Real identity Issues
by aussiesportstar
Summary: ASIO looses two of their best agents in the midst of a huge earthquake, where these two end up is in a place they though they'd never see and here they learn not only about their companions but also learn their real identities! A REPOST! new parts!
1. learn about me learn!

**Disclaimer - **Walks out in army attire including medals Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! Elves also in army outfits  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

**THIS IS A REPOST AS REMOVED THE OLD STORY, I LOVED ALL OF YOU WHO REVIEWED AND I LOVE ALL OF THE REVIEWS, PLEASE RE-REVIEW AS I DO LOVE EVERY COMMENT. Sorry, no update as of yet, v.busy!

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**

**Real identity issues

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**

"C'mon, Trinny, we are going to miss our flight" Jasmine yelled.

"Our flight isn't for another 3 hours!" Trinity yelled from the bathroom.

"But Mr. Donahue…he said that if we do not make it to San Francisco by the deadline that we would be fired" Trinity walked out of the bathroom carrying an unusually large makeup bag.

"Mr. Donahue said that…oh well, let me see now…when was the last time he tried to fire me…oh yes that's right last week, when I "accidentally" set fire to Johnny Ripley's hash stash after we arrested him and the whole of Tasmania was stoned for a week" Trinity smiled as she remembered what had happened. "And did I care then about being fired…NOPE he wouldn't fire us…we are his best agents"

"Yeah whatever, just hurry up…and why are you bringing that?" Jasmine asked pointing to the large makeup bag.

"I wanna look my best when we go to the 'drug lord's party'" Trinity laughed and walked into her room.

Jasmine sighed and threw herself on the lounge, causing her hair to fall out of the loose bun that held it.

"Bugger" she sighed again and put it loosely up into a bun. She smiled as she heard singing from the other room.

"_Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim_…" Now no longer singing, more like yelling, followed.  
_"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho… I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim."_

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP" A loud voice from the next apartment hollered. Jasmine just smiled as she knew what was going to happen next.

"**No…eating here tonight yeah; No eating here tonight yeah; No eating here tonight yeah, cause you're on a diet**." Trinity yelled twice as loud as before.

"C'mon GET A MOVE ON" Jasmine yelled over her best friend's voice.

"READY TO BLOW" Trinity skipped down the hallway and met her friend at the door. "Where are our bags?" She asked

"The porter has already taken them down to the car!" Jasmine said as she stepped out in to the hallway locking the door after them.

"We have a porter? How very suave…is he hot?" She asked as they got into the elevator.

"Well, he isn't ugly" Jasmine smiled a sly smile that made Trinity to shake her head in laughter, causing her curly light blonde hair to bounce around. They exited the elevator and made their way to their Blue Holden convertible.

"Is this coming with us to San Fran? Cause I really like this car" Trinity asked, Jasmine sighed as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"So you weren't listening to our lecture then? No, we are to get into San Francisco and keep our profiles down."

"And then?" Trinity asked, blowing a kiss to a car full of guys, who whistled back and signalled to her to come over there.

"Then we are too met up with the FBI there and track the guy down" Jasmine said pulling out of the red light and heading towards the airport.

"And then?"

"Then you are to get invited to his 'gala ball' that he is holding in order of his "recent success"'

"And then?"

"Then I get in as a band member"

"And then?"

"Then we crash the party, arrest him, and get him back here to be prosecuted for drug handling, murder, poaching and fraud"

"And then?"

"And then nothing, and if you ask that again, I may just have to push you out of the plane on the way there" Jasmine threatened as they entered the Airport parking lot.

"Welcome to Sydney airport, please store you temper with the security as it is not permitted in the building" Trinity smiled at Jasmine.

"Ha, ha very funny" Jasmine laughed as she found a parking spot in the long-term parking section.

"So why do they need us, I mean they have FBI and all that over there, why can't they handle it?" Trinity asked, unpacking her suitcase.

"Well, I'm not sure really but Sir said that we had been requested personally by a Mr. Richard Giles" Jasmine said as they made their way through the airport and came to their terminal. "Apparently he's heard of us and wants us to teach their people some things"

"RRREEEAAALLLYYY"

"G'day, passport please" the lady at the counter asked Trinity.

"Sure" she passed over her passport.

_"_Trinity Daniels, with ASIO (Australian Security Intelligence Organisation)…oh…Right then miss please make your way through and have a nice day" Trinity smiled at the surprised reaction, she was used to it though, she really didn't look like an agent. She was slightly petite but still held surprising strength; she was about 5ft7' and had very light blonde hair, almost white with about 10 small hot pink streaks, that reached just to the bottom of her shoulder blades but when wet reached well past her hips. Her naturally tanned skin suited her and also had a long scar along her back, but usually is concealed by her clothes. Her blue eyes laughed as she made her way through she also noted that Jasmine had the same reaction as she did.

Jasmine had light red/orange hair that was dead straight; she hated the fact that Trinity could style her hair. She also hated the fact that Trinity had skin that could tan; she meanwhile had pale skin that looked like porcelain. She had a bigger frame than Trinity but was a tiny bit smaller than her; she was 5ft6'. Unlike Trinity's eyes that seemed to laugh all the time, her deep green eyes had serious edge to them, this gave people the wrong expression of her because she hated being serious, she'd rather laugh with Trinity over stupid things than have a serious discussion with some random person about political issues.

Jasmine had been her best friend for going on 17 years now; Jasmine was 1 and Trinity was 2 when their parents met, and they haven't really been to far apart ever since, in fact they were more like sisters than anything. They were practically all they had in the world; Jasmine's parents had been killed in a terrorist attack 15 years ago after that she had been sent to live with Trinity's family because they were her legal guardians. And only 2 years ago Trinity's parents had split up and while her father had disappeared, Trinity's mother had remarried. The man that she did marry used to beat Trinity _and_ Jasmine, this was part of the reason they had learnt martial arts. They joined ASIO when they were approached by two of their recruitment agents at a martial arts tournament. And they had been with ASIO for the past 3 years and had become some of the best agents Australian had ever seen and because they had no family, to speak of, to tie them down it made them extremely flexible. Being young made them eager to learn and easy to fool the enemy, they were the best defence in a manner of speaking and deceiving.

"YAYAYAYAYAY we're going flying" Trinity jumped up and down with excitement as Jasmine made her way over to her.

"You're acting as though you've never been on a plane before" Jasmine said pushing her through the walkway to board the plane.

"What can I say, I lllluuuurrrrvvvveee flying" Trinity said as she made her way to her seat.

"Uh huh, well I hate it, so stop bouncing around and sit still, we are taking off in a second" Jasmine said indicating to the flashing seatbelt sigh.

"I can't wait" Trinity giggled, looking out the window.

"I can" Jasmine sighed, as the plane was taxied down the runway.

* * *

MANY HOURS LATER

* * *

Jasmine was snoring slightly as they approached San Francisco, Trinity was chatting to the person seated behind her.

"…really? Well my favourite movie was and probably still is Lord of the Rings but I would have to say that there are HEAPS of others that come to mind in that category" She smiled at the slightly worried man behind her.

"Ah, well I would have to disagree…" He started, but was interrupted by an EXTREMELY fast flow of words.

"OhMyGodhowcouldyousaythat? Itisthebestmovieever! haven'tyouseenalltheawardsithasgained, andohmygodthestoryhasbeenoutforsolong …youknowwhatyou'renutsandIdon'tlikeyou" Trinity spun around in her seat slightly knocking Jasmine but it was enough to wake her.

"Was goin on?" and slightly more alarmed "are we going down in a nose dive?" Jasmine looked at Trinity who was looking out of the window, also alarmed.

"There's…someone on the wing! Some...THING...!" Trinity looked back at Jasmine "I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

"You know one day someone is going to over hear you quoting lines from a movie and…shoot…you!" Trinity smiled innocently at Jasmine.

"Yeah, yeah you say that all the time and I'm still to see the proof!"

"Umm, have you seen your back lately" Jasmine indicated.

"My dear that is a knife wound not a bullet wound, so you are, in fact…WRONG" Trinity looked up as the pilot announced that they were landing.

"Thank God" Jasmine sighed tightening her seatbelt.

"You're welcome" Trinity laughed as the descended into the bright lights that was San Francisco.

* * *

2 Days later

* * *

"Do you see him anywhere?" Jasmine whispered into the miniature microphone in her necklace as she scanned the room from her position on the stage. She looked out at the see of raving people and spotted Trinity dancing on a table, indicating with subtle arm movements that he was on the left side of the room. Jasmine spotted their man at the bar looking in Trinity's direction.

"Ok, got him…is everyone in place" She whispered again, strumming along with the tune.

"Yeppy doodles" Trinity chimed into her mini-microphone. Jasmine stole another look at him and noticed that he was moving in Trinity's direction.

"He's coming in your direction. The door is right behind you…now don't let him leave…OK?" Trinity spotted him coming closer.

"Okey dokey pokey" Trinity jumped down right in front of him, scaring him a little.

"Hey there…hot stuff! Hows about a dance" Trinity swivelled her hips in front of 'the man' who was enjoying the attention.

"Excuse me miss, Mr Cameron is busy at the moment…" one of the guards started to push her away, but he stopped them.

"It's ok Marco, there is always time for a dance" He said taking her hand and leading her into the crowd. They danced to two songs before he started to get suspicious about her and all the time she was spending with him. That's when he noticed the small wire behind her ear, he motioned to his guards to come over and get her. Before she had time to react she was dragged speedily out of the great hall, down a hallway and into a smaller room at the back, she heard Jasmine in her ear

"Abort, they've got Trinity…" just before it was roughly pulled out of her ear.

"Who are you?" Mr Cameron demanded.

"Don't tell me…I know this…I really do…umm" Trinity was roughly slapped across the face, splitting her lip. "OW"

"Hang on boss, I know this one…she's one of them Australian agents, ya know the one's I was telling ya about" One of the burly guards stepped up pointing at her.

"Well, well, well…an Australian Agent huh? What are you going to do? Throw a boob-o-rang at me?" He laughed as Trinity stood up from her seat.

"Well, actually…" She threw a punch at the man and hit him square in the jaw knocking him backwards into a desk "…no, and it's a boomerang not a Boob-o-rang" She turned and avoided the varies punches of the advancing henchmen, she threw one of them over her shoulder, using his momentum and pushed the other two into one another, satisfied with her work she threw open the door and ran full pelt down the hallway trying to find the door that lead back to the hall.

"Nope…Nope…Nope…Nope" she said opening random doors, suddenly she came to the end of the hall and saw only one door left "Well process of elimination" She said pushing the door open and walking in to find it dark, and most definitely not the party room. She looked up and saw a glass roof and in the dull moonlight she saw faces, dark faces, if she didn't know who they were she probably would have freaked out. They were looking in and acknowledged that they did see her and that something was going down. But before she could respond the guards flew into the room and surrounded her. She looked around saw that she was severely out numbered.

"Well, well, my dear, seems you have a very good right hook on you there" Mr Cameron walked into the room and strutted up to her "Would you like to see mine…" Trinity shook her head no "Really, oh well" He sighed turning around and paused for a moment "but I think I would like to show you anyway" he spun around and caught her in the side of the head, knocking her to the ground where he proceed to kick her. She managed to fend off most of the kicks but many still landed in her ribs and gut. She threw her legs out catching him in his ankles and knocking him to the ground, she rolled backwards, pulling out her daggers that she had strapped to her ankles as she did, and stood up to face the group.

"You really picked on the wrong person here…MATE" she sneered kicking him in the face and knocking out a guard behind her, she threw on dagger catching another guard in the arm and pinning him to a wall, she used the other dagger to dislodge a chair that a guard was planning to hit her with. All of a sudden there was glass smashing and the room was filled with yells and screams of the FBI who had just crashed threw the roof. Trinity gave a sigh of relief as she smiled at the guys who had just filled the room.

"It's about time you guys got here; you were missing all the fun" She laughed "Now if you don't mind I want to speak with Jasmine, now if possible"

The guy just looked at her and smiled "Right away, Miss Daniels"

"Please call me Trinity…or hot stuff, what ever comes naturally" She said causing him to laugh again.

"YAYAYAYAYAY Thankyou for coming to see that with me…wasn't that the best movie ever?" Trinity squealed as they exited the cinema, they had just seen Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, thanks to much persistence from Trinity.

"I really don't know how you managed to let them go see a movie after all that just happened" Jasmine sighed as the walked down the street.

"What…oh that, c'mon that was 5 hours ago, get over it. BUT HOW GOOD WAS THAT MOVIE" She shouted causing Jasmine to laugh.

"Yes it was great, I will admit that, but next time I am picking the movie…OK?" Trinity jumped up on a fire hydrant.

"Okey dokey artichokey" She laughed as she jumped into the quite street, too quite for Jasmine's liking.

"It's too quite" Jasmine said stopping, Trinity turned to her.

"That's because it's 3 in the morning, normal people are asleep"

"Well, what does that make us then?" she argued

"We're special" Trinity smiled at Jasmine who was still frowning "C'mon, I'm actually hurting quite a bit, not that I'm complaining or anything, but I'm kinda tired since I actually had to work"

"It still doesn't feel right"

"That's because you ate so much popcorn" Trinity stated as she waved to a couple walking into an apartment building.

"Listen; there is no wind, no birds, no nothing"

"That's because they are all asleep and there is no wind, just stop your worrying…" but before she could finish her sentence the ground started to shake. "HOLY CRAP" She yelled as Jasmine ran over to her, but as she did the ground shook harder knocking her down.

"JAS" Trinity yelled trying to crawl over to her. All of a sudden the ground started to open up right under Jasmine.

"Trinity HELP" She yelled as she fell, Trinity threw herself at the growing hole and grabbed her hand just before she disappeared, Trinity could hear the yells of people in the background, but she ignored them and concentrated at getting her best friend out of the hole. She pulled Jasmine until she was able to grab hold of both her hands and pulled her almost all the way out, but luck wasn't on their side that night because as she pulled her up the ground underneath them both gave way and they tumbled down into the black oblivion that was the _middle_ of the _earth.

* * *

_

"JASMINE"

"TRINITY"

Their cries echoed through the rising morning.

Four loan figures and a pony walked through the woodland heading towards the mountains in the distance.

"Strider, how long will it take to get there?" One of the smaller beings asked the larger being.

"2 days or 3, Sam, no longer than that I suppose if we keep up this pace" The figure known as Strider said.

"But if Mr. Frodo is hurt…" but a hand shushed Sam into quietness.

"What is it?" One of them whispered.

"I am unsure" Strider whispered back, trying to pin point the voice, he looked all around but even with his keen sight he was unable to find them.

"Look Up there!" Sam said pointing to two black figures falling form the sky. "What is it?"

"I haven't the faintest" Another said, but Strider beckoned them to hurry.

"Come, we must move" He said moving in the direction of the falling figures.

"JASMINE"

"TRINITY"

* * *

WOW would ya look at that, I have written the first chapter, I know you were probably waiting for the next chapter of my POTC fic but I had to write this, it's been Hacking away at me.

_"Something was hacking at you?"_ Legolas asked

**_"Was it me?"_** Elladan asked.

It's a figure of speech, Legolas and no it wasn't you Elladan.

_"So if it wasn't them, was it me?"_ Elrohir also asked.

IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH Elrohir cowers I'm sorry Elrohir, it's just its 3.00am, so lets go to bed.

_"Aren't you going to post it?"_ Legolas asked

No, I'm tired so I think I'll post this in the morning, Care to join me in bed, boys?

_"Sure"_ Elladan said happily.

_"ELROHIR!"_The other elves shouted

_"WHAT?" _He asked innocently

Cackles insanely taking Elrohir to my bedroom NIGHT BOYS

**_"He is lost!" _**Groaned Elladan

_"I'm afraid so_" Agreed Legolas.


	2. oohh look at that

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

* * *

**_If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee._****  
****  
****Hardly seems worth it, don't like coffee anyway…stains your teeth!

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**

**Real identity Issues

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**

"JASMINE"

"TRINITY"

Strider ran towards the two figures as they continued to fall.

"Come, we must move!" he urged the smaller members of his group, smiling to himself as he watched them run.

"Easy for you to say" One of them shot back, Strider gave a hearty laugh.

"Now, Now young Pippin, tis not the size of your legs…it's how you use them!" but the jesting was cut short as they heard a great splash up ahead. "Quick they have fallen into the river!" Strider moved faster closing in on the river at great speed. When he came to its shore he looked around for any sign of the two but found nothing. He kept searching until he spotted a small glimmer on the bottom of the river, he threw back his cloak and threw his weapons to the ground and dived in. He swam down to the figure on the bottom, he noticed that their foot was caught between two large rocks and they were struggling to get free. He swam closer to the figure and saw that in fact it was a women, she startled slightly upon seeing him but that passed as she started to run out of breath. He swam closer to her foot and proceeded to pull the rock out of the way, but it was happening very slowly and both their air was running out, so with a final tug, he managed to wedge a smaller rock in between the larger to and work her foot out. They swam to the surface gasping for breath.

"Are you…alright…milady?" Strider gasped, pulling her to shore.

"Yeah…I think so" She gasped back looking at him with a confused expression which slowly turned to fear.

"JASMINE" Trinity stood up wobbling a bit, but Strider grabbed her arm, steading her.

"You must rest" he said trying to get her to sit, but she pushed him away.

"I gotta find my friend, she…we got separated as we fell…I gotta find her" She started to limp away, but Strider caught up with her.

"Please, just rest. We will find your friend for you" Trinity reluctantly sat down on a nearby rock with his cloak wrapped around her shoulders and watched as these people looked for Jasmine. As she watched them she couldn't help but notice how familiar they seemed. Suddenly a cry was heard just beyond the river's bend.

"Strider, come 'ere quick"

Trinity turned around to find Strider jogging back with Jasmine in his arms.

"No, JASMINE" Trinity yelled as she hobbled over to where Strider had laid Jasmine. She threw herself next to her friend and turned to Strider, who was checking Jasmine for any major damage.

"Is she alright?" She asked watching his every movement.

"Yes and no, there are no broken bones that I can find which is surprising, from the looks of these scratches that tree broke her fall but she is unconscious and I'm not sure of any other damage beyond that. We must get her to Lord Elrond, he will know if anything is wrong" Strider said gathering his possessions.

"_Holy testicle Tuesday!" _Trinity yelled "Did you just say Elrond, that means you are…and you…oh wow!"

Strider and the hobbits back away from the slightly crazy women.

"You know Lord Elrond?" Strider asked, looking conspicuously at her.

"You don't know the half of it" Trinity smiled at the group.

"Please inform us, but first we must make our way to Rivendell" Strider said picking Jasmine up and started walking away. One of the hobbits found a large walking stick for Trinity to lean on and they made their way towards Rivendell.

"Hello, Milady, I am Peregrin Took, but you may call me Pippin" He said with a slight bow handing her the walking stick.

"Hello…" Trinity started but was interrupted

"I am Meriadoc Brandybuck, but please call me Merry, begging your pardon miss" Merry bowed as well, as Trinity laughed.

"And I am Samwise Gamgee, please call me Sam" Sam gave a small bow.

"Hello; how are you all?" Trinity asked.

"We are quite sad, Milady, our friend had fallen …ill" Pippin sadly answered from up ahead.

"I'm very sorry, but I SEE THE FUTURE and he will be fine" Trinity laughed as she hobbled down the path.

"So where are you from, Miss?" Sam asked walking next to her with Bill, the pony.

"I am from…umm…Australia and please call me Trinity!" Trinity smiled down at the small hobbit.

"Australia? Where is that?" He asked again helping her over a log. Trinity sighed and gave a sad smile.

"A long, long way from here, my dear hobbit" She smiled and laughed out loud "Oh My God, I sound like I actually live here"

Sam looked quite confused by her sudden out burst but stayed quite as Strider had slowed his pace to match their's.

"Please tell us about your self and how you know of Lord Elrond" Trinity looked at Strider and gave a happy smile.

"Surely Shirley!" She proceeded to tell them about her home and about the movies, but she left out details of the movies because she wasn't sure if she should tell them what would happen or not. So she only told them the main points; such as she knew what had just happened not a day or so ago, how the hobbits had been attacked by the Nazgul.

"And what happened to your face, those injuries were not from the fall" Strider said pointing to her face. Trinity gently touched her face and winced as she did so. She had gained a black, swollen eye and split lip from night before and half her face was red and cut. But there were also injuries that could not be seen, she had sustained a bruised rib from the fall and also the cuts from the night before.

"Oh these, well, umm, I had a disagreement last night and I…I kinda got the brunt of the fight situated on my face, I guess they were jealous of my immense beauty!" Trinity laughed, Strider also gave a smile.

"Very well, Lord Elrond will have ointments that will help those heal quickly" Strider said and started to move off, but Trinity grabbed his arm.

"Why do you call him Lord Elrond, when he is basically your father…Aragorn, son of Arathorn? Or should I say…Estel" Trinity said in a low voice so that only he could hear her, Strider turned to her stunned.

"How…" He started, but Trinity waved him off.

"Don't worry your head about it, you will find out in due time. I would tell you more but I am getting tired and I would like to be able to see Rivendell under my own power" she laughed. They continued their journey at a fast pace, until Trinity stumbled over causing a chain reaction. As she fell she grabbed hold of Sam who grabbed hold of Pippin who grabbed hold of Merry. The only one unaffected was Aragorn, who turned to her with concerned etched on his face.

"Are you alright? Are you too weary to go any further?" He asked watching them get to their feet, Trinity just laughed.

"No, I am quite alright, I just tripped over…" she turned around to find what she had tripped over "…Oh My bag! I though I had lost it" she picked up her bag and struggled to her feet.

"What kind of bag is that you have?" asked Pippin coming over and observing her bag. Trinity held her bag up; it was a medium sized hand bag, made out of denim and had a picture of both Jasmine and herself ironed onto it.

"It's a bag I made! See it has a picture on it of me and Jas at a party we had…" Trinity trailed off as she looked as Jasmine, Aragorn caught her eye and gave a smile.

"Maybe we should continue, Rivendell if only over that hill" Aragorn pointed to a small mountain.

"That's a hill? I'd hate to see your mountains…" Trinity laughed "Hhehe I already have" The companions looked strangely at her.

"Um what do you mean?" Merry asked.

"I…uhh…umm… _Hey, look. "Esc-a-pay"! Hey, it's spelled just like escape" _Trinity pointed to a tree, the others looked around and then back at Trinity who just smiled sweetly at them "Shall we continue? _Allllllrrigghhhhttyyyy then_" Trinity started to hobble off in the direction of the "hill". As they came to the summit they were met with the most incredible sight. Rivendell sat nestled in a valley, Waterfalls rained down from the cliffs around the city, giving a magical feel to it. The palace sat upon a smaller "hill" in the middle and also had a river running through the middle of it. The trees were so immensely thick that you could not see the ground through them.

"Welcome to my home" Aragorn said softly taking up the lead once again. He lead them through the forest, Trinity could see how relaxed the ranger was now that he was here, and that was easily spread, as soon as they had crossed the river they could feel a strange power creep over them, it felt like it was protecting them from evil eyes, although Trinity could not see how anything evil could live in a place like this. Flowers were blooming and birds were singing as they walked, Trinity could hear a light voice on the air, but she wasn't sure it was a voice or the wind passing through the leaves. They crossed many small streams and because the forest was so thick, they could not see very far in front of them, although Aragorn knew where he was going. Suddenly there was the sound to they're left, this caused Aragorn to stop suddenly and scan the surrounding forest tensely, Trinity tried also to see but it was utterly useless as she could not see through the swollen eye. The noise happened again but this time it was behind them and Trinity could swear that this time she heard laughter. She noted how Aragorn stood straight up, instantly regaining his relaxed composure and he laughed out loud.

"My brothers! Why do you hunt us? Surely it is not the right time of year" He laughed, as out of the dense forest came two elves that looked exactly alike. Their long brown hair shone in the small pools of sunlight that penetrated the denseness of the trees, they looked as though they were about 6 foot but it could have easily been taller. They had soft brown eyes and kind faces.

"Nay it is the perfect time of year!" One of them laughed. The other smiled as he observed the company.

"Estel, what have you here? Women and Hobbits?" He asked indicating to the small group.

"Oh and what have you done to them?" The other asked noticing Trinity's face and Jasmine in his arms.

"Elladan, I did nothing to them, they are…new here. They fell from the sky…" Aragorn started but was interrupted by his brother.

"From the sky!" Elladan remarked with a touch of humour on his voice.

"Yes the sky…they have sustained many injuries so we must get them to father as quickly as possible" Aragorn rushed his brothers.

"Nay, Estel, you have too much with you to be able to move fast, we will take these two to father" Elladan said taking Jasmine in his arms.

"How…" Aragorn started, but Elladan silenced him with a wave.

"Stop, Elrohir and I have horse tethered just over there, we will meet you soon" Elladan said as he started through the bush, with Jasmine in his arms.

"Milady?" Elrohir questioned Trinity, who was still staring in awe.

"Mmmmm pretty" she answered causing Elrohir to smile.

"Are you coming?" He asked again.

"Oh yeah, sure, sorry" Trinity stammered walking up next to him. "Seeya later, Aggie" she said with a smile as she followed Elrohir through the bush.

"AGGIE!" Aragorn shouted only causing the laughter to increase.

Trinity followed Elrohir to where Elladan was waiting with their horses. Elladan's horse was a beautiful grey mare that was gently nibbling the grass and Elrohir's horse was a deep bay gelding who wasn't as content as Elladan's to just stand and eat, he was trying to break the hold of the leather that held him to the tree.

"Easy Runya-ore, Shhhhh boy" The horse started to calm as soon as Elrohir started to talk. Trinity stared in awe.

"WOW, I wish I could do that, my horse is absolutely nutty…maybe that's why I called him Peanuts! Umm what does Runya-ore mean?" She laughed, Elrohir turned to her with a smile.

"It means Flame heart. You have a horse?" he asked mounting up.

"Yes, he's at home" she said walking up to Runya-ore's head and patting his muzzle softly, the horse did not back away but instead he reached out and licked her hand.

"Well, that is different" Elrohir stated "He doesn't like many elves" Trinity laughed.

"Lucky I'm not an elf! Although it would be an advantage" she took Elrohir's outstretched hand and mounted up behind him, wrapping her hands about his waist.

"Tell us, where did you come from?" Elladan asked as they moved off. Trinity repeated her story of what happened the previous night, the fight and the earthquake. She had a feeling that she would be telling this story quite often.

They cantered through the forest with remarkable speed, dodging trees and bushes, fallen logs and nimbly making their way though the forest.  
Suddenly they erupted from the bush and climbed steep roadway that lead up to the palace. The palace itself was remarkable, to say the least, tall pillars of carefully carved wood surrounded the courtyard they stood in, the palace had 2 levels that she could see, but it could easily have more also there were towers that rose towards the sky.

"My son's what is it you have there?" Lord Elrond asked from the archway. Elladan rushed up to his father, with Jasmine in his arms.

"Estel found these two after they fell…from the sky!" Elladan said as his father looked over the two.

"We it is very obvious that they are not from around here" Elrond stated, indicating to what they were wearing.  
Trinity was wearing tight dark blue hipster jeans that had studs down the sides and flared out at the bottom and her top was a one-shoulder-shimmery-pink-midriff-thing and on her feet she wore some black stiletto boots. Her top hid her scar perfectly but did not hide the bruises that were starting to show, she was also wearing Aragorn's cloak and one large gold hoop earring.  
Jasmine was wearing jeans also but these were light blue and slightly baggy, she had a white halter neck on and was wearing no shoes as they had fallen off during their fall.

"But come now, we must fix you up." Elrond said walking in the house followed closely by Elladan who still held Jasmine. Trinity was just staring at everything, but she was woken from her daze by Elrohir's tug on her arm.

"Come along, milady. Father has ointment for you wounds" Trinity walked with Elrohir down a long hall and then into a small room, where Elrond had laid Jasmine down in a bed. He took some herbs and crushed them in a mortar and pestle; then placed them in some hot water that was boiling over the fire. A sweet aroma filled the room, it actually made Trinity swoon but she caught by Elrohir.

"Woops that is very strong" She slurred as the aroma swept over them.

"Yes, it is a powerful medicine" Elrohir said placing her upright. Elrond started to work very fast on Jasmine, so fast that it actually made Trinity dizzy watching him. Elrohir steered her to a seat and made her sit down. A few minutes later Elrond turned to Trinity, who was watching wide eyed.

"Now, for you" he said as he looked over her face. "You did not sustain these from any fall, did you?"

"Umm no, not really" Trinity smiled "I…got into an argument, to say the least" Elrond turned quickly and went to the small table that was covered in many herbs and substances.

"I have something here that will take down the swelling in your eye, and this will help the bruising heal faster" Elrond started to lather on the sweet smelling ointment; she could already feel the swelling start to disappear.

"Ooohhhh Can I have some of that? Seems really handy stuff to have" Trinity smiled at the Elf lord who only grinned in return.

"So please tell us……?" Elladan said from his vantage point on a lounge.

"Trinity Daniels and she is Jasmine Elda" Trinity indicated to the sleeping figure "Will she be alright?"

"She is fine, she fractured a rib in her fall and a broken finger, but the herbs will help her heal" Elrond said with a kind smile. "Come now, we will leave her to rest, and you may tell us your story. Gandalf has been waiting your arrival" Elrond said leaving the room.

"Okey dokey, that's kinda creepy" Trinity said standing up and hobbling towards the door.

"Here, let us help you" Elladan said rising from the lounge.

"Thankyou lots" Trinity said slinging and arm around his shoulders as they made their way towards the voices that were down the hall. They entered the room to come face to face with both Gandalf and Elrond.

"Welcome, Trinity. How was your flight?" The old wizard asked with laughter in his grey eyes.

"Great, you should always travel first class, and the landing was magnificent" Trinity smiled as she was seated on a lounge next to Elladan.

"Would you care to share your adventure with us?" Elrond said sitting in a large chair opposite her.

"Sure, but I would hardly call it an adventure, I mean I only fell through the middle of the earth and landed IN Middle Earth!" Trinity laughed "I mean what are the odds of that, ey?"

"Indeed" Gandalf said sitting softly on a chair next to Elrond, Elrohir sat on the other side of Trinity. They all waited for Trinity to begin, where as she was waiting for them to say something.

"Please continue" Elrond said after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh, sorry…umm, well" Trinity started to tell them of the previous nights events, including all the minor details, such as how she worn her hair.

"…and then I called Aragorn, Aggie…" Elrond stopped her mid sentence.

"You know of Estel's lineage?" They looked at her in disbelief.

"Ooohhhh yeah that, um well…" Trinity looked at their faces and as she looked into Gandalf's she felt calm all about her, so she relaxed and told them everything, except the fall of Gandalf and the fate of the ring, but she did mention that she knew of what was going to happen.

"Very well then, Lord Elrond and I have some things to discuss. Please go and relax, you are in the house of Elrond and are in no danger here" Gandalf said, Trinity stood, with the help of the twins, and made their way to the door. They left the room but Trinity stuck her head back around the corner.

"Are you saying I'm in danger?" She asked but wasn't able to hear the reply as she was pulled down the hallway with the twins. "So, are you gonna show me around or what?" she gave a cheeky smile to the twins as they proceeded to show her all around the palace.

* * *

THANXS TO Ace Ventura and Finding Nemo for the quotes 

WOW how long was that! Around about 3,200 that's how!

Now I know the twins weren't around when the others were, but I decided to change the story and there is nothing you can do about it…unless you can sick a ghost on me…hmmmm strike that!

Bugger, Bugger, Bugger, They took Elrohir away last night before anything could happen…BUGGER, meanie poos!

_"Did you just call us…meanie poos?"_

UUUMMMMM NO

_"Yes you did"_

Nuh uh

_"Yeah uh"_

Nuh uh

_"Yeah uh"_

Nuh uh

_"Yeah uh"_

Nuh uh

_"Yeah uh"_ (gives him a wedgie) "_Marrkkkepp__…alright you're in for it now!" _

_"STOP!__ Do not encourage her"_

Shuddup, you're just jealous that he has a sense of humour…when did you turn into such a drag...(cough)queen(cough)

_"I have a sense of humour!"!_

Oh yeah…prove it!

_"I will"_

Ok then (Leggy walks off muttering curses in Elvish) what did he just say, Elladan?

_"You don't wanna know"_


	3. a pig named fred

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. **

**Now that's more like it! Now if you'll excuse me I got some beans too eat!

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues

* * *

**

_"Very well then, Lord Elrond and I have some things to discuss. Please go and relax, you are in the house of Elrond and are in no danger here" Gandalf said, Trinity stood, with the help of the twins, and made their way to the door. They left the room but Trinity stuck her head back around the corner._

_"Are you saying I'm in danger?" She asked but wasn't able to hear the reply as she was pulled down the hallway with the twins. "So, are you gonna show me around or what?" she gave a cheeky smile to the twins as they proceeded to show her all around the palace._

* * *

"So what are you gonna show me first?" Trinity asked limping down the hallway with the twins; they turned the corner into a large room.

"This is the dining room. Though we only eat here if there are guests" Elladan said, Trinity looked over the hall with wide eyes.

"This ain't no room, this in a HALL!" The 'hall' had several long tables all set out in long rows and a large space in the middle which may have been used as a dance floor. A large fire place sat in a corner, though it was extinguished, it looked as though it could make this room very hot if the need be. There was a large…HUGE chandelier hanging from the delicately carved wood roof, the crystals caught the afternoon light and created small rainbow on the walls. Upon the tables sat a silk like cloth with golden candelabras and small bouquets. The twins smiled at her wonder and started to walk back out into the hallway.

"HEY were do you think you're off to?" She said as she bounded, as best she could, up to them.

"You know, for someone who has recently fallen out of the sky, you have a remarkable amount of energy" Elrohir laughed as they walked down the hall.

"Yeah well, I'm not that easily tired…or hurt…oh well maybe hurt…no...Actually I think I'm kinda tough…" Trinity started to ramble about random things as they walked through the palace. The twins showed her all the main rooms and introduced her to many of their friends. Although Trinity was starting to tire, she wasn't showing any signs of it. They made their way to a small yard that was next to the palace; there they met some friends of the twins.

"This is Mirathyl, Trydron and Filda" Elladan smiled to the three elves that stood in the princes' presence. Trinity gave a small wave.

"G'day all, I'm Trinity. Please to make your…acquaintance" Trinity smiled to herself "Man, how polite was that" she said causing the elves to chuckle.

"Good day, Miss Trinity…" Mirathyl started but Trinity cut him off with a laugh.

"Please call me Trinity, Miss is too formal" The elves laughed again.

"Very well, Trinity. Please join us and tell us how you came to be in this fine realm" Mirathyl laughed as Trinity sat with the elves and started to tell them her story. She took a great liking to Mirathyl, who was the more out spoken of the three. He had light brown hair that was braided so that it would not hang in his face. He had deep green eyes, was very tall and slim (obviously). He wore a grey tunic with grey leggings and had hunting gear on (belt with elvish knives etc).  
He seemed to smile all the time compared to she-elf Filda who was regarding Trinity with a jealous look every five minutes or so. She had dark brown hair that hung loosely around her gaunt face making her brown eyes seem even darker than they were, she had a hook nose that made her look more bird like than elf. Her attire was a dark blue dress with long sleaves and a square neckline that sat too tight around the bust area. She seemed to hold a torch for one of the twins and every time Trinity even touched one in a playful gesture she would give a death glare and mumble under her breath.   
The final elf, Trydron, seemed to be very laid back, almost asleep, but still gave Trinity an answer whenever she asked him a question. He had red-brown hair that was also braided like Mirathyl's, his light brown eyes shone whenever he laughed and he also wore the same hunting outfit although his was a light blue instead of grey.

"You fell from the sky?" Sneered Filda trying to anger Trinity and make her loose her cool, the others noticed her tone but Trinity seemed to just blow it off.

"Well, actually, it was me and my best friend, Jasmine. She's kinda unconscious at the moment." Trinity laughed "I shouldn't laugh at that but…she is gonna be so pis…angry that it happened" They (excluding the grommet) all laughed but stopped as they heard hooves approaching.

"That must be Estel" Elrohir said standing up.

"Ooohhhh Aggie's back ey?" Trinity laughed standing up with the help of Elladan. They made there way over to the small group and greeted them

_"Greetings, sled god" _Trinity yelled giving Aragorn a bear hug, Aragorn who was kinda shocked patted her back stiffly causing the elves to laugh.

"Oh my wee hobbits, it's so nice to see ye again" Trinity squealed in an Irish accent as she gave each of the tiny hobbits a hug, lifting them of the ground in doing so. They made their way into a common room full of chairs and lounges with a fireplace in the corner. It was not as grand as the dining hall, but it was still wonderful. There they talked about all kinds of things, like Aragorn's journey and where the hobbits were from.

"If you'll excuse me, I must speak with an old friend" Aragorn smiled as he excused himself from the conversation and made his way down the hall. Elrohir turned to them with a smirk imprinted on his face.

"He's off to see Arwen" He said causing Elladan to snicker. They continued with the same banter but soon they were onto the topic of 'things they did while they were younger' and Trinity was being bombarded by many stories of pranks gone wrong and trouble that mainly the twins got into.

"Oh yeah think that's bad, well when Aragorn was younger he was deadly afraid of mice, we're not sure why, but every time he saw one he would jump on to a table and call for someone to get it away. We thought this was hilariously funny, so Elladan came up with this idea to get Aragorn back for lacing out food in laxatives…" Elrohir paused watching Trinity laugh so hard she almost fell out of her chair at the thought of the elves having to run to the toilet ever five minutes. "…ok it's not THAT funny, anyway Aragorn had these favourite pair of boots that Arwen gave him, and he really treasured them, he wore them every waking second. That day we hid them so that he would be so busy looking for them that he would be unable to come "hunting" with us. Eventually he found his boots…"

"In the fireplace, I swear he was going to kill us" Elladan laughed, interrupting Elrohir.

"…But we had already left, so he came looking for us. But we found him first and tackled him from behind, tying him to a tree. He didn't know it was us because we had dark hoods on that covered our faces…I suppose if he was smart enough he could have figured out who we were, I mean who else would tie him to a tree in the middle of a field of mice and leave him for the night. He screamed for a whole day and night before some of our warriors searched for the source of the noise. Oh I though Ada was going to kill us he was so angry, we weren't aloud to go hunting for a month!" Trinity was laughing so hard she failed to hear the elf-maid calling for her from the door, it was only after Elladan threw a pillow did she notice that she was being beckoned.

"Miss Daniels, MISS DANIELS" Trinity looked up at the elf-maid.

"YESH" Trinity smiled.

"My Lord Elrond wishes that you join him" Trinity staggered over to the door.

"Okey dokey pokey" Trinity turned back to the small group of elves and hobbits. "Do not fear, I SHALL return!" She hollered as she followed the maid down the hallway. They came to the room Jasmine was in, when the maid knocked.

"My Lord, Miss Daniels" She said and then left them alone.

"You called?" Trinity asked walking over to him. Elrond turned to her.

"Your friend is about to awake" he said with a smile as the figure in the bed stirred. Trinity hobbled over to the bed and looked down at Jasmine as her eyes opened.

"_It's ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE."_ Trinity shouted into Jasmine's face, making her jump, almost out of the bed.

_"_WHAT THE FUC…" Jasmine noticed Elrond and managed to control herself. "Dude who's he?" She asked motioning to Elrond with her eyes.

"Oh, this is _Lord Elrond_" Trinity said emphasising his name. Elrond walked over to the side of the bed and took Jasmine's hand.

"Welcome to Rivendell, Jasmine Elda" He gave her a soft smile. Jasmine still trying to put the name to the face responded with a smile.

"Thankyou?" she said uncertainly, looking to Trinity for an answer but got a laugh instead.

"Dude, I have sooooooo much to tell you!" Elrond smiled at the two.

"I will leave you to explain then" He said as he left the room.

"SO tell me" Jasmine said sitting up stiffly, Trinity threw herself across the foot of the bed.

"Weeeellllll…" Trinity explained the situation to Jasmine who looked at her in disbelief.

"Yeah right" Jasmine sighed rolling her eyes.

"No dude, I'm freaking serious!" Trinity said rolling off the bed and standing up. "C'mon I'll show ya around and you tell _me_ where we are" Trinity help Jasmine up and she took her around the place, slowly making their way towards the raised voices in the courtyard.

"What do you mean, I am perfectly acceptable" Pippin argued.

"Yeah sure you are, you keep telling yourself that" Merry spat back. Trinity and Jasmine walked into the courtyard causing the commotion to stop.

"What's all this hullabaloo about?" Trinity asked taking Jasmine over to a seat and turning towards the hobbits and elves, who were all looking at Jasmine with curiosity.

"Ah I see your friend has awoken" Elladan said walking over to Jasmine with Elrohir. "Good day, milady" They bowed to Jasmine who was looking at them with a shocked look on her face. "I am Elladan and this is my brother Elrohir"

"Ahhh" Was all Jasmine could say. The twins smirked at her shocked expression.

"C'mon you two, let her at least get used to this world before you try to crack onto her" Trinity laughed, as the twins looked at her with a confused expression.

"Crack on to?" They asked, Trinity just laughed.

"Hit on, flirts, chat up, hmmm um oh Woo" The twins looked at her in disbelief.

"And that is what you thought we were doing" Elladan asked, Trinity nodded.

"Yep and you weren't all that great at it either" Trinity laughed at the shocked expressions they wore.

"Oh and you don't think we are capable of…flirting" Elrohir said with a smirk.

"Yep, you flirt as bad as you…" Trinity smirked "fight" Elladan looked at her in disbelief.

"Oh and now you think we can't fight?" He said with a grin.

"Nope, I mean c'mon, you two are so worried about your looks, you'd be to afraid to even throw a punch" Trinity smiled at Jasmine. She gave an equal smile back, she knew Trinity was trying to get into a fight; it was her favourite pastime. She's piss someone off so much that soon they'd loose their cool and give in to obsession of fighting.

"I don't think you should, Trin, you might hurt them" Jasmine said from her vantage point on the bench. Trinity smiled.

"You're right, I wouldn't want to be hung for beating up the princes" Trinity smiled at the expressions on the twins, they were about to crack.

"Really? You think that you would be able to beat us in a fight" Elladan said as Trinity smiled.

"Oh, in hand-to-hand combat, yes probably. I give you credit for bow-twanging and swords" Ever since the first time she'd seen 'The Lord of the Rings' she'd always wanted to see if she could beat an elf in a fight. Most people dream of loving an elf (Legolas obviously) but she just wanted to fight, and they seemed to do a lot of it here.

"Alright then; how about a sparring match?" Elladan smirked, there was no way she could beat him, he was an elf and she was…a strange human.

"YES!" Trinity cheered getting herself into position. Elladan just watched as she got into a frame of mind.

"Are you ready?" He asked again. Trinity smirked.

"Are you?"

They sized each other up; not wanting to make the first move, Trinity crouched down on her haunches, knowing that he would make his move while she was low, and that's exactly what he did. With remarkable speed Elladan was next to her, but she was prepared for this, and made a low sweeping movement, trying to sweep his legs out from beneath him, but he did not tumble over as she'd hoped, he regained his footing and aimed a downwards punch aimed at her neck, but she rolled out of the way and was on her feet, dodging his fists as they parried about the courtyard. There was a cheer from half the crowd that had gathered as Elladan tripped Trinity over, but she wasn't that easily beat, she rolled on her back and threw her legs up into Elladan's stomach, knocking him backwards. Trinity threw her self up on her feet, just as Elladan had regained his footing, and she blocked two punches before he managed to land one in gut, she stumbled back, gasping for breath, but was able to reagin her cool composure. She then had to jump out of the way of a kick and as she did, Elladan aimed a high punch at her head but she ducked under and landed a punch on the side of his body. He stumbled back.

"Well, I am impressed" Elladan admitted "I judged you too harshly" he charged again but this time as he reached her he jumped over her and caught her in a headlock. "Check" Elladan whispered in her ear. Trinity smiled and twisted her leg behind his and tripped him backwards, landing on him and holding him down by keeping her arm against his throat. She came right up to his ear and whispered "Mate". He smiled back at her as she got off and helped him up.

"Maybe next time I will not go as easy on you" He said as brushed himself off.

"Yeah sure, you keep telling yourself that. I though elves were hard to beat?" Trinity asked, tilting her head innocently. Elladan smiled at her. She noticed that he wasn't looking at her but behind her. She turned around just in time to be covered head to toe in water.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" She screamed as Elrohir tipped a bucket of water on her. She saw Elladan laughing so hard that he had fallen to the ground. She turned to Elrohir and gave a sweet smile.

"You are SO Gone" She said lunging at him and catching him in a sopping wet hug.

"AAAAHHHHHH get OFF" He yelled as he got wetter by the minute. This caused Elladan to laugh even harder. Trinity turned to Elrohir.

"I don't think it's fair that we are wet and he is not" Trinity gave a sly smile, and almost as soon as she had finished, Elrohir passed her a bucket, full of ice cold water. "Ready? 1…2…3!" She yelled as they tipped the icy water all over Elladan who was now, not laughing, but laying in a puddle of water. Trinity doubled over in laughter.

"YOU LOOK LIKE A DROWNED RAT!" She laughed holding onto a laughing Elrohir, she then noticed that there were buckets of water in the hobbits hands as well and soon enough a giant water fight broke out. Water was everywhere and the only person not affected was Jasmine and Filda. Trinity smiled to herself and broke away from the group and disappeared into the forest that surrounded the courtyard. She quietly came up behind Filda; it was time for some payback.

She heard the she-elf mumble "Stupid human" and that was too much for her. She raised one of buckets full of icy water and tipped it all over the girl. And ear piercing shriek was heard and everyone stopped and looked around. Once they spotted Filda though a roar of laughter was heard. She turned to Trinity and Growled.

"You haven't heard the last of this!" She said before storming off.

"_You haven't heard the last of this_" Trinity mimicked to her back.

"You have made a powerful enemy there" Someone said as they touched her shoulder she spun around and saw Aragorn standing there with Arwen.

"AGGIE" he cringed at his nickname.

"Must you call me that?" He gowned placing his hand on his forehead.

"YEP" Trinity chirped.

"Aggie?" Arwen asked curiously, Trinity smiled warmly at her.

"Yeah, that's Aragorn's REAL name, he just calls himself Aragorn to sound tuff…Hi, I'm Trinity Daniels, how are you?" She shook Arwen's hand and picked up her second bucked. She smiled to herself and looked at Aragorn, who was looking quite scared. And with a quick motion she poured the bucket over his head, she waited a slight moment to see his face before running back amidst the crowd.

"TRINITY" He yelled and charged after her. Arwen laughed to herself and sat next to Jasmine. They talked while everyone was 'playing', enjoying the fact that they were dry. But soon Elladan had come up with an idea. And soon both he and Elrohir had snuck up on them and drenched them in water as well. Their screams must have been heard in Mordor itself they were so loud. They did not join the festivities after that, instead, they went inside to change…or something like that. Everyone just laughed and got right back into it.

* * *

Gandalf who had been watching the scene unfold in the courtyard turned to Elrond who was watching him with his intense grey eyes and gave a small sigh.

"Would you like to share that burden you carry?" Elrond asked as Gandalf paced the room.

"Hmmmm" Was all the answer he got; still not satisfied he probed further.

"It's about these young women isn't it?"

"Mmmmm" Elrond gave a loud sigh in frustration.

"Gandalf there is no way I can help if you do not give me something to work with" Gandalf turned to him in defeat.

"Yes it is about them. I told you of my visit to Saurman and how he has given into the darkness. Well while I was there I saw…A palantír, and you know as much as I do, the things they can see…" Elrond nodded wisely taking in Gandalf's words. "…for that moment that I did see into the palantír, I saw these two women falling from their sky, meeting Aragorn and their involvement in the journey that will soon start…" Elrond stared at Gandalf who turned to the giant window over looking the small courtyard where the water fight was still raging, as crazy as ever. "…And I saw death"

* * *

THANXS TO **Ace Ventura **and** COOL RUNNINGS **for the quotes 

Ooooooohhhhhhh it's long and updated!

Don'tchya lurve it!

_"Not Really"_

Who asked you?

_"You did!"_

Nuh uh

_"I'm not going to start that"_

Nuh uh

_"Stop it!"_

Nuh uh

_"Why must you…"_

Nuh uh

"_You are really…_"

Nuh uh

_"Honestly"_

Nuh uh

_"OH Valar" (_Legolas walks off)

Hehehe, I'm driving him nuts


	4. a pig named fred eating

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. **  
**  
Oh MY JEBUS

* * *

**

**I Give a lot of credit to the good people at www.aragorn-legolas. because they have given me a lot of background in this story, and because even though I did read the LOTR appendixes (and there are a lot) I found it much easier to get background info from there. So if anyone has a problem about histories, etc you are just gonna have to get over it and deal!

* * *

**

**_HAPPY EASTER_**

**_POOR THORPEDO, I wanna cry, he has to go in the 400m in the Olympics, he a sure winner for gold! BUT WE LOVE YOU TOO CRAIG

* * *

_**

**Real Identity Issues**

_"Yes it is about them. I told you of my visit to Saurman and how he has given into the darkness. Well while I was there I saw…A palantír, and you know as much as I do, the things they can see…" Elrond nodded wisely taking in Gandalf's words. "…for that moment that I did see into the palantír, I saw these two women falling from their sky, meeting Aragorn and their involvement in the journey that will soon start…" Elrond stared at Gandalf who turned to the giant window over looking the small courtyard where the water fight was still raging, as crazy as ever. "…And I saw death" _

_

* * *

_

"That was so much fun! You really shouldn't have left!" Trinity smiled as she sat on the bed next to Jasmine, towelling her hair dry.

"Yeah well, I had a nice conversation with Arwen anyway" said Jasmine, standing up and walking over to her balcony, Trinity followed her.

"When did you lose all your sense of humour?" Trinity laughed as she whipped Jasmine with a towel causing her to yelp.

"HEY! I have not lost my sense of humour; I just didn't want to be sopping wet" Jasmine sighed as she lent on the balcony railing. "You'd better get changed, you'll get sick!"

"Nuh…oh…well maybe later! By the way…luv da new threads!" Trinity pointed to Jasmine's dark green dress that highlighted her eyes. It was long-sleeved with a gold trim around the flowing bottom; it hugged her waist perfectly and was slightly low cut, but still tasteful. Jasmine just shrugged in return.

"What's wrong? You usually like water fights and clothes" Trinity said hopping up onto the railing next to Jasmine.

"Have you noticed that…?" Jasmine trailed off, looking down at the small hobbits below, who were enjoying a smoke.

"Dude?" Trinity probed further. Jasmine looked up and caught Trinity's laughing eyes. She didn't have the heart to tell her. "If ya don't tell me, I am going to put snails in your bed while you're asleep!" Trinity laughed beside her.

"We don't belong here dude" Jasmine whispered, holding her head in her hands. Trinity placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What brought this on?" Trinity asked and as she met Jasmine's eyes she almost instantly knew. "Who said WHAT" She said grabbing her shoulders and forcing Jasmine to look at her.

"No one, but it's true…" Trinity cut her off before she could finish.

"No, NO, NO, tell me, who…said…it? If you don't tell me, how can I hurt them?" Jasmine laughed at Trinity's threat.

"It was that ugly elf, wasn't it" Jasmine nodded "Don't worry, she just jealous because we are spending time with the gruesome twosome and also of our immense beauty!" Trinity laughed so hard she tumbled backwards and landed in the tree right next to Merry and Pippin.

"OW, ahhhh, hehehe hey there guys. How's it hanging?" Trinity said hanging upside-down from the tree.

"Quite well, Trinity. Are you alright?" Merry asked over the loud laughter from above.

"Fine, Fine…ummm a little help" Merry and Pippin grabbed her hands and gave an almighty heave. She tumbled out of the tree landing atop of them, causing more laughter from above.

"Hehehe sorry bout that" Trinity giggled pulling them to their feet. They just laughed.

"It's no problem" Pippin gave her a warm smile. Trinity smiled and headed for the door only to run into Frodo.

"Oh I'm extremely sorry miss" Frodo said bowing low, but it was wasted on Trinity as she managed to tackle him.

"FRO-FRO" She squealed hugging him hard.

"Do…I…know…you" he gasped. She chuckled and let him go.

"Nope, but you will. I'm Trinity Daniels!" She took his hand and shook it ferociously.

"Um…hello" he said uncertainly, as she let him go.

"Please excuse me, I must be off" she said running out the door.

"Umm…bye?" Frodo said and turned to continue to greet Merry and Pippin. "She was odd"

"Yes, but she's more interesting then most" Pippin pointed out.

"That I don't doubt" He said with a laugh.

* * *

"EEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" Trinity squealed as she tackled Jasmine in the Hallway outside of her room "You didn't even try and help" Trinity accused tickling her ferociously.

"I…couldn't…too…funny" Jasmine laughed trying in vain to push the wet Trinity off her.

"No…stop…I'm…gonna…PEE" With that Trinity jumped off and took a few steps back, bumping right into Boromir.

"Oh, opps, sorry about that…ooohhhh it's you!" Trinity said in awe looking at Boromir so close that he took a step back.

"Do I know you, miladies?" He asked also looking at the still laughing Jasmine on the floor.

"Nope, but we know who you are" Trinity said in a spooky voice waving her hands around, causing Jasmine to fall backwards to the ground in laughter again. Boromir looked quite frightened as Trinity tried to touch him.

"Would.you.get.away.from.him" Elladan said as he came jogging down the hallway and started to slap Trinity's hands away from Boromir.

"Lord Boromir, I'm truly sorry, please, this way" Elladan started to escort but turned around to a laughing Trinity and Jasmine, though he tried to be stern he could help but smile as the two of them were rolling around in the hallway, holding their sides in laughter. "You two, please behave"

"Sure thing" Jasmine giggled as she gripped the wall as she tried to stand.

"Anything you say, Commander Poopy Pants!" Trinity quipped from the ground and trying to salute but failing miserably this caused Jasmine to fall back down in laughter. Elladan couldn't help but chuckle as he watched the two of them. He tried to explain to Boromir that there was something wrong in their heads, but he was still a little shaken from Trinity being all in his face.

"Hey dude, I'm kinda cold…" Trinity said getting to her knees and looking at Jasmine who was coughing because she had laughed so hard. "That's right keep coughing up that lung" Jasmine stuck her finger up at Trinity as she continued to cough. Once she had finished she looked at Trinity, who was looking at her with her head to one side and a smile etched on her face.

"What?" Jasmine asked huskily. Trinity smiled sweetly.

"You've gone red!" She stated watching Jasmine get to her feet.

"I tend to do that when I choke…sometimes I even go purple!" Jasmine said sarcastically.

"Hey, don't take that tone with me…child" Trinity smiled evilly as Jasmine's jaw dropped.

"CHILD...CHILD…WHO YOU CALLING A CHILD!" Jasmine squawked and advanced upon Trinity as Elrohir rounded the corner.

"SAVE ME OLLIE" Trinity squealed hiding behind Elrohir as Jasmine lashed out at her from in front of Elrohir.

"Did you just call me Ollie?" He asked like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Only because I like you" Trinity answered as Elrohir took Jasmine by the shoulders and held her back.

"Maybe I should let her go? Things could get interesting" He gave a sly smile, as Trinity's eyes got wide.

"Please don't, she scratches" She said as she showed him 4 faint scars on her wrist "This is when I took her chocolate…she likes chocolate" Jasmine nodded wisely at Elrohir, who just sighed.

"Well on other business, Ada has asked if you will please join us at dinner" Jasmine stopped struggling and smiled at Elrohir at the mention of food.

"We were planing too!" Trinity laughed.

"Well, were you planning on changing?" He asked arching a perfect eyebrow. Trinity looked down at her, still wet, clothes.

"Yeah, I was planning on going naked but I had a feeling that it might get cold so I was going to change but Jasmine found me first, and THEN I found out I have to beat someone up, AND THEN I fell off a balcony…" A look of worry crossed his face "…Don't worry, I am fine, my disciples can stop mourning"

"They weren't mourning, they were celebrating" Jasmine butted in.

"Shuddupa ya face" Trinity shot back, blowing a raspberry.

"Oh Yeah?" Jasmine said also blowing a raspberry. They continued to do this for 5 straight minutes, until both their faces were blue/red/purple, Elrohir, being as nice as he is, decided to stop this.

"OK, Enough!" He hollered as they looked at him in shock. "You!" he said pointing to Jasmine "Go to your room and finish gettting ready" He then turned to Trinity. "You; Bath yourself and get ready of dinner" Trinity smiled up at him.

"I'd really rather if you bathed me" She said batting her eyelashes.

"GO" He ordered, but still she stood there.

"But…" she protested but he cut her off.

"No, just go"

"But…" she started again.

"I said go!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY ROOM IS" she shouted causing Jasmine to stick her head back out of her room. She merely took in the scene, shrugged and went back in her room.

"Oh, that could be a problem" he said scratching his chin and looking at her.

"Really Einstein?" she sighed.

"Who is Einstein?" He asked looking at her.

"He was a really, REALLY smart person from our world that discovered things and contradicted old things making them make sense and what not" Trinity explained but he still looked confused so she summed it up. "He was very smart"

"Oh Well then, come along, I will show you to your room" He lead her 3 doors down the hallway and opened the door.

"Here is you room" he smiled as she looked up at him in disbelief.

"You mean…you know ya could have just pointed" she said looking about her room. "Yowza", her room was the colour of the sky and had light purple drapes, the bed was covered in the finest silver silk she had ever seen and there was a super soft rug under her feet. The roof had breathtaking designs of leaves and stars all carved into the soft wood and there were 5 pillars in the room that all had vines carved into them. There was a large balcony over looking a small field and a waterfall. A dressing table sat to one side of the room and two doors on the other.

"Those two doors lead to the bathroom and your wardrobe. Dinner will begin soon, so I'll send a maid for you and Jasmine at once" Elrohir bowed and Trinity just looked at him wide eyed.

"Mine" she squeaked causing Elrohir to smirk.

"Yes, you better bath before you catch a cold" Elrohir turned to leave and as he left the room he heard Trinity's voice on the air.

"You bowed to me, you bowed to me, you bowed to me, you bowed to me, you bowed to me, you bowed to me"

Elrohir walked down the hall with a smile plastered on his face. As he turned the corner he spotted Arwen.

"What has you so happy?" She asked indicating to his smile. He just looked up and caught her eye.

"Those two are so…interesting, they truly will keep us on our feet" he laughed as they made their way towards the hall.

_

* * *

_

_"I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs; **Chilli** Baby back ribs." _Trinity sang as she kicked her wet clothes out of her way and walked out of the bathroom in a robe and turned into the wardrobe, which was more like a full fledged dress shop than a wardrobe. There were so many dresses to choose from that she actually had to look twice. The colours ranged from the deepest brown to the whitest white.

"Oh, what to wear, what to wear?" Trinity mumbled as she walked down the isle. She stopped next to the pinker dresses and spotted a shimmery light pink dress. It had long sleeves and a square neckline; the bottom flared out and was swishy. She looked over it with approval but there was still something missing. There was a knock at the door and she opened it to find a maid standing there. She had soft brown hair and blue eyes.

"Good evening milady" She said as she bowed low.

"Please call me Trinity, and you are?" Trinity gave her a soft smile and let her into the room.

"I am Jiltrëf" She smiled as Trinity's jaw dropped.

"That is such a beautiful name!" She squealed causing Jiltrëf to laugh.

"Why thankyou, your name is also lovely, Lord Elrohir sent me to help you ready yourself for dinner" She looked at the dress Trinity held. "That is the perfect dress for you, it suits both your bone structure and skin tone" Trinity twirled it around and giggled.

"I know, I lurve it. But something's missing…I don't really like the neckline or the sleeves that much, but it would seem that all the dresses have the same sort of style plus this is a bit too big for me" Trinity said a little downhearted, but Jiltrëf smiled back at her.

"But we can alter it. You are in luck; I am one of the best seamstresses in Rivendell!" She smiled as she clapped her hands together. "So how would you like it altered?"

"Well…"

* * *

"HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Jacaranda!" Trinity squealed as she slid into Jasmine's room. Jasmine was used to these kinda interruptions and just ignored her and continued to apply her mascara, which was actually just some kind of black ink and a small brush. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH where did you get _the Texas Chainsaw Mascara_?"

"Mëldif gave me it" Jasmine mumbled as she finished her eyelashes and turned to Trinity "Ya want some?"

"Nuh, mate. Ya know I don't use makeup" Trinity waved away the makeup and headed over to the window and watched the sun slowly set.

"Dude, where did you find that dress?" Jasmine asked wide eyed as Trinity turned around and twirled for her.

"Ya like it? I got Jiltrëf to make it for me" Trinity's dress was altered so that it was now strapless and it was a size smaller which enhanced her curves and muscle tone. It also gathered slightly along her waist causing a twisted effect. She wore the excess material on her arms in a funky glove combination-thing, except that not fabric covered her hands instead it ended in a point at her middle finger and reached up to her elbows (USE YOUR IMAGINATION) she was also wearing some small pink sandals that were 3 inches high. Her hair was left out and it was held out of her face by a headband of flowers. It was now very curly and was starting to form small ringlets. She wore a small hot pink chain that had half a small butterfly on it, a symbol of freedom to the two of them. You could also see her dark blue kangaroo tattoo (think Qantas) on her left shoulder blade.

Jasmine had changed also. She was now wearing a light blue dress that has a curved neckline and long flowing sleeves. Along the hem line there was a small silver pattern of flowers and she was wearing some flat silver sandals. Her hair was up in a messy bun and it looked as though it was being held together by small blue flowers. She also had a tattoo, a rose, but it was well concealed (she likes flowers). Upon her neck sat a silver chain that held her half of the butterfly, it was a friendship charm that both her and Trinity wore all the time, ever since they were in 7th grade and had snuck out to see a Grinspoon concert and they had never taken it off, except for one time.

"And your's suits you so well" Trinity gushed and Jasmine blushed slightly.

"Thanks so does yours" Trinity held out her hand and pulled Jasmine up.

"Let's go and wow our audience" she said pointing to the sky and heading towards the door. As she reached for the door handle a knock sounded causing them both to jump a little.

"Who is it?" Trinity chirped stepping back and opening the door revealing Elladan and Elrohir standing their in matching deep dark blue tunics and tights, upon their heads sat an intertwined silver circlet. Their hair was braided back out of their face in three small braids.

"Goooooo…" Elladan was startled at the sight of the two women that it took Elrohir elbowing him in the ribs 5 times before he snapped out of it.

"I see you approve" Jasmine smiled as the twins nodded.

"I've never seen a dress like that before" Elrohir indicated to Trinity's dress.

"Yeah I got Jiltrëf to alter it for me" Trinity twirled around "do ya like?" she asked.

"Yes very much…I mean you are very beautiful…I mean IT is very beautiful" Elrohir said stumbling over his words and blushing as Elladan and Jasmine laughed, but Trinity gave a cheeky smile.

_"I wanna defeat the little monkey man and save the eighth dimension_." Jasmine giggled at her random outburst as the twins looked at her for an answer.

"She fell out of a tree when she was young and landed on her head; it was a 6 foot drop and she left a dent in the ground" Jasmine said cheerfully as she looked at Trinity who smiled and nodded.

"Yep, I can't remember it, apparently I almost died" Suddenly Trinity's stomach gave an audible growl "Well, that settles it; I'm hungry, lets eat!" Trinity grabbed Elrohir's arm and started to walk down the hallway with Jasmine and Elladan following.

"So what's this dinner all about, or is it just a regular dinner?" Trinity asked looking up at Elrohir.

"This is a welcoming dinner as all those who are attending the council tomorrow have arrived" Elrohir smiled down at her.

"OOOHHHH that means HEAPS of food!" Jasmine said from behind them.

They continued down the hallway until they came to the private hall, and what surprise awaited them.

* * *

THANXS TO **Austin Powers, Pricilla: Queen of the Desert** and **SpongeBob SquarePants **for the _quotes_

Ooooooohhhhhhh bboooyyysss!

**_"Shhhhh"_**

I have a present for you

_"Oh a present!"_

_"Shh it's a trick"_

(Opens attic door causing them to fall through) there is no trick Leggolina

_"Leggolina?"_

Yeps, please can you put these on? (Holds out fake fangs)

_"Oh cool!" _(Elrohir puts them in and looks very hot/scary)

_"I am NOT putting those in MY mouth"_

Why not?

_"Who knows where you got them"_

The costume shop on Darling Street, cost me 7

**_"They aren't that bad Legolas" _**(Smiles showing his fangs already in place)

_"Says you"_

**_"I do say!"_**

C'mon it'll look cool!

_"No, I don't know what you are up to but I don't like it"_

Don't make me get Mandrake!

_"Who is Mandrake?"_

He's a new muse I picked up…an evil little Leprechaun…he's green (He appears on her right shoulder in a puff of green smoke)

"Tiddle Dee toodle doo fiddle pee" (Starts to a dance on her shoulder)

See isn't he cute (He growls) I mean evil…mean and nasty (it smiles and continues to dance)

_"UH huh"_

Don't you like him (does puppy-dog face while Drake growls)

_"YES, I do like him he is very…great"_

Good, what about you two? (Twins nod in agreement with their fangs showing over their bottom lip) Now Leggy put the teeth in and I won't have to resort to sicking Drake on you, because in all honesty you are too hot to be all mangled.

_"Really?__ Well ok then, if you insist" (_Puts teeth in and looks VERY HOT (Cue drooling)

Hehehe flattery will get you everywhere with elves.

"Tee diddles fee pee kindle?"

No, Drake you can not hurt them and take their sprits

_"Why did you want us to wear these anyway?"_

**_"Day mash it vewy harwd to tashk"_**

I just wanted to see what you'd look like, because there is a party coming up and I'd think one of you should got as a vamp

_"Why not go as our selves?"_

**_"Yesh, not manshy peopshls…"_**

Take them out I can't understand you

**_"I said there are not many people like us"_**

Duh, your elves…alright take them out; I have to think up some more costumes…OOOOOOOWWWWW DRAKE STOP CHEWING MY EAR!

"Weddle Dee tiddler gee HIPPILY DOOKY WIDDILY STEEDLY"


	5. a pig named fred eating red chillies

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. **

**In my next life, I want to be a pig.

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues**

They continued down the hallway until they came to the private hall, and what surprise awaited them.

* * *

As they entered the hall, a wonderful aroma swept over them and sounds of chattered laughter greeted their ears. Before them was a large table full of fruit, vegetables, meat and wine. Every type of food was there and surrounding it was Elves, Dwarves, Men, hobbits and one wizard. Gandalf, Aragorn, Arwen and Elrond were sitting at the head of the table chatting happily with a group of elves, one of them Legolas and then the men sat around the middle of the table separating the Elves dwarves that sat at the other end of the table. Suddenly all eyes were on them as Elrond stood up.

"I see you have finally joined us. Friends, my sons and our guests Trinity Daniels and Jasmine Elda…" The girls waved as they were mentioned, noting the wine glass in Elrond's hand "…have finally arrived so we may begin our celebration" They cheered as Elrond finished and started to dig in. The twins and the girls made their way over to their seats, the twins sat next to their father and the girls sat next to Arwen. Legolas turned to the twins with a smile and remarked in Elvish (I'm to lazy to actually write the Elvish)

"Late again I see" he laughed the mirth in his voice was very noticeable.

They smiled slyly and relied also in Elvish. "Could you blame us" Elladan said and made a movement with his eyes towards the girls that only Legolas could pick up. They chuckled and continued their friendly banter. Trinity looked around the table and noticed that even though many were trying to conceal it, they were all looking at the two of them. Trinity sighed and thought to herself 'let em look' and she continued to study the faces. She gave a warm smile to the hobbits that sat across the table from her and gave Frodo a cheeky smile as she saw him blush and look away. She turned her attention towards their end of the table and caught Aragorn's eye and gave a sly smile but kept her cool exterior.

"We meet again Sled God Listen to my words of wisdom _No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world_." The twins, Jasmine and Aragorn both looked at Trinity quite shocked at the amount of insight and truth her words held, while others smiled and nodded.

"Wow that was really meaningful dude" Jasmine said in awe, but Trinity wasn't finished.

"_Yes, Simba but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life."_ Trinity smiled as Jasmine sighed and the others looked confused.

"And there it goes flying right out the window" Jasmine picked up some grapes and put them on her plate and reached for some more as Trinity stole a handful from her plate, luckily she didn't notice. Carefully she laid them on her lap and placed some potatoes and carrots, as she munched she looked around carefully making sure that no one was looking especially the elves, and when she was absolutely certain she gently lobbed a grape at Sam's head. He looked up stunned and looked around for the perpetrator then continued to chat with Pippin next to him. She did it again this time it bounced off Sam's head and hit Pippin as well, they both looked around accusingly finding Trinity eating her potatoes and spied Jasmine eating her grapes, but so were most people so they couldn't hold that against her so they continued to talk but were very aware of their surroundings.

Unfortunately for Trinity she didn't go unnoticed, Legolas had seen the whole thing and was watching with a smile etched on his fine features. After some more grapes were thrown with Sam getting more and more frustrated, she felt that she was being watched; she turned and found Legolas holding back laughter as Sam started to accuse Merry of throwing grapes. They caught each other's eyes and broke out into laughter causing some to stare strangely at them as they shared the secret between them.

"So tell me, Trinity is it?" He asked as she nodded "where did you come from?"

Trinity didn't know how to answer so she looked to Elrond and Gandalf who gave her a stern look. So she made something up on the spot

_"Big Bang? Primordial ooze? Divine hands of a benevolent creator? _Pick one you like_" _She said as Legolas looked confused. He looked as though he was going to ask another question but luckily Elrond stepped in.

"My friends, you are weary from your travels, please take comfort in my fine home and rest, many things will be answered tomorrow" He said shushing the room into agreed murmurs and approving nods. Servants seemed to appear from nowhere and escorted the guests to their rooms, until only Elrond, Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen, the girls and Legolas remained.

They began to chatter away in Elvish while Trinity talked quietly to Jasmine.

"I wonder what will happen tomorrow." Trinity asked munching on a strawberry.

"Well, we'll probably wake up and then have a bath, then get dressed in some really pretty dress, then eat something…" Jasmine started to ramble on about everyday things.

"No I mean about the council thing" Trinity said quietly.

"OOOHHHH" Jasmine sighed and thought "I dunno…what council thing?"

"You know…oh wait no you don't you never actually saw the first movie all the way through" Trinity laughed.

"Nope, I don't think I even saw the whole of the second one…I think I fell asleep" Jasmine said uncertainly.

"No we went on a double date remember, you and Phil were busy doing other things in the back corner of the cinema…Remember?" Trinity teased poking her in her arm.

"Oh yeah, hehehe, now I do…hmmm Phil was hot" Jasmine closed her eyes and started to think.

"Oh he was hot but Michael was HOTTER" Trinity laughed not noticing that the other conversation had stopped.

"He so was not" Jasmine countered as Trinity straightened up to her full height…well as high as you can get in a chair.

"Was too" She replied looking down at Jasmine who was now also straightening up to her full height.

"Was NOT"

Aragorn seeing the way this was heading, as he had to usually break these kinda fights up between his brothers, stepped in.

"Ladies, please, stop" he tried as Trinity turned to him.

"Whatchya want Gong?" She asked smiling at his shocked expression.

"Gong? What is that?" He asked her. Everyone was as equally interested in finding out how she had come up with the new name.

"Oh that is your new name for the moment" Trinity said nodding wisely as Gandalf laughed out loud to their astonishment.

"Ho, ho, these two have a wonderful personality. We are truly blessed" Gandalf laughed causing most to smile but Jasmine wasn't convinced.

"You're up to something, I can see it" Jasmine looked at Trinity who was also looking at them with squinted eyes.

"What are you going to make us do?" She asked tentatively, causing only more laugher from Gandalf.

"Nothing, my dears, nothing yet" With that they both jumped up startling those around them.

"AH HA I KNEW IT" Trinity yelled pointing at Gandalf.

"YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE US DO SOMETHING…does it have anything to do with food?" Jasmine asked sitting back down and looking innocent but Trinity was still standing but this time looking out the window.

"Ooohhhh pretty" She said running out onto the balcony and leaning out looking at the stars. "Oi! SPAZ GET OUT 'ERE" she hollered causing Jasmine to come bolting out and doing the exact same.

"Ooooooohhhhhhh Prettyful" Jasmine crooned looking up at the brightest star in the sky.

"That is Gil-Estel, the star of high hope" Legolas said walking up behind them with Elladan and Elrohir.

"It's very beautiful" Trinity said slowly feeling a wave of sleepiness over come her causing her to sway slightly but it was enough to alert the elves senses as they moved to steady her, but she waved them off. "It's alright, just a bit tired that's all" She tried to stifle a yawn but it didn't work.

"Come we will escort you both to your rooms. It has been a very long day for both of you falling from the sky and what not" Elrohir laughed. Legolas looked up in alarm but Elladan silenced him with a look that read 'I'll tell you later'.

With each step they took, the girls became more and more tired, eventually they had to be held up and in Jasmine's case even carried to her bed.

"Thmaks" Jasmine mumbled as she collapsed into her pillow, not even bothering to change.

"Your welcome" Legolas smiled as he exited her room and met up with the twins outside of Trinity's room.

"It seems she found a burst of energy" Elrohir smiled as they watched her jump up and down on her bed. She had changed into a bed gown in record time and even undone her hair. "She is very unique"

"She is truly amazing" Legolas agreed watching as she tried to touch the roof, suddenly as it began it stopped. Trinity stopped mid-jump and collapsed into a deep sleep on one of the silk pillows.

They closed the door and headed back to the hall to talk about the fate of these two women who literally had fallen into their lives.

* * *

Gandalf sat with Elrond a long time, pondering their thoughts and consequences of what might happed if indeed they let them into this world and if that wasn't a choice, how to get them back to their's.

"I spoke before about what I saw, though I did not see much, I am sure what ever we decide, it will have no effect on what will happen" Gandalf said rasing Elrond from his thought. The half-elf looked at him slightly confused.

"How so?" he asked watching the old wizard's face for any sign or hint of what he was talking about.

"I did not see this part, I do not know of the decision and I'm afraid that no matter what we decide the fate of these two women has already been written in the stars" Gandalf sighed stroking his beard, watching the fire slowly dwindle out.

"Nothing is written in the stars, their paths can still be changed" Elrond countered using all his experience to read the wizard's face.

"Maybe then again maybe not, unfortunately it is not ours to decide, I still believe that no matter what we chose for them, they are going to have a say in it" Gandalf smiled.

"They are very unusual beings that is certain. Also very spontaneous so we may have to keep an eye on them" Elrond chuckled remembering the water fight.

"Two eyes as often as they cam be spared" Gandalf chuckled; it was the same thing he promised to Bilbo about Frodo.

They sat there watching the dying fire for a long time after, deciding not to come to a decision about the girls because nothing they could say would really sway the stubborn minds that they both held.

* * *

Thanxs to **The**** crow: The salvation, Dead poets' society, **and** The lion king**

Its short I know, but hey 2 chapters in one night ain't too bad in my books!

**_"You books are weird, I've read them"_**

You have not! It's a metaphorical term, nutcase

_"Hey where is Mandrake?"_

I dunno (Screams are heard from the next room and then the sounds of thudding feet coming closer and closer)

_"HHHHEEELLLPPPPP"_

Ah leggy I see you found Drake!

_"He's trying to kill me!"_

Are you trying to kill leggy-oo?

"Fiddle hee kiidltreep feeelip ooky doopp" 

He says you tried to shoot him with an arrow

_"I DID NOT!"_

"Gruuple creeples" 

He said you did, Leggens are you lying to me?

_"I would never lie to you"_

I know…hey Drakey you haven't met Jake yet have you?

"Heedley foo"

You'd like him, he likes to drink too, speaking of which I have to head down to the grog shop, hmmm leggy you come with me, I don't trust you around Drake. Put a hat on. (They leave)

**_"So…Mandrake…do you like cheese"_**

"Heedley foo"

_"What about ale?"_

"Fiddley Dee"

**_"I'll take that as a yes, you don't like Legolas do you?"_**

"Heedley foo" (Growls)

_"That's a no then, hmmm why don't you help us find those Pixie Stix that Aus hid from us"_

**_"You'd like them they are full of suger"_**

"Fiddley Dee tiddly weddly doo"


	6. a pig named fred eating red chillies in ...

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. **

**Creepy but I'm still not over the pig.

* * *

**

YAY THORPEDO IS GOING TO ATHENS! YAYAYAYAYA THANKS CRAIG!

SCHOOL SUX!

* * *

**Real Identity Issues**

The sun rose over Rivendell, casting light into those places that were darkened by the night. The warmth of the rays caused the fog that had developed in the early morning to slowly diminish and the movement of the waking elves could softly be heard as they readied themselves for yet another day. A few of these occupants were also readying themselves for the council that was to be held soon.

Elladan padded softly down the corridor of the palace, he had the unfortunate duty of waking the girls. He had not experienced their waking habits yet but if they were anything like when he had to wake Aragorn when he was younger, then he wasn't looking forward to it. He reached Jasmine's door and knocked softly; there was no answer, so he opened the door a little and looked in to find the room empty. This confused him so he opened it wider and found no sign of her at all. He thought that maybe she was in Trinity's room so he made for her room to find it also empty.

"Uh oh" he sighed looking at the made bed "where have they got to?"

"Who?" asked a voice behind him causing him to jump ever so slightly, it was Elrohir.

"I hate it when you do that" Elladan said causing Elrohir to chuckle.

"Well you should be more alert! Now who is missing?" Elrohir said looking into the room.

"The girls obviously" Elladan said getting slightly annoyed about how blonde his brother was acting.

"Oh, I know where they are. They've been up for hours, doing some kind of ritual near the lake" Elrohir smiled "they look really odd"

"Alright then, come, breakfast is ready and I was asked to summon the girls"

And with that they made their way towards the lake to find the girls moving very slowly and in a deep trance. They were both wearing deep green tunics and tights along with some soft dark brown boots. Their hair was pulled up into messy buns atop their heads.

"This is what they've been doing for the past 2 hours" Elrohir whispered into Elladan's ear, trying not to disturb the girls, but it wasn't necessary because they finished just after he finished speaking.

"Howdy" Trinity said saluting the Twins who were watching them.

"Morning" Jasmine chirped picking up the mats that they were standing on.

"What was that ritual you were doing?" Elladan asked curiously as they walked towards the palace. The girls smiled at his question.

"That wasn't a ritual" Trinity laughed.

"It's called Tai Chi, it expands your mind and helps you control your inner self" Jasmine explained as the twins nodded, understanding the importance of expanding.

"Very hippie" Trinity nodded wisely as they entered the palace, they handed their mats to a nearby servant.

"What's a hippie?" Elrohir asked making their way towards the dining room.

"Very much like an elf actually, you know loving all creatures and nature…also very against war and fighting…make love not war" Trinity said doing a peace sign with her fingers.

"Does that make us hippies?" Elladan asked as they reached the dining room.

"No, you're normal" Jasmine laughed as they made their way to sit down.

"I very much doubt that" a voiced piped up from the table. The voice turned out to be Arwen who was sitting next to her father, also at the table sat Gandalf, Frodo, Bilbo, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Legolas and two other elves.

"Hey did I insult you?" Elladan said back taking up a seat next to random elf #2, Elrohir sat next to him while the girls sat opposite.

"Good morning miladies, I trust you slept well?" Elrond asked from the head of the table.

"Like a baby" Jasmine replied earning a smile form Elrond.

"I've never understood that saying" Trinity said from her right, Jasmine turned to her, a little dumbfounded.

"What's not to understand, I said I slept well"

"No it's not that, think about it. Babies slept about 3 hours each night because they constantly wake up either wanting to be changed or to eat something or because they heard a noise or they are annoying, so it kinda sounds wrong saying you slept like a baby, maybe you should say you slept like…like a cat!" Trinity said ending it with a nod. They all looked strangely at her for a second or two until Gandalf laughed.

"Well said" He chuckled "I remember a time when I visited here long ago when a certain young man was a mere infant. I think I only got a few hours sleep here that week I visited"

"Nonsense, Estel slept perfectly well for an infant" Elrond defended earning a scoff from more than a few at the table.

"Where is Gobbles today anyway?" Jasmine asked causing Trinity to laugh.

"Ooohhhh Gobbles, I like that"

"I assume Gobbles is Aragorn" Legolas said speaking for the first time.

"You know what they say about assume it…" Trinity couldn't finish the sentence as Jasmine had clamped her hand over her mouth.

"I. HATE. THAT. SAYING" Jasmine hissed in Trinity's ear but the rest of the table heard it…being elves and all. When Jasmine didn't move her hand Trinity started to struggle but she still didn't move her hand until Trinity started to bite the inside of her palm.

"Ow" Jasmine yelped in pain and pulled away quickly.

"Yooooouuuu should have moved your hand" Trinity said a matter of factly causing Jasmine, in response, to reach out to slap her forehead. But Trinity was too quick and grabbed her wrist mid-swing.

"Uh, uh, uh" Trinity tisked letting go of Jasmine's hand "We don't hit the face" By this time they noticed that all other conversations had stopped and they were being watched by all those at the table.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Trinity said smiling a cheeky smile at Legolas who looked amused at the suddenness of the question.

"I wasn't aware that I had spoken" Legolas admitted.

"Yeah, you were going to tell us where Gobbles was" Jasmine said not looking at Legolas but smiling at the elf on his left "But first please inform us of who these two handsome beings are" She said looking at them in a sultry fashion.

"This is Trelan…" Legolas said indicating to the smaller elf next to him, he had blonde hair and grey eyes; he could pass for a mini-Legolas, from afar, except for his different bone structure. "…and this is Raniean" Legolas pointed to the elf next to Trelan who also looked a lot like Legolas except he was slightly taller, had brown eyes and had a prominent jaw line, it was squarer. They could have easily been Legolas's brothers, except for the fact that he was an only child.

"Hello" Trinity chirped, smiling brightly at the elves.

"Hi" Jasmine said, looking at Trelan, causing the elf to blush slightly.

"Well, now that we are all acquainted, I do believe it is time for some of us to take our leave" Elrond said standing up, indicating to the others to also stand and leave with Elrond. The girls remained seated and watched them leave. All that remained was Merry, Pippin, Sam, Arwen and the girls, that is until Gandalf walked up behind them and tapped them on their shoulders, indicating them to follow him quietly. Once out in the hallway they followed Gandalf curiously until they reached their rooms.

"What's going on Gandy?" Trinity asked, noticing the vain that appeared in Gandalf's forehead as she called him Gandy.

"Hmmm, you two will be attending the council, you will also have the option of assisting with the destroying of the ring" This information caused Trinity to gasp while Jasmine just looked confused.

"Huh?" Jasmine asked still confused, Trinity turned to her, still with a shocked expression.

"Remember the movie? Well we'll be doing that kinda stuff" Trinity whispered.

"Uhh…dude, there was some pretty weird shi…stuff in that movie" Jasmine said still slightly confused but slowly getting the idea.

"Yeah so?" Trinity said with a shrug and then grinned widely "We'll be FIGHTING" Trinity let out a squeal and twirled around.

"So please, get dressed in some appropriate attire and meet me in the courtyard in 1 hour" And with that Gandalf walked off down the corridor.

"Umm…" Jasmine started again but Trinity just cut her off.

"Just get dressed" She said as she made her way to her own room.

* * *

Again, with Jiltrëf's help, Trinity's dress was altered to her own tastes. This time it was a powder blue dress that used to have long flowing sleeves, but these were now gone and it was made into a halter neck dress with two long slits up the side of the 3 layered skirt. (Don't think Pirates of the Caribbean skirt; think 3 different pieces of material, like a fairy…USE YOUR IMAGINATION).It also wasn't very low cut at the back.

Jasmine's violet dress was also altered now, except it still had the long flowing sleeves, it had a lower cut at the front yet still tasteful and also a very low cut back. It too had a split but there was only one. They both wore their hair down, which for Trinity was a good thing as her hair covered the scar on her back.

They slipped on some soft silver shoes, similar to ballet shoes, and ran off down the hallway towards the courtyard; they were already fifteen minutes late. Their dresses flowed around them giving them the look of gracefulness; they could have passed for elves if Trinity hadn't ran smack bang into a wall.

"Ow" She said getting up of the floor, with Jasmine's help.

"Come on Nobby" Jasmine said pulling her along towards the doors. Trinity continued to rub her forehead.

"Aren't you even concerned that I may have brain damage?" Trinity asked as Jasmine pushed open the doors and ran down the stairs.

"Darling, you already have brain damage" Jasmine patted Trinity's hand as they stopped in front of Gandalf, who was smiling softly at the two.

"Sorry we're late, Trinity had a small run in with a wall…literally" Jasmine said apologising profusely to the old wizard who just chuckled.

"It's quite alright, come it will start in 5 minutes" Gandalf said leading them through a small pathway to their right and down a small track to the meeting place.

"But you told us to meet you…" Jasmine started but Gandalf silenced her with a wave and a chuckle.

"Yes but I also presumed that you would be late" Jasmine and Gandalf continued to talk while Trinity just followed behind softly singing.

_"__Back to school; back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight; I hope I don't get in a fight. Ooohhhh, back to school; back to school; back to school..." _

They walked into the area to find almost everyone there except for Elrond and the twins. Aragorn waved to Jasmine and Trinity to come over to him and sit by him, but only Jasmine saw him as Trinity had spotted Bilbo sitting by Frodo and decided that in her best interests that she should introduce herself.

"Hello Bobo, how are you doing this fine afternoon" Trinity said plopping herself down in front of the two hobbits.

"I'm sorry dear you must be confused, my name is Bilbo Baggins, not Bobo" Bilbo softly corrected as Trinity smiled slowly and squinted as the elder hobbit.

"Not anymore, just ask Fro-Fro here" Trinity said as Jasmine started to drag her away.

"Fro-Fro?" Bilbo looked questionably at Frodo who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry" Jasmine said to the confused hobbits as she put Trinity in her seat, but Trinity saw another character that she wanted to harass but Jasmine pushed her back into her seat. "STAY" she ordered.

"You're no fun" Trinity pouted as Elrond entered the area, the twins following closely behind, looking every bit royal as they claimed to be. They both wore matching dark blue tunics and dark silver leggings; they also wore matching crowns that looked very similar to Elrond's. (Silver and Intertwined).

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old; you have been summoned to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite, or you will fall. Each race is bound this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." Elrond stood up near his throne and conducted the ceremony thing. Frodo stood up slowly and approached the podium thing in the middle of the council; at once all eyes were on the ring as murmurs rippled through the representing parties.

"In a dream, I saw the eastern sky grow dark. But in the West a pale light lingered. A voice was crying: "Your doom is near at hand. Isildur's Bane is found, Isildur's Bane." Boromir reached for the ring, but stopped as a stern voice fell over his ears.

"Boromir!" Elrond yelled causing the man to recoil slightly.

"Ash Nazg durbatulûk Ash Nazg gimbatul; Ash Nazg thrakatulûk agh Burzum-ishi krimpatul." Gandalf started to mutter the ancient words of Mordor. A Shadow came over the Council, and the sound of cracking stone and of thunder came into the air. Everyone looked effected and scared.

"Well, this is just... neat." Jasmine murmured into Trinity's ear, trying not to draw attention to her self, Trinity on the other hand was…being totally random and loud.

"_I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!"_ Trinity squealed grabbing her legs as if they were in pain; this caused some of those present to stare strangely at the two girls. Luckily Gandalf finished the Ring poem and the light returned drawing all the attention directed at the girls back to the more important matters at hand.

"Never before has any voice uttered the words of that tongue here in Imladris." Elrond said staring hard at Gandalf, who stared equally hard back.

"I do not beg your pardon, Master Elrond. For the Black Speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the West! The Ring is altogether evil." Gandalf said stating the obvious. Jasmine, who had become very bored of the current conversation, had spotted Trelan across the way and was making eyes at him. Trinity was making faces at Frodo, who was trying his best not to look at her and laugh.

"It is a gift; A gift to the foes of Mordor." Boromir started up again, causing most to sign at the man's currant antics. "Why not use this Ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor kept the forces of Mordor at bay by the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!" Trinity's faces grew more intense as she started to pull her ears, blow up her cheeks and stick her tongue out, making her look remarkably like a monkey.

"You cannot wield it. None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master" Aragorn said plainly, the suddenness of his words caused Trinity to jump slightly.

"Give a girl warning before you do that" Trinity said softly so that only he heard, he gave a sly smile in reply.

"And what would a Ranger know of this matter?" Boromir asked forcefully turning towards Aragorn, as if daring him to challenge him.

"Ooohhhh here comes my favourite part" Trinity squealed softly and watched the scene unfold.

"This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance." Legolas stated loudly, standing up, causing Boromir to sneer ever so slightly, yet his face appeared shocked.

"Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?" He asked with a look of sheer disbelief on his face.

"And heir to the throne of Gondor." Legolas stared the man down, his eyes burning bright as he protected his childhood friend.

"Havo dad, Legolas" Aragorn said trying to settle his friends temper.

"Ooohhhh Elvish…very hot" Jasmine said still locking eyes with Trelan.

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." Boromir said, very arrogantly as he sat back down.

"_Oh, get bet back in your kennels, both of you."_ Trinity said, causing all eyes to fall one her and Jasmine, who was still making eyes at Trelan, who was now actually starting to turn bright red.

"They are both right. We cannot use it so there is no use in quarrelling about it." Gandalf announced causing Trinity to smile widely.

"He said I'm right" She said proudly, sitting taller in her seat as Aragorn leaned over slightly and whispered softly.

"No, he said we were BOTH right" Trinity's smile didn't falter though as she whispered back.

"He still said I was right!" but there small conversation was interrupted by the smashing of an axe.

"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor, and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came." Elrond said glaring at Gimli who was lying on the ground, looking embarrassed.

"You know, he's a great public speaker" Trinity whispered to Jasmine, who still wasn't paying attention to what was going on.

"Mmmmm" was her answer.

"Do you think he'll mind if I borrow his eyebrows? I wanna make some boomerangs and I reckon they'll do pretty good" Trinity said staring at Elrond.

"Hmmm" Jasmine murmured her eye still glued to a certain elf.

"…And the great Eye is ever-watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air that you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly." Boromir started causing Legolas to erupt again.

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!"

"I know a certain red head who hasn't" Trinity piped up earning a elbow in the ribs from Jasmine.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" Gimli countered.

"And if we fail what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?" Boromir yelled.

"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf!" Gimli growled causing the elves to jump up only to be held back by Legolas. Suddenly everyone was standing and yelling.

"Never trust an Elf!" Gimli roared, enraging the elves more.

"Do you not understand? While you bicker amongst yourselves, Sauron's power grows! None can escape it! You'll all be destroyed!" Gandalf yelled, trying to stop the quarrelling.

"Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight" Jasmine and Trinity chanted from the sidelines. Suddenly Frodo stood up and yelled.

"I will take it! I will take it! I will take the Ring to Mordor... Though - though I do not know the way." This caused Jasmine and Trinity to go "awe" as Gandalf stepped forward.

"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear."

"If by my life or death, if I can protect you, I will. You have my sword." Aragorn said kneeling before Frodo, Trinity saw a wink pass between Gandalf and Elrond, obviously they were expecting this.

"And you have my bow." Legolas said, stepping forward to Frodo's surprise.

"And my axe." Gimli hollered, coming towards them, much to Legolas's annoyance.

"You carry the fates of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done." Boromir joined the gathering at the front of the council as a small voice piped up.

"Here! Mr Frodo's not going anywhere without me" As Sam came running through the council and standing beside Frodo.

"No, indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you from him, even when he is summoned to a secret Council, and you are not." Elrond said, slightly pissed off that Sam interrupted. But he wasn't the only one, another voice piped up.

"Oi! We're coming too! You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us." Merry and Pippin came running out of the bushes and stood on the other side of Frodo. "Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission…Quest...Thing."

While all this was happening, Gandalf has signalled to the girls to make their decision. They though for a few seconds…well Jasmine did, Trinity bounced over to Frodo and squatted down to look into his eyes.

"MY DEAR FRUIT LOOP…When it's really quiet - I can hear my brain cells _die! _So I will follow and protect you until you too can hear them die with me! And then I shall gain immortality…or die trying. Immortality…TAKE IT, IT'S YOURS" Trinity said as she gripped his arms and hugged him tight until Jasmine pulled her off.

"Yeah, what ever she said…except the insane part" Jasmine sighed as she dragged Trinity to the side of the fellowship. Suddenly a voice was heard.

"WOMEN, why are their women going along? Surely that is no place for women"

"Oh and where is a place for women" Trinity shot back stepping forward to challenge who ever had spoken up. A young man, about 27, stepped forward.

"Why in the home, looking after children. You should be cooking their dinner, not fighting with them!"

"I know you didn't just tell me what to do" Trinity turned to Pippin who was next to her "Did he just tell me what to do?"

Pippin smiled slyly, wanting to see the outcome of the fiery girl's temper "I believe he did" Jasmine saw the look in Trinity's eye and grabbed her around the waist as Trinity lunged forwards.

"Let me go, He's gonna die, _YOUR GONNA DIE CLOWN_!" Trinity screeched, struggling against Jasmine who held her; it wasn't until Elrond's hard voice hollered.

"STOP THIS NONSENSE, these two women are just as important to this quest as anyone. There will be no more on this subject" Elrond gazed hard at the young man until he sat back down and then at Trinity who gave him a Sweet smile that just screamed, "I'm-a-little-angel-I-didn't-just-try-and-kill-him"

He looked over the entire fellowship with a soft yet stern gaze and announced "Ele…" Elrond stopped for a moment and chocked back a cough. "Sorry…Eleven companions. So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."

"Great. Where are we going?" Pippin asked as Merry slapped him up-side the head. Unknown to the rest of them Trinity had snuck into the surrounding bushes and was approaching the man who has stood up earlier. In a matter of seconds she was on his back, screaming a loud Amazonian Xena cry as she bite his neck and kicked him in the back of his knees, knocking him to the ground.

"AHHH" he hollered trying to protect his…private region in which she was aiming.

"Tell me what to do will ya?" She shouted as everyone, still shock watched her beat him on the ground. Suddenly Jasmine came flying at her and rugby tackled her to the ground.

"HOLY CRAP WOMAN, CALM YOURSELF DOWN!" Jasmine yelled in Trinity's face who was smiling innocently. "You are gonna be in so much trouble" Jasmine teased, Trinity's smiled never faulted as she whispered, "Play along" to Jasmine as she "passed out".

"Where is she?" Elrond said…storming over. "That was no way to act…" he started but saw the "unconscious" Trinity laying there and an innocent looking Jasmine sitting cross-legged on Trinity's stomach.

"I knocked her out…hit her head I think. Sorry about that…she has these random bouts of violence that small things tend to set off. And she REALLY hate when people act all chauvinistic towards her. I'll keep her under control. Sorry again" Jasmine said as Elrond gave her a I-really-don't-believe-you-because-your-friend-is-laughing-quietly-making-you-move-slightly-and-I-have-better-things-to-do-then-stand-here-all-day look.

"I'm putting her in your charge" He said whisking out of the courtyard dragging about all kinds of leaves in his robe as he did so. The people around them also left murmuring about what just happened, the man was limping away giving Trinity evil glances.

"It's safe" Jasmine said as Trinity burst into an uncontrollable laughing fit, knocking Jasmine to the ground in the process. "Great…look what I'm in charge of…how wonderful!" Jasmine groaned.

* * *

Everyone had left the courtyard-thing and only the hobbits, the Twins, Legolas and Co. (Trelan and Raniean) and the girls remained. They were all chatting about what was going to happen, suddenly Sam gasped loudly and ran off, causing the hobbits to look strangely at one another.

"What was that all about?" Pippin asked, Merry just shook his head in response. Suddenly Sam burst back in and rushed up to Trinity.

"Miss Trinity" He said, all out of breath.

"NO, Master Googlewack, don't call me that. Makes me feel old" Trinity laughed as Sam blushed.

"Here, I forgot to give this back to you" He said as he pushed a bundle into her hands. She took one look at it and squealed in delight.

"MY BAG, I forgot all about it. THANKS SAMMY" She said pulling the hobbit into and hug and blowing a raspberry on his cheek.

"It's quite alright" he said blushing even more as he walked back over to the hobbits. Everyone was looking curiously at her as she sat down cross-legged and empty the contents on the ground.

"Ooohhhh, lip-gloss, mirror, foundation, wallet with money and stuff, mobile…not working, chewing gum…oh hubba bubba, lolly-pop…coke, pocket knife, earrings…oh my pink spirals, Martin's number…he was so hot, Phil's number?" Jasmine bent down quickly and grabbed it off her.

"That's mine" she said stuffing it in her top.

"Right…anyway, small bag of Caramel Popcorn…keep that for later, nail polish…black…what am I doing with black nail polish? Is this yours?" She asked Jasmine, who shook her head in response "eh, mine now…let see, lint…ewwwww…OH MY GOD!"

"What?" Everyone yelled looking at her too see if she had been attacked or what.

"PIXIE STIX" She said clutching a handful of colourful tubes to her and rolling around on the ground.

* * *

Quotes –**Billy Madison, Can't Hardly Wait, Pricilla: Queen of the Desert, Happy Gilmore**

Trelan and Raniean - featured in the Mellon Chronicles

Translation: "One Ring to rule them all; One Ring to find them; One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness bind them."

Translation: "Sit down, Legolas."

MY DEAR FRIENDS

It has come to my attention that FFN will now no longer allow me to talk to my boys CRIES BUT I WANNA!

I'm sorry there can be no more humour from the boys, even though they really wanna.

_I don't_

SHHHHH YOU CAN'T TALK

**_Can I?_**

NO…hehehe opps.

Here is the rule

"Please note that content guidelines apply to the entire story. For example, if you have chat or keyboard dialogue in author notes but not the story, the entire story will be considered for removal. To sum it up, everything you upload is subject to the content guidelines and TOS."

NOW THAT IS WACK

So unfortunately unless some miracle happens, my boys will only appear occasionally, YES THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE REBEL!

I CANNOT SILENCE THE YOUTHFUL MINDS OF THOSE AT WORK BEHIND MY STORIES………I don't know what that means but YEAH!

As I cannot write what I really think here…because of youngens reading this, and I fear of losing my story…I will put it plainly…IT SUCKS

IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS

And this A/N will appear at the end of each chapter until the rule is lightened, I'm not saying remove it or anything but I WANNA TALK TO THEM.


	7. stupid pig

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. **

**Do not try this at home... maybe at school.

* * *

**

Remember peoples this is book/movie/my mind combined ok, so in the movie they are there for like a day after the council or something and then in the book they are their for about 2 months…so I'm going to sum it up in Oh about a week! So no one can get all choppy about the timing and stuff.

* * *

**Real Identity Issues**

_"Right…anyway, small bag of Caramel Popcorn…keep that for later, nail polish…black…what am I doing with black nail polish? Is this yours?" She asked Jasmine, who shook her head in response "eh, mine now…let see, lint…ewwwww…OH MY GOD!"_

_"What?" Everyone yelled looking at her too see if she had been attacked or what._

_"PIXIE STIX" She said clutching a handful of colourful tubes to her and rolling around on the ground. _

* * *

"Ronald OH RONALD…WHERE IS RONALD?" Trinity hollered as she made her way down the elven hallway, continuing her search for Lord Elrond. Any elves that did see her tried their best to avoid her; it wasn't until Elrond came out and gave her a stern look that she stopped.

"What is all this yelling about? And who is this Ronald?" Elrond said guiding her into his office chamber. She sat down on the chair in front of his desk and crossed her legs Indian style, which is quite comfortable way to sit on chairs; I'm sitting like that right now!

"Oh silly, silly Ronald, not even knowing your correct name…the reason I was calling for you is that I know that you know that I know what we are going to encounter and I was wondering if we could please be assigned weapons" Trinity said quickly and sweetly but with an evil smile as Elrond considered her thought.

"Hmm well, Mithrandir had faith in your abilities and I have come to accept his…interesting way of thinking, so I see no real harm in allowing you two young ladies weapons" Elrond said coming out of his deep thought. Trinity shot him a bright smile as Elrond stood up. "Why don't you accompany me to the weaponry and we'll find you some weapons" he said offering an arm to her.

They made their way through the maze of elvan hallways and after a few trips, mainly on Trinity's part; they made it to the weaponry where Elrohir and Mirathyl were re-loading their quivers for the hunting trip they were going on that afternoon. They bowed deeply to Elrond and hugged Trinity…well they had no choice really as she had propelled herself at the two unsuspecting elves.

"My Cheesy Dumplings how are you this day?" She chirped letting go of the two confused elves.

"Err…we are…umm…well" Elrohir stuttered trying to regain his bearings.

"That's nice…OHHH shiny" Trinity said bouncing, literally, over to the elven swords hanging on the wall.

"Yes, these elvan swords have seen lots of battles, they are an excellent weapon" Elrond said picking up a sword and twirling it expertly. Trinity clapped at his trick but lost interest as soon as she saw some twin daggers on the wall. They were a lot like Legolas's except for the handles, which were a glossy blackish with a tint of dark green and purple in it and the blade had delicate leaves and flowers engraved on it.

"Ahh I see you have noticed the twin blades, these are Bùrianä Shákla, meaning 'Light daggers', these are designed to be hidden in your cloak, preferably dark green to black in colour. There is also a verse on there. It speaks of courage and light in all places dark." Elrond said handing the blades to her, she slowly ran her fingers over the engravings and then up the blade, careful not to cut herself. Quickly she stepped back and started to swirl them expertly, twisting them around body and close to her head, testing the weight and how they cut through the air.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Mirathyl asked from behind her, she turned and saw the shocked expressions on all their faces.

"Oh" She laughed brightly "Back in my world, I was taught how to use them. Long story short…" Trinity coughed purposefully "…our "parents" though it was best for us to go to boarding school but we caught the wrong flight, befriended a monk and he taught us a few tricks on meditation for the few hours we were with him, but deciding that we liked learning those kinds of things decided to study at a Buddhist temple. The monks don't allow girls to join them so we disguised ourselves as boys and learnt as much as we can before we...Ahh…developed too much physically. But the monk we had befriended realised who we were and told us that it was dangerous to continue to study there, and not wanting to ruin our knowledge and training and knowing how much we liked it, he took us to a secret temple and continued to teach us all kinds of martial arts. While we were there he taught us all kinds of fighting techniques such as knives, sticks and Advanced Tong Zi gong also known as SHAOLIN kung Foo." Trinity said with a smile.

"I though you said long story short?" Elrohir joked but Elrond's voice overpowered him.

"What is this, SHAOLIN Kung Foo?" he asked.

"One of the highest forms of combat techniques from our world. Our master, Liang Yu Kai, was a master of chi and the gentlest soul on earth, that's part of the reason he took us in and something about how we must have learnt it in a past life. He taught us many things such as Tai chi, that "ritual" you saw us performing yesterday, Xiao Hong combat technique, Arhat combat technique and many kinds of Zen."

The elves looked at her strangely but in a way they seemed to understand.

"Tell us, what is this Zen technique?" Mirathyl asked, probing for more information.

"Well, it's a great technique; basically it is mind over matter. First you learn how to control your mind and use it to control your body. Then you learn all these great things, such as Hanging by neck which is a great ZEN technique, Qi cong and 2 finger Zen. Hanging by the neck is basically what is says, you learn to control your body and hang by your neck in a noose with no other support but your neck and 2 finger Zen is learning to do 2 finger push ups and 2 finger handstands." She said placing the dangers back into their quiver thing and then placing it on a nearby create, taking a deep breath and then actually doing a 2 finger handstand. Luckily she had decided to wear her old clothes today otherwise she would be in trouble.

"Wow" Elrohir said watching her lean backwards and regain standing.

"I can't remember what Qi CONG was, Jas might…oh well. Anyway we also learned sword work and stick work. I excelled in the stick work while Jas excelled in the sword work, though were both equally good in the hand-to-hand combat…which is a bummer cause we can never figure out who is better because we're both equally matched. Like I said before, Lingy said it was like we had learnt these types of techniques before, personally I think he was slightly crazy, he kept going on about "Learn not to use what you have learnt in anger only in fighting for life", which I think is utter crap…hey do you have any throwing knives?" Trinity chirped suddenly looking around the room. Elrond chuckled and handed her a small grey bundle. Excitedly she unraveled the bundle and revealed a large selection of small dagger like knives.

"WOW, these are so beautiful. So much better than my old ones" Trinity said gazing at the knives, softly stroking them as the shone in the pool of light. They also had dark handles that were engraved with spirals of vines that reached up on the blade; there was also a small verse on the blade. "What does this say?" She said pointing to the small markings.

"It says "Travel straight and true; find your destination no matter how far or how hard; embed yourselves deep and steady; until it is I that removes you" they are very special, they were used in a great battle and have proven themselves worthy of the name Thkräuļ Shákla , which means 'Knives of Light'. You may have these as your weapons" Elrond said just as Trinity opened her mouth but he cut her off "and you may also have Bùrianä Shákla"

"YAY" She squealed, twirling around clutching the weapons to her chest but suddenly she stopped realising something. "What about Jasmine?"

"She may come here also and chose her weapons" Elrond said with a soft smile, leading the way out of the room.

"Shall I bring her here Ada?" Elrohir said as they walked down the hallway, watching as Trinity twirled around with Mirathyl. Elrond nodded softly as Elrohir continued. "She's an interesting human isn't she?"

"If she's human" Elrond said, turning into his study leaving Elrohir to ponder on what she just said.

"_Well I'm not crazy;  
I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell;  
but stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
a different side of me.  
I'm not crazy;  
I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care;  
but soon enough you're gonna think of me  
and how I used to be…"_

Trinity sat outside on a small bench in the woods surrounded by small pink flowers and a small stream. It was very peaceful here and she was enjoying just sitting here admiring the peace and her new weapons. But the peace was shattered when she heard the shrill laugh of the she-elf, Filda. Trinity cringed inwardly as Filda stopped right in front of her, but trying not to show her distaste for the elf, she beamed a winning smile up at the small crowd of she-elves that had surrounded her.

"G'day Fillings, and why have you invaded this beautiful place with such horridness such as yourself?" Trinity quipped from the bench causing a murmur to ripple through the elves, who was this human to talk to an elf in such a way?

"It's Filda, and we thought that there might have been an injured wrag or wolf out here screaming in pain but it seems it was only you singing!" Filda sneered down at Trinity who only continued to smile.

"Well that was very kind of you to be actually stupid enough to live…I mean check on the "injured animal", but I'm sure that if you sing that maybe a few more wrags or wolfs will come to find the half decayed animal screeching in pain…although you may have to keep your lackeys here because you might actually see your reflection" Trinity said with a winning smile as she stood up to look the elf in the eye, she was actually standing so close to the elf that Trinity made her step back, which in Filda's case was a bad thing as she had just given Trinity an advantage in power, influence and ground.

"Well at least I have normal hair colour" Filda said jerking her head as though she was trying to flip her head but it looked like she had a spasm in her neck instead. Unknown to most of the elves in the clearing, as they were entranced by the growing tension and Human .Vs. Elf challenge, Legolas and Elladan were watching the scene unfold from the trees, having just come back from a small hunting exhibition, which had ended up in an archery face off that Legolas had one easily.

"Yeah, but it's ugly" Trinity shot back with a soft laugh causing a vain in Filda's head to bulge visibly.

"What is with your clothes?" Filda shot back, pointing to the original clothes that Trinity had worn, which she decided to put back on. (For a description of these refer to Chapt 2…or 3, I can't remember)

"What's with your face?" Trinity said rubbing her forehead making Filda do the same; she continued rubbing her face, which Filda also did, until Filda broke into hysterics.

"YOU ARE A STUPID CRAZY HUMAN WHO DOESN'T BELONG IN THIS CITY, YOU SHOULD BE FED TO THE WRAGS INSTEAD OF FEEDING WITH LORD ELROND AND HIS SONS, AND YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM AT ALL. YOU SHOULD JUST DIE" Filda screeched at Trinity, who just smiled in return.

"What's wrong, Faeces? I can't understand you, _all I heard was blah, blah, blah I'm a dirty tramp._" Trinity said with mock concern.

"YOU! YOU ARE AN INFURIATING LITTLE DWARF…"

"Ahh But I am as tall as you, so that would make you a dwarf too!" Trinity chirped.

"…NO, NO WE ARE NOTHING THE SAME, YOU ARE A DIRTY, FILTHY DISGUSTING HUMAN THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DESTROYED AS SOON AS YOU WERE SEEN…" Filda screeched her eyes showing the fury building in her.

_"Ah, sorry to interrupt you there, _Frog-legs_, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born, nay, **spawned** by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way?"_ Trinity asked softly patting Filda's arm, feeling the tension in her body as she did so. As soon as she let go of her arm, Filda flew at her in blind fury, but Trinity had expected this from the moment Filda had started the argument and moved slightly to her left and stuck her foot out, tripping the angry elf into her friends. After gathering herself and slightly calmed herself, Filda turned to Trinity with a sly smile.

"Fine, then human, there shall be a contest. Best out of 5, if I win, you leave!" Filda said smugly, not knowing that Trinity was already leaving with the fellowship.

"Fine, if I win, I get to shave your head that includes eyebrows and eyelashes!" Trinity smiled sticking her hand out, Filda accepted with a sly smile and left with her groupies, leaving Trinity alone once again. She picked up a large stick and started to draw in the dirt, drawings of stick figures with no hair and big noses.

"Do you think that was wise?" Legolas said dropping out from the tree making Trinity jump and almost knock his head off with the stick.

"Ahh, what the hell?" Trinity gasped as Elladan also dropped out of the tree laughing. "What do I think is wise? You?"

"No, challenging Filda" Legolas said letting go of the stick that had almost hit his head.

"Why?...you do realise that you just said that you weren't smart" Trinity smiled twirling the stick while looking at the elves.

"Hey" Legolas said softly but was overpowered by Elladan.

"She is quite an expert warrior." Elladan said, getting dizzy from watching the twirling stick.

"And you're saying I'm not?" She replied twirling it faster and faster until it was a blur.

"No, it's just that…she's and elf and…" Legolas started also getting dizzy from the twirling. Trinity stopped suddenly and pointed the shaper end of the stick at Legolas's throat.

"Don't give me all that crap on elves and humans, I would think you would know better, with Aragorn and all" Trinity said moving the stick away and throwing it like a javelin into the surrounding woods.

"But Aragorn has grown up around elves and is basically one of them" Elladan defended watching Trinity pick her twin knives up and walk towards them.

"Well then, I'm just going to have to prove myself in this challenge thing then aren't I?" She said pushing past the elves and making her way back to the palace.

"It's not that I don't trust her skills, I mean we saw how she dodged Filda like that" Elladan pointed out.

"Yes, but Filda was acting in blind fury, she will not be like that tomorrow" Legolas countered.

"Hmm, I guess we will find out tomorrow then. Something about the way Filda was acting is making me quite nervous about this, she really hates Trinity" Elladan said as they made their own way towards the palace.

"Well then, we're just going to have to supervise the contest then, aren't we?" Legolas said with a smile.

"Hmm that's a shame because I was really looking forward to having to speak with the dwarves tomorrow" Elladan laughed as they entered the palace. Their mirth was heard through out the palace.

* * *

Trinity threw herself on the bed, thinking about tomorrow and what kind of challenges she would have to face, when a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in if you're ugly!" She yelled as Jas stepped in the room.

"Sorry to disappoint you" Jas chirped closing the door behind her and walking over top the bed and throwing herself down on the end of it.

"You didn't disappoint me, you're a 20 pointer!" Trinity laughed as Jas hit her with a pillow, causing Trinity to hit her with a pillow which caused Jas to hit her again and then started the Great Pillow War of Middle Earth. They built little forts and had bombing raids, with hand cushions and everything; it didn't stop until Jas's pillow exploded into a rain of feathers.

"Cheaply made Middle Earthian pillows" Jas grumbled as Trinity did her happy dance. Basically it was bouncing up and down and twirling around while throwing her arms wildly in the air while wiggling her bottom and singing 'I WIN I WIN I WIN'. Once that was over she threw herself back onto the bed and sighed.

"What?" Jas asked curious as to her friend's actions.

"Nuthin" Trinity said burying her face in a pillow.

"What?" Jas asked again, this time more forcefully.

"Nuthin, did ya get your weapons?" Trinity said changing the subject as she rolled over to face her best friend.

"Yeah I got a really beautiful sword and a pair of custom made nun chucks! But don't change the subject, what happened?"

"I _may_ have gotten challenged today and I _may _have accepted" Trinity said with a sly smile as Jas sighed and hit her with another pillow.

"Can you EVER stay out of trouble?" She said pounding her with a pillow as Trinity laughed and grabbed her own and hit back.

"No, but life wouldn't be as fun if I stayed out of trouble!" she laughed as the second Great Pillow War of Middle Earth raged in the room.

* * *

Quotes Matchbox 20 – Unwell, Mr Deeds and Scrubs

* * *

All that stuff on the SHAOLIN Kung Foo, is completely true and completely AWESOME! I would LOVE to learn it!

Well people it has come to my attention that I can continue my little stories of 'The Boys from Middle Earth and Drake' and here it is!

"Hmm now I don't know what to say, I'll just tell ya what happened yesterday"

Legolas entered the room wearing a towel his hair wet and dripping slightly.

"You have got to do something with that little pest!" Legolas growled.

"That's not nice Lego, Elrohir isn't small" Aus smiled at Elrohir who was paying absolutely no attention to the current conversation and was watching Wizard of Oz…again.

"No I mean, that…that THING" He yelled pointing to a sopping wet Drake who ran out of the hallway and tried to climb up Legolas's leg. "AHHH" he yelled trying to shake him off.

"Drake, how did you get out of the jar?" Aus asked picking up the wet bundle and putting him next to the heater, where he proceeded to fall asleep. "Fine don't answer me!"

"Aren't you going to do something?" Legolas said still standing there in a small blue towel with his abs showing and him muscular body glistening in the afternoon sun as the light caught the small droplets that were dripping down his chest.

"Gnarh" Aus said staring at Leggy.

"WHAT? Do something! He bit me!" Legolas said trying to get some sympathy.

"Where?" Aus said, snapping out of her daze.

"Here" Leggy said lifting his towel up slightly showing his muscular legs. This was too much for Aus, who fainted. The elves walked over to her and Elrohir prodded her with his foot.

"Good work Legolas; see what happens when you show your body to people" Elladan sighed putting a pillow behind the smiling face of Aus. They left her there and continue with what ever they were doing.

"THEY LEFT ME THERE! They didn't put me in a bed of tried to revive me…hmm nice visions…they just left me!"


	8. i like choccy eggs

**Disclaimer – (**Walks out in army attire including medals) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine, but that's not the point is it?  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. **

**Hmmm that's quiet scary, glad humans don't do that, not that it would hurt me in anyway but I don't wanna hurt Orlando **

**

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues **

**

* * *

**

_"No, but life wouldn't be as fun if I stayed out of trouble!" she laughed as the second Great Pillow War of Middle Earth raged in the room._

* * *

Trinity walked silently down the hallway pondering about tomorrow's events. She wasn't worried about the outcome or what was going to happen; she was just excited and couldn't sleep. As she pasted a lighted room, she heard a soft voice call her in. She entered the room to find Frodo, Bilbo and Elrond sitting by a fire. 

"Howdy partners" Trinity said as she made her way over to the trio. "You hollered?"

Elrond smiled as she dropped down next to Frodo and in a quick movement was suddenly lying across his lap. He chuckled at Frodo's shocked expression, as Trinity tweaked his nose.

"Oh chill, Fro-Fro, it's not like I'm gonna steal the ring from you or anything, it actually ain't that nice, now if it had some pink jewels in it and it was SPARKLY I could possible see the need to steal it. But until that day comes I'm afraid I'm just gonna have to leave you with that soap on a rope" Trinity said sitting back up and patting Frodo's head.

"I summoned you here to speak with you about your little "competition" tomorrow" Elrond said as Trinity's smile widened.

"Oh yeah, that well, I was actually wondering about something, you know, obviously, about the little wages then" Trinity said stroking her chin "Well I was wondering, what's the deal with elven hair? Does it like grow back overnight or take a million years to grow that long?"

Elrond laughed "Well it doesn't grow overnight it actually takes about 50 years for our hair to grow. We are born with hair and in our younger years our hair grows much faster than it does now, but if cut or _shaved_ off completely now, it will take many years before it can grow back"

"Oh really swatpcha ow wonderful" Trinity drawled in a thick English accent "So what your saying is, no to the shaving of Brune Hilda's head then?"

"I assume you mean Filda, and yes please refrain from shaving her hair off" Elrond said noting a spark that appeared in her eyes.

"Fine, I won't shave the hair that sits _atop_ her head off" sighed Trinity mockingly as she stood up and made for the door.

"Trinity!" Elrond said standing from his seat and turning to her as the two hobbits watched.

"What? I said I wouldn't shave the hair that sits _atop_ her head off" Trinity said as she disappeared out the door.

"Oh that girl, it's like having another young Estel around" Elrond sighed sitting back in his chair.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Bilbo asked.

"No, no it is defiantly not" laughed Elrond. "Although I think Celboril would shudder at the thought"

* * *

As Trinity walked softly back down the hallway she heard a soft giggle as she past Jasmine's room. '_I know that type of giggle…I invented it' _Trinity thought pushing her ear up to the door she heard it again and just as she suspected he heard a low male chuckle. '_AH HAH I knew it!' _Trinity thought triumphantly walking away from the door with a smile on her face. She hadn't gotten more than two feet when she heard a song drift past her. 

_"I'm feelin sexy  
I wanna hear you say my name boy  
If you can reach me  
You can feel my burning flame_

_I'm feelin kind of n-a-s-t-y  
I might just take you home with me  
Baby the minute I feel your energy  
Your vibe's just taken over me  
Start feelin so crazy babe  
I feel the funk coming over me  
I don't know what's gotten into me  
The rhythm's got me feelin so crazy babe_

_Tonight I'll be your naughty girl  
I'm callin all my girls  
We're gonna turn this party out  
I know you want my body  
Tonight I'll be your naughty girl  
I'm callin all my girls  
I see you look me up and down  
And I came to party"_

Trinity smiled to her self as she opened the door to her room.

"Damned Sasquatch" She hollered as she threw herself into her bed and falling into a slumber almost instantly. Pippin, who had been walking by, poked his head through the door not long after she had yelled and smiled at the girl whose torso was now slowly starting to slip over the edge. Pippin made his way softly over to the side of the bed and took one of her arms and softly pulled her back into the middle of the bed. Suddenly with a quick movement Trinity swung her other arm up and came in contact with Pippin's face, he yelped in alarm and hit the floor. Trinity sat straight up in the bed; eyes still closed, and turned to Pippin.

"_You fight like a poodle_" she laughed before falling back onto the pillow and rolling over.

Pippin scrambled to his feet in a haze and left the room. _'Note to self: never go near her while sleeping again' _

He made his way towards his room swaying softly as he touched his eye softly. He could feel the bruising and swelling starting, and he couldn't even tell anyone what happened because he didn't know which would be more embarrassing, being hit by a sleeping girl or being in her room while she was asleep. He was thinking so hard about this he didn't see the door in time and unfortunately for him the door handle was just the right height.

"Damn" he hissed '_Great two black eyes' _he thought giving the door handle a dirty look as he opened the door and walked in. Merry turned over in his sleep but didn't wake up as Pippin threw back the blankets and slipped into bed. He would have a lot of explaining to do in the morning.

* * *

"_Welcome to Duloc,  
Such a perfect town!  
Here we have some rules,  
Let us lay them down.  
Don't make waves,  
Stay in line,  
and we'll get along fine.  
Duloc is a perfect place!  
Please keep off of the grass,  
Shine your shoes,  
Wipe your... FACE.  
Duloc is… Duloc is…Duloc is…a…perfect... place."_ Trinity sang as she made her way towards the dining room, today was the day of the "competition" as it was now known. Trinity wore some light brown pants, with matching boots and a soft green tunic. 

"Hmm maybe I better change that to Rivendell?" She asked no one in particular.

"Change what to Rivendell?" Legolas asked walking up behind her, causing her to jump slightly.

"My song" She said a matter of factually, Legolas just smiled in response _in a hot and sexy way causing all around him to melt and wallow in his hotness…_GET OFF, sorry, small technical difficulties, He has been dealt with, and now on with the story!

"And how does that go?" Legolas asked as they continued down the hallway.

"Well…umm hang on… ok here it is.

Welcome to Rivendell,  
Such a sexy town.  
Here there are no rules,  
so lets get on down.  
Everybody dance now,  
so we can have a powwow,  
with a space cow.  
Elves of old and Elves of New;  
rooster crows 'cock-a-doodle-doo'.  
So let's dance with the cheese,  
and do as we please;  
as we walk through the halls,  
and try not to fall.  
Rivendell is…Rivendell is… Rivendell is…such a…hot place!

Thank you, thank you I know I'm great" Trinity cheered as Legolas laughed and clapped. They entered the dining room to find only themselves and the hobbits present.

"Hey guys…OH ME, PIPSEED WHAT HAPPENED?" Trinity yelled rushing over to Pippin and poking the rising bruise forming on his face.

"OW, nuthin" Pippin said trying to defend himself from her but she kept trying to poke his face. "STOP"

"Not…until…you…tell…me…who…did…this…to…YOU" she said finally planting a hard poke on the bruise.

"OW ALRIGHT, it was you!" Pippin hollered as Trinity stepped back.

"Me? ...me? ...when?" Trinity asked looking down at Pip as the others watched on.

"Um…err…I was walking past your room and I heard you yell something out so I came to see if you needed help, when I found you were asleep but falling off the bed, so I grabbed your arm and pulled you up but as I did that you hit me in your sleep and said that I "Fight like a poodle", I don't know what a poodle is but the way you said it didn't sound good, and then I walked into a door" Pip blurted out as Trinity looked down at her hand.

"I wondered where these bruises came from, sorry Poppet, must have given you a good wallop then" Trinity giggled pulling him into a hug. Merry chuckled at Pippin's blushing face, as he scowled back at the older hobbit. (Ok I don't care about ages, they are what I say they are and that's that!)

"So how are you feeling about the contest, Miss Trinity?" Sam asked as Trinity let go of Pippin and sat down next to Legolas.

"Pretty excited, young Master Slam" Trinity leaned across the table and looked into his eyes. "But remember this, Gow-gee, call me Miss again and I may just have to stick a pumpkin up ya butt! Ok?" She said leaning her head to one side and giving a sweet smile.

"Erm yes, miss…I mean Trinity" Sam stuttered looking down as Trinity reached across and ruffled his hair.

"Tis ok, now, were is everybody and more importantly where is the food?" Trinity asked sitting back down.

"Well I am here" said Jas as she took a seat next to Trinity.

"Really? And here I thought you would still be in your room, teaching unmentionable things to the poor beings of Middle Earth" Trinity said with a sly smile as Jas just looked at her innocently.

"I don't know what you mean" She said with a laugh.

"HAH bullshit you don't, does this ring a bell?" Trinity said as she giggled exactly the same way Jas had the night before. She saw Jas's jaw drop. "No? How about this then?  
_Tonight I'll be your naughty girl  
I'm callin all my girls  
We're gonna turn this party out  
I know you want my body  
Tonight I'll be your naughty girl  
I'm callin all my girls  
I see you look me up and down  
And I came to party"_

"Wha…how did you…we…I was quiet!" Jas protested as Trinity merely held up a hand as more elves entered the room.

"I will talk to you later, my dear rabbit, but know this, I hear and see everything!" Trinity said as she smiled at the twins and Arwen.

"That's a frightening thought" Legolas said in her ear as Trinity just laughed.

"I suppose, but hey, keeps me entertained!" She said as Trelan entered the room.

"Don't say a word" Jas hissed in her ear.

"Now why would I do that" Trinity gave her a sneaky smile as Trelan sat next to Legolas and stole a sneaky glance at Jas who gave him a soft smile.

"Why good morning Trelan, you look a bit worn out, didn't get a good night sleep, then?" Trinity asked politely as Jas elbowed her.

"Hey…" she started but Trinity just looked at her.

"I said I wouldn't say _a word_…and I didn't say _a word_ I said seventeen words" Trinity looked back at Trelan who smiled sheepishly.

"Ah, you could say that, I had something on my mind" He said stealing a quick glance at Jas.

"I bet it wasn't _just_ on your mind" Trinity said raising her eyebrows as Trelan blushed.

"Would you shut up?" Jas said elbowing Trinity again in the ribs.

"Sorry, that word is not in my vocabulary, now if you had said…OH FOOD" Trinity said as her eyes locked onto the food entering the room. "I love food!" she said as she grabbed handfuls of food for her plate.

"Duh" Jas said giving Trelan a smile before taking some of the food for herself before Trinity ate it all.

* * *

_"We are the youth  
we'll take your fascism away  
we are the youth  
Apologize for another day  
we are the youth  
the politicians are so sure  
we are the youth  
and we are knocking on death's door_

_Never knew we were living in a world  
With a mind that could be so sure  
Never knew we were living in a world  
With a mind that could be so small  
Never knew we were living in a world  
And the world is an open court  
Maybe we don't wanna live in a world  
Where our innocence is so short_

_We'll make it up to you  
In the year 2000 with_

_Never knew we were living in a world  
With a mind that could be so sure  
Never knew we were living in a world  
With a mind that could be so small  
Never knew we were living in a world  
And the world is an open court  
Maybe we don't wanna live in a world  
Where our innocence is so short…" _

Trinity sang while polishing her daggers outside on a small patch of grass. In a few hours she was to start the 'contest' and she needed a bit of her-time as this contest was on everybody's lips, and they talked of nothing but, it was like nothing was even happening in Mordor. She sighed and lay on her back staring up into the sky, but instead coming face to face with a gorgeous pair of sliver blue eyes.

"You know in my world that is called stalking" She said as Legolas sat next to her.

"I just wanted to know how you were feeling about the 'contest'." He asked as she rolled her eyes.

"I wish people would stop talking about it. This is worse then the time I had to fight Jas" Trinity said with a far off smile.

"You fought Jasmine?" he asked shocked that she would fight her friend, but she just laughed.

"Not in that kind of way. Back in my world there were many contests to test your strength and fighting skills…I suppose you have them here to, right?" Legolas nodded "Yeah, thought so, anyway I had to challenge her in one of those contests, and because we were equally matched it was the talk of the contest. We were the youngest competitors and we were going up against world champions, so at first everyone doubted us, much like everyone here actually, but we showed them, out of five pools we were the top of two of them, beating world champions…and they were mainly men too! Unfortunately for Jas, she had to fight me first and in her previous fight, her opponent had taken a cheap shot and hit her in her ankle, she's always had weak ankles though. Anyway she thought she was fine and throughout our fight we were completely equal but I think she tripped and damaged her ankle further, so she had to pull out. So she came fifth and I went on to become third, so were basically equal, though it would be interesting to find out who is better now. Sorry I must be boring you" Trinity said with a laugh as Legolas shook his head.

"No, please tell me of your world, I would like to learn, what did you do there?" he asked as Trinity laughed again.

"A lot, there were parties, competitions, work, training, football…oh I loved going to the football. My ex-boyfriend was a football player, he was the best ever AND he was really hot! Oh and then there was shopping…my favourite past time besides fighting of course, oh and horse riding" Trinity said getting a far of look in her eyes.

"You ride?" Legolas asked as Trinity nodded in agreement.

"My horse, Peanuts, was the best. He was a Friesian and about 17 hands high. He was crazy which made him so…so…fun, I wish he was here" she sighed and looked at the sky; suddenly there was a flash in the sky, and a black shape came hurtling at them.

"Whoa what is that?" Trinity asked watching the shape fall towards them.

"IT IS A…BIRD!" Legolas said jumping up and catching it just before it hit the ground. (Ok, how many of you though the horse was going to come falling in…people please…the horse would have died!)

"Poor thing, it's been fried, I didn't know it was going to storm" Trinity said looking at the clouds gathering on the edge of the mountains.

"I don't think it will, this poor bird was just unlucky" Legolas said…tossing it over his shoulder (oh come on people he's not that heartless!)…He held the bird in his hands and said a small verse of something in Elvish.

"So what are we going to do with it?" Trinity asked looking at the fried little black bird "Are we going to…eat it?" she gave Legolas a sly smile and licked her lips.

"I don't think it would be very nutritional" Legolas joked "I think burying it would be best"

"Hmm your loss, have you ever tried bird fried by lightning? Hell it gives chocolate a run for its money!" Trinity laughed as they walked a little way into the woods. They found a small grass mound near a tree and dug a small hole. As soon as they had covered the bird with soil, the heavens opened.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WASN'T GOING TO RAIN" Trinity yelled over the sound of the rain as they ran back towards the palace.

"I DIDN'T, I SAID IT WASN'T GOING TO STORM" Legolas yelled back as they ran through the courtyard. By the time they reached inside they were soaking wet.

"DO NOT come any further you two; stay right there until I return with some towels!" Celboril said as soon as he spotted the two in the doorway, he turned on his heal and headed up the stairs.

"I blame you for this" Trinity said pointing at Legolas who looked shocked…_and also very sexy as his wet clothes clung to his muscular body, enhancing his fine muscles and allowing Trinity to get a good view of what was hidden under his clothes, nothing but pure muscle …_GET OFF, do you want to be tied up again? No, then stay away…sorry, three guesses who that was! ANYWAY

"Me?" he asked "What did I do?"

"I'm not sure but when I figure it out I'll give you a call" Trinity said finally laughing "Leggens, I'm just joking" She shook her wet hair out of her face, being wet; it now reached down to her waist. (That's what happens with curly hair, makes it really hard to cut too, because if you cut it too much when it's wet then it gets REALLY short when dry!). They were a sight the pair of them; they were both very wet and creating small puddles beneath them. Their tunics hugged their skin and their hair framed their faces as it hung on the sides of their faces. Suddenly Trinity broke out into laughter and ran back out into the rain.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Legolas yelled watching her spin around in the rain.

"I LOVE THE RAIN" She yelled in return turning her face towards the sky and spreading her arms out wide as she span around in the rain.

"RAIN DROPS ARE FALLING ON MY HEAD,  
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN MY EYE WILL SOON BE TURNING RED!" She sang as Legolas laughed from the doorway.

She continued to spin but stopped suddenly noticing something out of Legolas's eye line. He grimaced and sighed before running out to where she was standing, to see what she could see. Upon arrival, he could see what it was; there was a pair of red eyes in the bushes just beyond the boundary of the courtyard. He took her arm and whispered softly in her ear.

"Move slowly"

"I can't" she whispered back, Legolas sighed and nodded. He saw the eye contact from the moment he arrived, he was now wishing that he had his quiver, but what was the wolf doing this close to Rivendell? That was anyone's guess.

Suddenly, from their left there was a flurry of movement, a nest of birds had been disturbed by another wolf as it charged at them. He moved to grab Trinity's arm but all that he grabbed was thin air as she had moved forward, drawing the animals' attention off Legolas. She ran at the first wolf who was charging straight at her, for the moment she ignored the hot breath on the back of her neck from the other wolf and just concentrated on the one that was in front of her. Just as she reached the fangs of the animal she leaped in the air, bringing down one of her daggers into the back of his neck, severing the spinal cord instantly.

'_One down' _She thought as she turned and came face to face with the other wolf. She ducked under it's fangs as it snapped at her, she rolled to the left and then into a crouch watching as another four wolves came out of the bushes.

"Aw come on!" She groaned as the wolves advanced, she threw two knives that landed in the lead wolf's neck killing it instantly. She turned on her heal and ran back towards the palace. She could see some archers running out of the palace now and taking their aim.

_'About time' _she thought as she felt a tug on her tunic, suddenly she was thrown forward onto the ground the gravel ripped into her skin as she slid along the ground and she could feel sharp claws in her shoulder blades. She braced herself for being ripped apart by the wolves but instead she just felt the full weight of the wolf and its claws in her shoulder and then a rocking motion. '_Aw crap it's humping me' _she thought as struggled even more.

"Milady, please stop, every movement you make the claws go in deeper" a voice behind her said.

"Oh shit the wolf is talking to me" she whispered stopping in shock.

"No milady, the wolves are dead, we are just trying to get two of them off you" The voice said again, she twisted her head around and saw Trydron smiling at her.

"Hey I know you!" She said with a smile.

"I know you too milady" Trydron said with a smile.

"Stop with the Milady crap, call me Trinity…OW!" She yelped as one of the other elves pulled the final wolf off, and at the same time pulling the claws out of her shoulders.

"Best get you to Lord Elrond" Trydron said, helping her up.

"_Not with out my effects_" She said running over to the larger wolf and pulling two of the knives out and then picking up the other dagger out of the first wolf's neck. She made her way back to the small group, leaving a bloody river on the ground, as the rain was washed the flowing blood from her back onto the ground.

"I must insist that we get you to Lord Elrond" Trydron said taking her by the arm and leading her into the palace just as Legolas arrived, with the twins and Jas hot on his heals.

"You're a little late" Trinity said as they passed them.

"Oh my god" Jas said as she saw her back.

"What? Oh it looks worse than it feels" Trinity said as Trydron led her up the stairs.

"She always says that. She's insane '_It's only a broken leg and the bone is penetrating the skin, it looks worse than it feels' 'it's only a knife wound and it barely missed my spin, it looks worse than it feels' 'I ONLY FELL OUT OF A TREE ONTO MY HEAD, IT LOOKS WORSE THAN IT FEELS!'" _Jas yelled as she followed them up the stairs.

* * *

"So, the two females will be accompanying the so called fellowship, will they? Hmm this has ended up better than I could ever have imagined. So in a bid to protect them, you will take them under your wing bring them along on your journey, unknown to you, you'll play right into my plan. And soon I'll harness their energy and power and turn it against you; I'll teach you to turn your back on me, Gandalf, The Grey"

* * *

Wow that's a long one isn't it! 

Thanxs to **Cats and Dogs, Shrek 1 and Pirates of the Caribbean**

Songs **Naughty Girl – Beyonce **and **Anthem for the year 2000 – Silverchair **

**

* * *

**

"AHHH" Jack comes running into the room clutching his hand.

"What's wrong?"

"THAT LIL' BUGGER BIT ME!"

"Show me…hmm pointy teeth…MANDRAKE!" Legolas walks in with Drake on his shoulder.

"Uh oh, what's going on, Legolas?"

"Nothing, me and Drake, finally found something in common" Legolas beams a smile at Aus.

"Really? Does it have anything to do with Jack perchance?"

Legolas looks very innocent. "It may"

"Drake?"

"Feeble Dee preens kibble wee" Drake does a little Irish jig in Leggy's shoulder.

"Hmm, you two stay here, Jack come with me. I need to fix that"

"I'll follow ye any where luv" Jack flashes a sly smile at the other two and then puts an arm around Aus's shoulder.

"Grrr" Legolas and Drake sit down on the lounge.

"I hate that pirate" Legolas hisses.

"Feelde pee dibblek weerskala" Drake sighs.

"I agree" Elladan and Elrohir walk in.

"What's going on?" they ask.

"Nuthin" Legolas says glaring at the door Jack and Aus disappeared through.

"Really? Well then what will happen if I open this door" Elrohir throws open the door to reveal Jack and Aus snoggin, Jack slams door closed again.

"Oh I see" Elladan says as he backs away towards the kitchen, dragging Elrohir with him.

"JACK!" Legolas roars charging at the door.


	9. i culd eat a bunch!

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. **

**(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine? Opps sorry what, oh well I could jump that too if I wanted)

* * *

**

**A/N is this story a bit too Mary sue-ish? I mean the story hasn't really started yet, but give it time and we'll see, but at the moment I'm only giving background info on the girls for you guys to relate too. So sorry if they seem all Mary Sue-ish at the moment, it may change later on!

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues**

_"So, the two females will be accompanying the so called fellowship, will they? Hmm this has ended up better than I could ever have imagined. So in a bid to protect them, you will take them under your wing bring them along on your journey, unknown to you, you'll play right into my plan. And soon I'll harness their energy and power and turn it against you; I'll teach you to turn your back on me, Gandalf, the Grey"

* * *

_

"If you're in pain and you know it, clap your hands, If you're in pain and you know it, clap your hands, if you're in pain and you know it and you really don't wanna show it, If you're in pain and you know it, clap your hands" Trinity sang as she lay on a bench clapping her hands to the beat.

"Stop moving otherwise I will have to restrain you" Elrond ordered as Trinity stopped moving and twisted her neck around to look at him.

"I quite like being restrained, granted it is the right person" She said with a smile as he turned around to pick up a vial.

"I really didn't need to know that" He sighed rubbing the substance over her wounds. "Care to tell me how you got this scar?"

"Which scar?" Trinity asked turning back and looking at the wall.

"This one" Elrond said tracing the scar with a long slender finger.

"OHHH that one; Well, it's kinda a long story" Trinity said flinching away as the herbs worked on her back.

"Care to explain?" Elrond asked, trying to probe deeper into her past.

"No, not really actually" Trinity said waving the question off but he was persistent.

"Does it cause you pain to remember?" He asked wrapping her back in bandages.

"Life IS pain, Banana Breeches. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something or like me…special!" Trinity laughed as Elrond helped her sit up. "All better now?"

"Yes, you shall be well in a few days, as long as you get rest" Elrond said turning around so she could put on the new tunic that Celboril had brought in.

"Okey dokey lemon pokey, all dressed" Trinity chirped hopping down off the bench only to wince at the pain. "Didn't hurt this much before"

"That's because the herbs are working, they should clean the wounds out and…" he reached out to steady Trinity as she swayed gently "…they tend to make you drowsy. I suggest you make your way to your room to get some sleep" Elrond said escorting her out of the medical room.

"Mmmm oh sleep, I know sleep…sometimes the bunnies bring it…other times it's Mandrake…he's… he's a leprechaun…he wears…green" Trinity slurred as they entered the hallway, only to run into Jasmine who was standing on the other side of the door. "Whoops, damn bunnies" Trinity said as she tumbled back into Elrond's arms.

"Ada, have you given her the "special tea"?" Elladan asked with a sly smile. (Only those who have read The Mellon Chronicles will know what this means. Basically, Elrond has a tea that is a sedative that he gives to the twins, Aragorn and Legolas occasionally to make them sleep off their injuries, when they refuse to rest)

"No, I didn't give it to her; it is the Naräku I used on her back. Please take her to her room." Elrond said pushing Trinity towards Jasmine's arms.

"I'm going to sleep" Trinity said looking at Jasmine before sliding down to the ground and falling asleep at her feet.

"Uh huh" Jasmine said looking at her; She prodded Trinity with her foot and when she didn't respond, Jas gave and evil laugh. "This is fun"

"Don't kick her" Elrohir said picking Trinity up from the ground.

"Why? Can I kick you then B1?" Jas asked raising her foot behind her, reading herself to kick him.

"No…B1?" Elrohir asked as he pushed through and headed up the hallway.

"Yes, to me you are a banana, and not just any banana, a banana in PYJAMAS" Jasmine said pointing at him and then skipping down the hallway in front of him. After placing Trinity in her bed, they all headed to the Hall of Fire.

"Legolas, I have a question" Elladan said as Legolas finished drying his hair.

"And what may that be?"

"What were you doing with Trinity outside during the rain?" Elladan smiled as he raised a suggestive eyebrow at the elvan prince.

"Well, I was asking about her world and then we had to bury a bird" Legolas said running a hand through his long golden mane.

"What?" Elrohir asked looking strangely as Legolas nodded.

"The poor creature was struck by lightning it would seem. We had to bury it because she actually wanted to eat it" Legolas said as Jasmine started to crack up into a hysterical laughter.

"That girl will eat anything…trust me, I've seen it!" Jasmine managed to say though her laughter (I have too, I've eaten 2 prawn heads and 2 prawn tails…actually I've eaten it all, but it was cooked in a marinate…I'm NOT WEIRD…drunk maybe!). They continued to banter back and forth between each other when and evil presence filled the room.

"Where is she?" Filda demanded destroying the joyous atmosphere that was in the hall.

"Who?" Jas asked dumbly, infuriating the elf maiden.

"You know who, the other human girl, I want to know where she is!" She said walking over to the small group, her posse following her every step.

"Oh, well you know Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was the suspect, so step back elf-bitch from hell, before you get a thumpin!" Jasmine said from her position on the floor, which just happened to be on top of all of the pillows in the room.

"Who asked you anyway?" Filda sneered down at the smiling human.

"Ahhh that would be you!" Elrohir piped up as Filda turned a fake smile on him.

"Sorry My prince, my eagerness for this competition has gotten to me" She said quickly.

"Why are you going through with this little competition anyway?" Elladan asked as Filda turned to him and bowed her head.

"Begging your pardon, My Prince, but that is between me and the human" Filda said softly but with harshness to it.

"Well, there will be no fighting this day, or tomorrow, she is injured and recovering. So it would be best if you leave it till another day" Legolas said staring hard at the elf that looked away from his steel hard gaze. He didn't trust her as far as he could throw her, and from the look of the elf maiden that wouldn't be too far.

"Yes sir" she said turning and stalking out of the room.

"And now a yak…YYYYYYYAAAAAAAKKKKK YAK, YAK" Jas hollered as the elves flinched at her sudden outburst. Elladan rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at the howling girl.

"OI, which one of you threw that?" She asked sitting up and throwing the pillow back at Elrohir, and so commenced the THIRD Great Pillow War of Middle Earth.

* * *

2 days later and a pig named fred

* * *

"Tiny salmon swimming in a stream,  
tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream.  
The mynah bird says, "Caw. Ca-Caw",  
the friendly owl says, "Hoo, hoo-hoo".  
The chimpanzee says, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE",  
But the salmon can only say, "Bloobloobloobloo. Bloobloobloobloo. Blooboloobolooooo-Blooblooo-Bloobloobloo.  
And it's sad."

Trinity sat outside on her balcony singing, badly, into the morning breeze. She had been awake before the suns rays had even lightened the sky and had finished her daily Tai Kwan Do and varies other morning rituals, now she sat and watched the sun rise. Elrond had finally allowed her to get out of bed, as he was happy with her recovery, although he had wanted her to continue to rest but she was too restless to lie around. She though she heard a door open but she couldn't be sure and was too lazy to go and figure out is it was. Suddenly she was hit from behind.

"Shut the hell up" Jasmine ordered as she sat down at Trinity's feet, wrapped snugly in a blanket.

"How'd you get in here so quietly?" Trinity asked looking down at Jasmine who tilted her head back and smiled at her.

"I dunno, just walked in normally" She said with a shrug. "Maybe you're going deaf"

"Maybe"

They continued to sit in silence and watch the sun rise over the mountains, enjoying the natural sounds of Middle Earth. They didn't utter a word to each other, but they both new what the other was thinking. They had left their lives in another world, everything they knew, and everyone they knew had been left behind. Now in many cases that wasn't a bad thing but there were a few people that they would miss and then again there would be those people who they would be glad to be rid of, so it was kinda 50/50. Trinity sighed heavily as she remembered Elrond's question in the medical room.

"What's wrong?" Jas asked from her feet.

"Elrond asked about my back" Trinity answered staring at the red, blues and purples that the sky had changed to.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, just gave a smart arse answer as usual" Trinity sighed.

"Haven't you learned anything?" Jas joked leaning heavily on Trinity's legs to make her point.

"Obviously not, I'm hungry; do ya reckon anyone else is up?" Trinity asked changing the subject,

"Dunno, I just came in here to shut you up, that was a bloody awful song you were singing…no, howling" Jas laughed standing up and pulling Trinity out of her chair.

"Ok, so singing ain't my strong point, just like fighting isn't yours" Trinity teased pushing Jas out of her room. "Get dressed".

"Why your not…oh…ok hang on" Jas said as she ran into her room. Trinity had dressed earlier in the morning. She wore a sliver grey tunic and dark blue leggings with soft leather boots. Her hair was up in a high ponytail as she had managed to find some hair ties in her bag that morning. Jasmine came out wearing similar attire except in light green and her hair was down.

"Want some hair ties?" Trinity asked offering her one from her pocket, she always carried one.

"Yeah, I'm so sick of wearing my hair down" Jas took two hair ties and put her hair into pigtails.

"Could you look any younger?" Trinity teased as they walked towards the dining room.

"Whatever, at least I'm not getting a receding hairline" Jas teased back.

"I am not"

"You are to"

"Am not"

"Are to"

"Am not"

"Are to"

"Am not"

"Are to"

"Am not"

"Are to"

"AM NOT!" Trinity yelled into her ear and ran off into the dining room with Jas hot on her heals. They raced around the dining table as Jas tried to stab Trinity with a fork. They were finally stopped when Celboril and Lord Glorfindel walked in to find Trinity trying to cut off one of Jasmine's pigtails with a spoon.

"What is going on here?" Glorfindel asked pulling Trinity off Jasmine who was now trying to escape Celboril's grasp.

"She said I had a receding hair line!" Trinity whimpered putting a puppy-dog-from-hell face on and burying her face in the Lord's clothes.

"Oh, you are so evil" Jas gasped from Celboril's arms.

"And I'm so good at it" Trinity said grinning at Jasmine from Glorfindel's arms.

"This will stop, She doesn't have a receding hairline and don't try and cut her hair with a spoon…use a knife" Glorfindel joked winking at Trinity.

"Oh My ME you've corrupted them all haven't you!" Jasmine gasped as Celboril let her go.

"Yep" Trinity chirped "Hey Cellophane, are you making breakfast?"

"Yes I am and my name is Celboril" He said giving her a stern look as he walked into the kitchen with Glorfindel.

"I know" She said as she skipped over to her seat across from Jasmine, who poked her tongue at her.

"You just keep doing that, one day the wind will change and you'll stay that way" Trinity said sternly giving Jasmine a sly look.

"Oh yeah you'd know all about that wouldn't ya!" Jasmine shot back as some of the kitchen staff walked out with a plate of fruit.

"That's a rather stupid mind you've got there, my friend" Trinity shot back, lobbing a grape at Jasmine, as she turned and thanked the servant, hitting her in the ear.

"AH, I know you did that and you're gonna pay" Jas said pointing at Trinity who smiled innocently.

"You can't prove anything"

"Oh yeah" Jas said chucking a cherry at Trinity hitting her in the ponytail as she ducked.

"You obviously throw as bad as you fight!" Trinity remarked throwing a raspberry at Jasmine who blocked it with her hand. They continued their food fight, unknown to them they were being watched.

"Look at them going at it" Elrohir whispered watching Jasmine catch a grape and chuck it back.

"How long do you think it's been going on for?" Legolas asked watching as Trinity also grabbed the grape and chucked it and three others at Jasmine, who couldn't block them all and managed to get hit in the nose and forehead.

"I don't know but I think Trinity will win" Elladan laughed as he watched Trinity catch a strawberry in her mouth and give Jasmine a triumphant smile.

"I heard that. I heard that. Don't be talkin' 'bout me, man!" Trinity mumbled with a mouthful of food, pointing at the elves as Jas took her final shot and hit Trinity square in the forehead leaving a red mark. "OH no fair they distracted me"

"Your right" Jasmine agreed throwing a cherry at the trio. Unfortunately Elladan caught it and ate it, but before they could realise what was happening they were being bombarded with all kinds of fruit, by the time it stopped the trio was red in the face and so were the girls, but that was from laughing.

"If Celboril sees this…" Elrohir started but Trinity jumped up.

"BY GADS HE'S RIGHT, quick, lets away!" Trinity said as she ran around the table and grabbed Jasmine by the arm and dragged her out through the other door, leaving the trio standing in the doorway surrounded by fruit as Celboril walked in. Trinity and Jasmine giggled as they heard him yelling at the three of them.

"Do you reckon they'll tell him it was us?" Jas asked as they ran towards their rooms.

"Most probably, so let's get rid of all evidence and deny, deny, DENY" Trinity laughed as they reached their rooms and rid themselves of all fruit covered clothes. They now wore slightly matching dark green tunics; the only difference was one had leaf patterns and the other had no patterns. They walked into then dining hall only to come face to face with Celboril.

"You two, where you also in on this little food fight?" He asked staring them down. Trinity beamed a winning smile at him.

"Certainly not, we are far to mature for that" This earned a snort from most in the room.

"Is that why Lord Glorfindel and I had to separate you two this morning after you chased each other for over five minutes?" He said crossing his arms.

"My dear Gollywog that was a misunderstanding and it was so early in the morning that our brains were not fully functioning. I apologise for any inconvenience but soon after that, Jasmine and I returned to our rooms and changed into our daily attire, as you can see, we are not wearing what we were before. Why? What has happened?" Trinity asked innocently as Celboril sighed.

"Nothing, go, sit and eat" He said waving his hand at the two before moving off to find Lord Elrond. The girls smiled at the three scowling elves as they took their seats.

"I can't believe you two" Legolas said as he watched them sit down.

"Why, I find myself very believable" Trinity said with a sly smile.

"That, I have to admit, that was a very good cover up" Jasmine laughed as Trinity sipped her drink.

"Ah, it's called thinking on your feet. I may not be able to sing but I can spin a tale as fast as you can listen…does that make sense?" Trinity seemed to ask herself.

"Hmm, right, anyway what's everyone up to today?" Jas asked innocently.

"Well, we have dish duty right after this…" Elrohir started.

"Oh well, you guys should have run…oh wait, I'm glad you didn't because if you did then _we_ would have had to clean up instead" Trinity laughed along with Jasmine as the twins and Legolas made a kind of gasping sound.

"What didn't that ever occur to yous?" Jas asked innocently.

"Apparently not" Elladan said as Elrond entered.

"Good morning Hugz" Trinity and Jasmine chimed as they beamed an innocent smile at the elvan lord who regarded them suspiciously.

"Good morning" Elrond said having grown used to the various names that the two used. "What have you done?"

"Us?" Jas asked innocently.

"Why would we do anything" Trinity said.

"You have the same look that four others usually get when they get into trouble" Elrond said sparing a glace at the two blushing twins.

"We never do anything to get us into trouble" Jasmine said as Legolas nearly choked on his drink.

"What's wrong Legolas dear?" Trinity asked through gritted teeth

"Is there something you would like to share?" Elrond asked as Jasmine and Trinity shot daggers at the elvan prince. For two innocent girls they gave death stares that could kill a Nazgul.

"N…no Milord" He said staring down at his food as Aragorn entered.

"AH it is the Stocking Prince!" Trinity exclaimed as all regarded her with a strange look, all except Jasmine who was laughing hysterically into her napkin.

"Stocking Prince?" Aragorn asked as Trinity smiled dumbly.

"I'm just naturally crazy and prone to saying crap" She said.

"You never uttered a truer sentence" Elladan muttered.

* * *

I'm ending it there because I wanna go to bed! 

LOOK A UPDATE! Aren't you proud! It's been so very long since I wrote anything, tomorrow my POTC fic shall be updated too!

Legolas walks in and gives her a soft smile.

"Oh I feel special, he never does that" Meanwhile Jack scowls at the both of them. "Poopy pants"

Meanwhile Twins are playing 'Snap' and the slapping of cards grow louder and louder.

"SNAP" Elladan hollered making everyone jump.

"Oh they are so sweet; they're my favourite, never fighting like the other two, always nice and quite…"

"YOU CHEATED"

"I CHEATED YOU CHEATED"

"YOU'RE GONNA DIE"

"NOT IF YOU DIE FIRST"

"…and sweet, I spoke way too soon" Walks over and separates the two fighting twins, who are trying to cut each other with the cards, because their weapons had been confiscated long before, luckily.

"Now, Now, no one likes a paper cut. Here you go with Legolas and you go with Jack. Jack take Elladan into the backyard and calm him down."

"Why should I?" Jack sneered.

"You're not hot when you sneer at me, and because I said so and I hold the key to your rum, savvy?" Jack mumbles something incoherent and takes Elladan into the backyard.

"Hopefully he'll calm him down…"

"YOU ROTTEN ELF"

"I spoke too soon…again, damnation!" Runs out and stops Jack from drowning Elladan.

"RIGHT THAT'S IT!" Grabs a tranquilizer gun and shoots all four of them.

"That's…better, sleep tight boys"


	10. can u see the llama?

** Drinks sixth glass of freshly squeezed orange juice **YAY totally random introduction, no, NO, BAD disclaimer, go away…oohh a bruise, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…hmm hurts to poke it. Hehehehehe Thankyou many reviewers, thankyou no response for you! ** Starts to talk like Keira Knightly **Oh you bad pirate, I think a spanking is in order…** Reads reviews and cackles insanely **Hehehehehe I like skipping ropes ** Jack sneaks up behind her and hits her with a bat **

_"We are sorry as we are experiencing technical difficulties, it would seem our Authoress has lost her mind. Please do not adjust you computer, normal reading will follow shortly." _**BBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP

* * *

**

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. **

**What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?

* * *

**

**Real Identity issues**

_"I'm just naturally crazy and prone to saying crap" She said._

_"You never uttered a truer sentence" Elladan muttered.

* * *

_

"Popcorn, popcorn, I want some popcorn" Jasmine sung as she skipped down the hallway. She was hiding from Trinity because she had just stolen and eaten the last of Trinity's Caramel Popcorn and she still wanted more. Thankfully, while Trinity was recovering, Jasmine had nothing better to do than explore the grounds and she got quite good a knowing where most things were. At the moment she was heading towards the kitchens, hoping that Celboril had forgotten this mornings little incident. Upon entering the kitchen she was met with a barrage of wondrous smells. Stews, soups, sauces, meat, bread and sweets were all cooking atop a giant stove.

"Yanamana" Jasmine said in awe as she watched the kitchen staff worked. After a few moments she snapped out of her daze and tapped Celboril on his shoulder. "Jenga Mr Elf"

"Err Hello, why are you in my kitchen?" Celboril asked raising a suspicious eyebrow.

"Weeeellllll, I was wondering if I could teach you something slash make something!" Jasmine said as she bounced up and down excitedly.

"And what may that be?" He asked again regarding her with a soft yet stern glare that only he was capable of.

"POPCORN!" Jasmine cheered excitedly causing Celboril to take a step back.

"Popcorn?" He asked worriedly knowing full well that his kitchen may never be the same if she was allowed access.

"Yeah! It's really yummy" Jasmine said patting his shoulder as she passed by and walked over to the pantry.

"What does it consist of?" he asked following curiously as she reappeared with some dried corn curdles. "Surely not those, they are dry and tasteless. We give them to the animals"

"Have you ever thought of cooking them, smartypants?" Jasmine said as you poured a small amount of oil into a pan and putting atop the roaring stove. "Now, what you do…" Jas looked at Celboril who was still standing in the doorway "…come here! Now, you pour as much of these into the pan, cover with lid and wait" She smiled at the intrigued elf "See easy!"

"Hmm so now what happens?" he asked jumping as loud popping noises erupted from the pot.

"Now, the corny-things are popping open. When the popping is complete, you open the lid and Wa-La" Jasmine said as she lifted the lid of the pot revealing a full pot of fluffy white pieces. "See Yummy" she said popping a piece in her mouth after pouring the popcorn into a nearby bowl. "Needs salt…and butter…no, no…OOOHHHH CARAMEL!"

Celboril looked at the strange substance curiously as Jasmine poured salt and melted butter all over it, mixing as she did so. _It does smell good_ he thought as he took a piece and ate it slowly. He smiled as the creamy yet tangy taste hit his senses.

"Yeah, that's right. It's good shi…stuff. Now I'll show you how to make different kinds" Jasmine said as she started to teach him how to make butterscotch, caramel, chocolate, cheese, salt and vinegar popcorn. Soon the kitchen was brimming with bowls of popcorn and everyone present was enjoying the sweetness of the newly found treat. "You can eat this anytime, just not all the time, sometimes you get sick…sometimes" Jasmine warned as she, and the rest of the kitchen staff, stuffed their mouths full of popcorn.

"Thankyou, Thankyou for teaching me how to make this wonderful sweet" Celboril said, though it was muffled by the popcorn.

"No worries, now just remember, when you pack food for us on our trip, put heaps of packets of these in our packs. Please and thankyou!" Jasmine laughed as they continued their little secret feast.

* * *

"If I knew who it was, that person would be in a momentous amount of pain!" Trinity huffed as she stormed down the hallway away from the bemused hobbits. It had been like this for the last ten minutes, even since Trinity had found an empty popcorn bag on her floor.

"Well it wasn't us" Pippin yelled as Trinity walked away.

"You shouldn't have said that" Frodo sighed as he watched Trinity stop and turn on her heel, heading back to the group.

"How do I know that?" Trinity asked squinting down at the small hobbits. "How do I know you didn't sneak in my room while I was asleep and eat all my popcorn?"

"Popcorn?" Pippin asked with a genuine confused expression.

"Hmm, so you don't know what popcorn is ey? Well, if you don't know what it is, would the rest of middle earth know?" Trinity mumbled as she walked away from the hobbits. "You Hobnobbits are lucky, next time, body pieces will roll!" she yelled as she disappeared around the corner.

"Body pieces?" Frodo asked with a worrying look upon his face as Pippin smiled happily back at him.

"I thought it was meant to be heads…Oh" Pippin's smile faded and he looked worryingly down the hallway. "Maybe we should keep out of her way"

"I think so" Frodo replied as they turned and quietly made their way to their rooms, avoiding the peculiar and frightening human.

* * *

Jasmine smiled to her self as she made her way into the courtyard and walked over to the fountain and sat on the edge. She munched happily away on her small bowel of popcorn as she watched the elves go by doing their usual things. She was playing a game where she would make eye contact with someone and then smile at them, if they smiled back she got five points and she got ten if they said "hello" or "good day". So far she was on twenty points. She finished her bowl of popcorn and placed it beside her, looking up in time to see Trinity standing across the courtyard glaring at her. Jasmine stopped moving as she made eye contact with the furious human, the tension in the yard built up so much that no one walked in front of them but stood aside, watching the mental warfare play out in front of them. Five minutes passed and they hadn't moved Jasmine was getting very tense as she knew the reason behind this; Trinity wasn't a very nice person when her things were taken. Sweat started to glisten on her brow as Trinity slowly stepped towards her, never breaking eye contact; she stood slowly and took her own tentative steps towards her best friend. A small group of elves and humans watched the confrontation with interest, not much was known about these two girls and anything to do with them was very interesting in the eyes of the Middle Earthlings. The girls were now within inches of one another, Trinity looked at Jasmine with her head cocked to the left and Jasmine wore a worried dumb grin.

"I come in peace" Jasmine said nervously searching her best friend's eyes for any emotion but Trinity showed none.

"Would you like to go in pieces?" Trinity asked looking into Jasmine's eyes. She was secretly shocked at what she saw; Jasmine had never been good at hiding her emotions so Trinity could always see what she was feeling, but now something was different. Even though Jasmine's body language was obvious, behind her eyes there was a wall that was hiding her emotions, something was very different.

"Err no" Jasmine said as Trinity gaze hardened.

"Did you eat my popcorn?" She asked as Jasmine shifted nervously but still holding eye contact.

"Yes" Jasmine said nervously "But I made more, all kinds and I taught Coodlebreaches how to make it too so now there will be heaps so you don't need to worry about that small amount that you kept hidden in you sock draw in that small hidden compartment" She said quickly with a genuine smile.

"Really?" Trinity said looking at her best friend as her mouth twitched. The elves nearby watched in anticipation. Trinity raised her arm and the elves held their breath, waiting for her to strike but were sadly disappointed when she grabbed her friends shoulder. "OK, as long as theirs more I'll let it slip, just remember, I can kick ya arse and I will if you pull a stunt like that again" she laughed still holding the eye contact. They continued to laugh but soon it dwindled out and they just stood there smiling.

"I'm not breaking" Trinity said with an evil smirk.

"Neither am I" Jasmine said mirroring her smirk. About ten minutes later Jasmine's right eye started to twitch. "Oh no" She said as her face started to screw up causing Trinity to start laughing, and finally Jasmine blinked causing Trinity to scream in joy and jump up and down doing her happy dance. (This consists of three pelvic thrusts and the throwing her hands in the air while twirling around)

"No fair! My face caved in! I want a rematch!" Jasmine yelled as she watched her friend go all crazy.

"Nuh-uh I won, fair and square! Now if you don't mind I must finish my happy dance… coughs Ahem… If there's a jellyfish on your head, stamp your feet, if there's a jellyfish on your head stamp your feet, if there's a jellyfish on your head, and you really want it dead, if there's a jellyfish on your head stamp your feet. Thankyou, thankyou! Ahh I feel better" Trinity laughed as she jumped up on the fountain and twirled around.

Jasmine seeing the perfect opportunity lunged and caught Trinity around the feet. The one thing about Jasmine is that she usually doesn't think ahead, and this is a wonderful example, as she too went flying into the fountain. After the initial shock of being thrown into the fountain, Trinity started to dunk Jasmine under the water, this continued until a shadow fell across them.

"What are you doing?" Filda sneered. She was dressed for archery (Blue tunic and quiver) and was surrounded by her ever present posse of elf maidens.

"We are having a bath, Brune Hilda, you should try it some time" Jasmine said flicking water in their direction, unfortunately she jumped nimbly out of the way and glared at a smiling Jasmine who was trying vainly to backstroke across the fountain.

"You look unhappy. I like that." Trinity laughed as Filda huffed.

"I suppose you are recovered then?" Filda asked as Trinity nodded "Good, then we can finally settle this, Tomorrow morning, no excuses"

"Fine, your place or mine?" Trinity laughed as Filda glared at her.

"Hey, do you suppose the wind changed when you were born?" Jasmine asked innocently as Trinity turned to her.

"Why, what ever do you mean?" Trinity said in a fake voice.

"Well, I only ever see that face when there is a screaming red-faced, snotty nosed baby around" Jasmine said also in the forced voice.

"By Gads your right, I knew I'd seen that face before!" Trinity exclaimed slapping the water in teasing way.

"What are you talking about you strange beings?" Filda said irritated by the conversation.

"Nuthin, baby butt, you better just bring it" Trinity said as Filda's expression turned to confusion.

"Bring what?" She asked

"Why IT of course!" Trinity said.

"What is IT?" Filda asked again looking between the two smiling girls.

"My gobbleness, she does not know what IT is!" Trinity said over acting her shocked expression.

"So that means she will not be bringing IT" Jasmine said as she covered her mouth to hide her laughter but also to look shocked.

"Oh No, it's already been brought-en." Filda said turning around and stalking off, proud of her little come back.

"NICE ONE PRICILLA" Trinity and Jasmine hollered after her before collapsing in the fountain. After a small water fight the girls noticed Merry and Sam walking through the courtyard. Jasmine pulled Trinity down so that they could be barely seen.

"What are we doing?" Trinity asked though it sounded more like "Wub arge weep doobing?" due to the water going in her mouth each time she opened it. Jasmine explained quickly causing Trinity to squeal quietly. They prepared themselves as Sam and Merry walked past the fountain. Suddenly, without warning, Jasmine and Trinity erupted from the fountain and grabbed the two screaming hobbits and dragged them into the fountain. The girls fell back laughing so hard they almost chocked on the water, the hobbits on the other hand were sitting with shocked expressions, their usually curly hair, now plastered to their heads which were just above the water.

"Why did you do that?" Sam asked with a hurt/angered/shocked expression etched onto his chubby features.

"Dunno, yous were there and we were here and I dunno, just couldn't control ourselves. Now will you join our underwater army?" Jasmine said leaning towards the two hobbits.

"We are trying to defeat the radioactive sheep" Trinity said looking around as though she was looking out for anyone who would be listening.

"Um…err…we would love too but, you see, we…us…umm" Merry said avoiding looking at Jasmine as Sam finished his sentence.

"Lunch is ready" he said causing the girls heads to snap up.

"Food?" Trinity asked.

"Lunch?" Jasmine asked.

"Yes, we were on our way there when you…err surprised us" Merry said standing up and wading his way over to the side of the fountain.

"Oh, why didn't you say so" Jasmine said standing up and picking Merry up and putting him on the ground.

"We did" Sam said as Trinity picked him up and helped him out of the fountain.

"So you did" Trinity said as they made their way across the courtyard to the palace. "Hey Jasmeena, your shirt has gone see through!"

"So it has, would you look at that" Jasmine said as they entered the large doors only to bump into Celboril.

"DO NOT come in here like that. Stay here I will get you some towels" He said disappearing into a side room and then reappearing with four towels. "Dare I ask?" he said watching as they dried their clothes enough so they could enter.

"Best if you don't" Trinity said as she finished drying. A few seconds later the rest finished drying and they all hurried to their rooms to change.

Half an hour later Trinity banged on Jasmine's door "DUDE ARE YOU READY YET?" she hollered as a muffled "Yes hang on" sounded from the other side. Finally after what seemed like forever Jasmine emerged wearing a light blue off the shoulder dress that flared out at the bottom wildly. Trinity was wearing a sleeveless dark green dress that had a high collar (like an Asian top thingy) and two long slits up the sides.

"Ooohhhh Chinese, very nice" Jasmine said as they headed towards the dining room. Upon entering they noted that they were actually the last to arrive, even Aragorn had made an appearance.

"Oh, wow, are we that late that Argonaut has even beaten us here" Jasmine said as Aragorn rolled his eyes at his new nickname.

"We haven't missed the food have we?" Trinity asked looking around worriedly as Elrohir laughed.

"No, we were already here and the food hasn't been served yet. Apparently Celboril has something new to share with us" Elrohir said as the girls sat down, Jasmine next to Legolas and Trelan and Trinity next to Aragorn and Elladan.

"Daniel" Trinity said nodding at Elladan "Argonaut" she said nodding to Aragorn as she sat down.

"Truffle" Aragorn said as Trinity laughed.

"Ahh Touché" Trinity said "I will make you fun yet"

"Oh you think I am not fun" Aragorn said in mock disbelief.

"Oh yes, I feel so sorry for you Newra" Trinity said leaning forward and looking at Arwen who just smiled.

"Don't be, I have come to realise that he is no fun, I have adapted to it" She said with a sly smile as Trinity howled with laughter.

"I'm devastated" Aragorn said clutching his heart in a mock attempt at heartbreak. After a few more taunts and jokes the food was brought out, plates of fruit and bread were served and bowels of popcorn placed in the middle of the table.

"This is a new substance called 'Popcorn', young Miss Jasmine taught me how to make it. It is quite a spectacular taste I assure you, there are four flavours here Caramel, Salt, butterscotch and chocolate but I am well on the way to making more. Please enjoy" Celboril said as he made his way back into the kitchen, no doubt to eat his own batch of popcorn.

"POPCORN!" Trinity squealed as she lunged at the caramel popcorn that had been placed nearby. In a matter of second her plate was covered in all four types of popcorn and she was soon scoffing them down while the others, except for Jasmine who was doing the exact same thing, tasted it slowly before realising that it was indeed wonderful.

"This is wonderful" Arwen exclaimed as she finished some chocolate popcorn. "This is a delicacy in your world?"

"Well you could say that. It's commonly referred to as junk food most of the time though" Jasmine said as she munched on some butterscotch.

"So…when are we moving out troops?" Trinity asked looking around at the occupants who were enthusiastically eating the popcorn.

"We leave in three days" Aragorn said as Trinity made an excited squealing sound.

"Elladan and I will be accompanying you up until the Misty Mountains from there we are to meet up with some rangers" Elrohir said as Elladan nodded in agreement.

"We were to travel with them now, but father wanted us here to attend the council" Elladan said.

"Coolies, more hobgoblins for me" Jasmine blurted causing all to stare at her "What?"

"Hobgoblins?" Trinity asked "Hmm random outbursts, the true sign of a young person losing their mind…neerf…BANANA HAMMOCK!" Now it was Trinity's turn to be giving strange looks.

"What can't a person relieve built up pressure?" Trinity asked innocently.

"As long as it's coming out of your mouth" said Jasmine sending the two girls into a frenzy of laughter.

* * *

Dun-e-doo…hey did you know that Dunedoo is an actual place! It's in the NSW Australian outback…I drive through there on the way to my holiday house, I own an opal mine! 

"No you don't" Elladan said, sitting on a cushion around the small coffee table where he, Legolas, Elrohir and Jack were playing poker.

"How would you know, if you haven't noticed there's a lot about me that you don't know!"

"She's got ye there" Jack said as he laid down his winning hand.

"You cheated" Legolas said as Jack beamed a sly smile.

"Pirate!" With that Legolas lunges over the table, knocking it over in the process, and tries to strangle Jack.

"HEY, HEY, HEY Stop it!" They don't stop "Right, that's it I was going to give you guys something good to drink but now…well it looks like only Elladan and Elrohir are going to get it" The fighting stops instantly and Legolas and Jack sit there smiling innocently with their arms across each others shoulders.

"Ok, good" Disappears to find wine bottles "I know I'm gonna regret this, but they were more interesting drunk!"

Deposits the wine among them

"Ye don't happen to have a…" Hands him a rum bottle "Aw ye too good for us"

"I know" walks off "this should get interesting"


	11. i can see the badger

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkin did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movie) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**Some lions mate over 50 times a day. **

**I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues**

_"What can't a person relieve built up pressure?" Trinity asked innocently._

_"As long as it's coming out of your mouth" said Jasmine sending the two girls into a frenzy of laughter.

* * *

_

Trinity was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching as Jiltrëf finished altering her light green tunic. She was adding many little secret pockets for Trinity to conceal her throwing knives and other little secrets.

"There you go Miss, thirty secret pockets" Jiltrëf said as Trinity looked it over.

"Oooeerr, this is sooo cool, thanks a bundle Jacaranda" She said as she slipped behind a changing curtain and got…well…changed.

"So you're really going to challenge Filda" Jiltrëf said waiting patiently fro Trinity to finish changing to see if it needed to be altered anymore.

"Yep and I'm gonna kick her arse too!" Trinity said stepping out from behind the curtain. "It fits great"

"Yes it looks very good" Jiltrëf said nodding in approval before cleaning up her sowing gear while Trinity arranged her weapons.

"Can you see them?" Trinity asked as Jiltrëf shook her head. "Good…well looks like I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm re-re-re-re-ready!" she chanted bouncing up and down on the spot.

"Indeed you are" Jiltrëf laughed as they made their way out of her room and down the hallway.

"Will you be watching?" Trinity asked as they reached the doorway to the courtyard.

"Yes, where is it?" Jiltrëf asked

"I dunno, are there any training fields or something, hey remember, I don't live here" Trinity laughed as they stood in the courtyard.

"Yes, just behind that line of trees there is a field where the warriors train" Jiltrëf said pointing to the large trees that shadowed half the yard from the rising sun.

"Uh huh, training fields" Trinity said as Jasmine followed by Trelan and Raniean came jogging over. Jasmine stopped within inches of Trinity and saluted.

"Captain, my captain" She chanted as Trinity answered with her own salute.

"At ease my wobbly gooky friend and her two blonde headed followers" Trinity said acknowledging the two elves standing by Jiltrëf "I trust you have come to watch my fight scene" The elves were startled by her words and just nodded in their slightly confused state. "Good then! Let us be off" She said as she started to jog towards the training fields.

Upon arrival she saw a large group of elves, humans, dwarves and hobbits all milling around the edges of the field, no doubt all eager to see the fight between the human and the elf maidens. Filda was no where to be seen though, this didn't worry Trinity in the slightest as she was too busy scoping out her surroundings. There where two horses tied to a railing on one side, one looked calm and collected and the other was tugging harshly at the rope and trying to kick out at nearby people. Down one end of the field there were five archery targets and up the other end there was a little shelter where the archery gear was stored. There were four paths leading out of the field, two were paved and lead back into the village but two were dirt and lead into the woodland that surrounded Rivendell. Trinity stopped looking around and felt many people looking at her, she looked up and found that most of the occupants were watching her, she gave them all a heartfelt wave, and even though less than half responded, she didn't care, she turned to Jasmine.

"Small sparring session?" she asked as Jasmine nodded.

They moved over to the centre right of the field and started to spar, just slowly to warm up. Trinity would pull her punches before they landed and so would Jasmine although a little kick in the butt happened here or there. After a slow round of sparring they started to get faster and faster, but not so fast that they would give a good idea of how fast they could move there had to remain some secrecy about them. A few minutes later, they finished and Trinity stretched down, letting her muscles stretch so she could gain their full potential, she had a feeling she might need it.

"So what is gonna be in this contest?" Jasmine asked as Trinity stretched.

"Dunno, I let the beast pick" Trinity said as she jumped up and down shaking her arms and legs.

"Do you think that was smart?" Jasmine asked as Trinity stopped and grabbed her shoulders.

"What, don't you think I can win?"

"I never said that" Jasmine countered as Trinity lightly slapped her cheeks "Hey!"

"Look, you know very well I can do this, so don't worry. Just go and sit with your boyfriend and enjoy the show" Trinity said as she walked into the middle of the field to await Filda.

"He's not my boyfriend" Jasmine yelled after her. Trinity merely made a rude gesture behind her back at her friend. "I'll cut that off!"

"I'd like to see you try" Trinity yelled as she looked back at Jasmine who also made the gesture before rejoining Trelan, Raniean and Jiltrëf. Trinity sighed and looked around, many people were looking at her now and they were all awaiting the arrival of Filda. And then, like a wolf, she appeared from one of the dirt tracks. '_Odd' _Trinity thought '_Best be careful on those tracks then'_. She forced a smile as Filda sidled up to her.

"Well looks like you showed up" Filda sneered.

"You're observant" Trinity said calmly and Filda walked around her. The she-elf was easily taller than Trinity, around about six foot, so she looked down at the human with an icy glare.

"So, did you bring it?" Trinity asked, she noticed a vain appear just above Filda's nose and in between her eyebrows.

"Yes I did" Filda said, pretending she knew what she was talking about.

"Oh, Really?" Trinity asked in mock enthusiasm "Where is it?"

Filda looked as though she had sucked a lemon and it took all of Trinity's concentration not to laugh. "Let get this over with, you are boring me"

"Ahh so we do have something in common, because YOU are boring ME too!" Trinity said as she followed Filda over to the two horses.

"The first contest will be horse riding…" Filda announced to the crowd.

"HUZZAH" Jasmine and Trinity hollered causing strange looks to be thrown their ways but they were used to it by now.

"There is a trail that leads through the forest and then back here. It is easy to follow and there are three markers on the trail, once you get them you come back here, though since you are a human it may be harder for you. It is quite simple first one back with the markers wins, do you think you can handle that?" Filda sneered.

"Oh no it is quite to hard and I will be all alone on that big ole' scary trail…"She said in an old female western voice "…offcourse that's fine, I used to do all that kind of stuff in my pony club when I was five."

"What ever you say" Filda said in a bored tone as she untied the horses.

"You know, if I had a face like yours, I'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality!" Trinity said as she took her horse off Filda and moved into the centre of the field. "What's his name?" she asked a near by elf, not trusting Filda a bit.

"His name is Amarth, it means doom. You are very unlucky Milady; he is one of the wildest horses we have had here in centuries" He said as he held the jittery chestnut gelding still so she could mount.

"Figures" Trinity mumbled as she sat softly on the horses back, there was no saddle, which usually wasn't a problem…on her own horse, and after being told about this horse…well lets just say things are going to get interesting.

"Be careful miss, I don't trust Miss Filda much and no doubt she has done something to ruin your chances" The older elf said, well actually he just sounded old, he only looked about thirty, at the most.

"Thanks" Trinity said patting the horse softly on his neck.

"Good luck" He said before walking off.

"Thanks" She said as Amarth shifted quickly underneath her, shying away from a leaf. "Great" Trinity said trying to calm the horse. She was a good horse rider, and she has had her share of troubled horses but not troubled horses from other worlds.

"Are you ready?" Filda said trotting over on her appaloosa mare that was quite well behaved. Amarth lashed out at Filda, nipping her calf. She hollered in pain causing him to shy again.

"Hey I think I could get to like you Amarth" Trinity laughed as he tossed his head in the air and rolled his eyes looking as the whimpering elf. "Get over it. Are you ready…now?"

Filda sneered and nodded to the elf near the path holding a flag.

"Lets see if this works" Trinity said under her breath as she gripped Amarth with her thighs, lifting ever so slightly and leaning forward, watching in anticipation, she heard a raised voice behind her but all her concentration was on the flag. 3…2…1 and the flag dropped, Trinity dug her heels into the sides of Amarth and he leapt out in a fury of speed. Over taking Filda in a second, but she was catching up and was right on their arse as they entered the path, it was a wide path to start off but Trinity could see that it got narrower up a head.

"Noro Lim Amarth Noro Lim" Trinity said with a smile, she had always wanted to say that, but the horses at home never responded to it they just looked at her strangely then stopped but he did listen and soon a large gap was between her and Filda in a matter of seconds. She risked a glance back at her opponent and saw that she was saying something under her breath with a smile. _'Not good'_ Trinity thought looking back in front. She looked up in time to see a small scarf hanging from a tree branch '_The first marker' _she thought as she reached up, yanking it, and half the branch, off and stuffing it in her pocket, she heard Filda curse but she was having too much fun to notice.

* * *

"Who gave her Amarth?" Hollered Elladan they had just witnessed the start of the race and noticed, too late, who Trinity was riding.

"What's wrong?" Jasmine asked the elvan princes were furious and it was quite frightening.

"Amarth, the horse Trinity was riding, is the wildest horse we've seen in centuries, we were sending him to Rohan to see if they could help." Elrohir said in a more calmed tone, he had always been calmer than his brother, he was the younger twin by a few seconds which made Elladan the older twin, duh, and because of this he usually took things more seriously. Although this was a serious matter.

"Oh is that all" Jasmine said as if she was bored, the elves looked at her incredulously.

"Don't you care about your friends well being?" Legolas asked as Jasmine smiled.

"I've seen her do things you wouldn't believe"

* * *

_'This is great' _Trinity thought as she powered through the forest. She had lost Filda a while ago and she was on her way to the second marker but even though everything looked good, something didn't feel right. She knew she was riding a crazy horse and it was like sitting on a ticking time bomb. As though on cue, the bushes that were approaching very quickly rustled and a figure in dark green almost black erupted from the bushes, darting across the path and frightening the shit out of the horse. Amarth slid to a stop and did a wild buck, throwing Trinity into a tree down the path, without a second thought Amarth turned and bolted back down the path possibly heading back to the field. Trinity lay dazed on the ground, trying to gain her bearings as the figure, which had spooked them, bent over her. After checking that she wasn't dean they reached into her pocket and took the first marker from her pocket. She tried to move to stop them but her body wasn't responding, a second later they disappeared. A few minutes later, Trinity was able to stand and after checking that nothing was broken she made her way back to the path to see if maybe Amarth was there. She knew he wouldn't be there so she wasn't really expecting to be nuzzled by a soft muzzle. She opened her hazy eyes and saw a black and brown pinto (think of an Indian's horse in a western movie just without the white) horse standing in front of her. His big brown eyes looking at her softly and his untameable mane fell across his solid neck in a wavy tangled pattern.

"Hello boy, where did you come from?" she slurred patting him softly as he pushed her softly with his nose again. "Hey, hey, careful, I just had a car accident. You're a cutie" She said running a hand along his leg and pinching his nerve, making him lift his hoof up. "You're not shod, are you wild? No you couldn't be, your too sweet to be wild, besides what would a wild horse be doing out here. They are usually in Rohan, isn't that where the horse dudes are?" The horse nickered softly in answer. "Wanna walk with me, I won't try riding you because I don't know if you'll bear a rider" She said as she started walking down the path, unknowingly walking further into the woods instead of back to the fields. The horse trotted up to her and walked next to her.

"You don't have a name do you? Hmm let's make one up, how about Bob?" The horse bumped her with his nose in an obvious answer. "No? Ok how about Murray? No, Silvester? No, Tiny? Well you're not really tiny are you but it could still work…umm…oh if I knew elvish it would be so much easier, when we get back we'll see what we can do, but for now how about Fernando? Scotty? Indy?" The horse nickered softly in reply "Oh so you like Indy huh? Ok you shall be Indy, it's a good name because there are these movies back where I come from about cowboys and Indians and the Indians rode horses that look a lot like you…" Trinity continued her small talk with the newly named Indy as the continued to travel in the big circle that was the race path. A few minutes later she was riding swiftly through the forest having gained the possibly temporary trust of Indy.

* * *

The audience waited eagerly for one of the maidens to return, it had been half an hour since they left and anticipation to see how the human would fare with a wild horse was almost unbearable. The elves heard the galloping hooves before anyone else and soon all eyes were watching the paths but it was confusing because the sounds were not coming from the second path but from the first. Suddenly in a fluffy of movement Amarth exploded from the path. A gasp sounded from the audience as they saw the riderless horse rearing and bucking widely in the middle of the field.

"Uh oh" Jasmine said as they watched some elves try and calm the frightened horse. "Someone's gonna be pissed" Suddenly more galloping hooves were heard, but this time on the second path. Moments later Filda came thundering up the path, clasping three silk scarves in her talon like fingers. A cheer rose up although many were still wondering what happened to Trinity.

"Hmm, does that mean she won?" Jasmine asked as the Twins advanced upon the gloating elf-maiden.

"Yes, I suppose it does" Legolas sighed as he watched the twins asking where Trinity was.

"I don't know, one second she was there and then she disappeared, her horse almost ran me down I had to take an alternative path to avoid him. I assume she didn't come back then." Filda said, hiding the glee in her voice well.

"No she did not return" Elladan said through gritted teeth.

"I assumed she was a good rider, she made out as though she was. You surly are not holding me responsible for her losing are you your highness?" Filda asked batting her stubby eyelashes at him.

"It was wrong on you to assign Amarth to her. Not even the top riders of Rivendell can hold him. Even so you did arrive back first and with all of the markers…" Elrohir said, disappointed he had to award her the winner. "I, Elrohir son of Elrond declare Filda daughter of Goroth winner of the first round" cheers arose but stopped suddenly as a soft clopping noise arose. Everyone looked to the path to find Trinity come trotting through on Indy.

"Trinity?" Elladan and Elrohir asked at the same time as she smiled.

"Am I late?" She asked dismounting from Indy and walking over to them, Indy following her.

"What happened? Where did he come from?" they asked again at the same time.

"Dunno and dunno, he found me after crazy horse threw me into tree. It Seems Amarth doesn't like mysterious figures bolting out in front of him from the bushes." Trinity said throwing an evil glance at Filda, who just ignored it and dismounted from her horse unfortunately for her, she dismounted right in front of Indy who swiftly nipped her butt causing her to yelp in pain.

"Your horse bit me in the butt" She said pointing at Trinity who smiled innocently.

"Is that so ey? Well your creepy friends caused my other horse to throw me into a tree, get almost knocked unconscious, have my marker stolen, wake up with a pretty bad cut across my arm, which has actually healed quite quickly, so I'm happy about that." Trinity said as Filda huffed.

"You can't prove I did that" Filda huffed.

"No but I can kick ya butt in every other round and then give you the worst haircut imaginable" Trinity said with an innocent smile.

"I really doubt…" Filda started but Trinity held her hand up.

"Look, Could you just not breathe? I just wanna get this over and done with" Trinity said leaving Filda speechless and the twins amused behind.

"Ok the next round shall begin in ten minutes" Elladan announced.

* * *

Ten minutes later because I couldn't think of anything to write here and I wanna finish the story

* * *

"This is the Hand-on-hand combat round" Elrohir announced standing between the two fighters. "Begin when I say" he said before heading back to his position at the top of the field next to the archery shed. They stood the maintaining eye contact for what seemed like years but really it was only three seconds. Elrohir was about to yell out to begin when Jasmine stopped him.

"May I?" She asked he just shrugged and nodded. "Yay I've always wanted to say this…ahem cough …FIGHT"

In what seemed like a blur of movements the two girls launched into their second round. This was what everyone had really come to see, a brute strength and agility test. Who would be the better? Trinity moved to the left, Filda to the right, eluding each others shots, Trinity on the defensive and Filda on the offensive. Whenever Filda threw a shot, Trinity would bounce the throw off with a flick of the wrist.

"They are equally matched" Raniean said in awe "Never before have I seen a human move like that" Jasmine just smiled.

"No Filda is superior; Trinity is not even throwing a punch" Jiltrëf said downheartedly.

"No Trinity is on the defensive, she is letting Filda wear herself out. She's even smiling about it" Legolas said pointing to the smiling features that Trinity wore.

"This seems all too familiar" Jasmine smiled as the elves looked at her confused by her words but she said no more.

Filda started to get tricky now, she was throwing leg movements into the equation and trying to catch Trinity off guard, but Trinity decided to turn the tables, striking out herself and catching the elf off guard, a rare thing to do. Stumbling back, Filda clutched her cheek.

"You know no one likes you" She said trying to use mental warfare.

"No your wrong everybody loves me, and I intend to keep that way." Trinity laughed sidestepping a punch and throwing three of her own, but Filda dodged them nimbly. Filda back stepped quickly putting distance between them, Trinity charged and played right into her little trap, just before Trinity reached her she jumped up and over landing behind the human catching her in a headlock.

"What I wouldn't give to rip your head off this instant" Filda sneered in her ear.

"That's kinda morbid for an elf don'tchya think?" Trinity said as she slipped her right leg between Filda's and knocking Filda's right leg forward toppling them to the ground. Trinity pulled out of her clutches and stood back up only to be knocked down by Filda sweeping her legs out from beneath her. They rolled around on the ground for a moment before Filda pinned Trinity, her evil eyes boring into Trinity's. They all though it was over but before they could applaud Trinity grabbed Filda's arms and pushed up with her legs throwing Filda over her head and onto the ground behind her, then in a quick motion she flung herself backwards and landed exactly as Filda had when she was pinning her before. But before anything else could happen, Filda spat into Trinity's eye causing her to stand up and back away, wiping at her face.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew" Trinity cried as she was momentarily blinded. "That's just gross" Her momentarily blindness was all Filda needed and she stood up and struck out again, catching Trinity in the stomach, as she doubled over Filda clasped her hands and brought them down on Trinity's exposed back, knocking her to the ground. Trinity lay gasping on the ground while Filda kicked her in the stomach over and over again but on the third time Trinity grabbed Filda's foot and rolled over, pulling the deranged she elf to the ground once more, her head connected with a thud, causing many to grimace at the sound. Trinity rolled away and stood up, catching her breath as Filda stood up, still dazed from hitting her head on the ground.

Filda was now in a rage, she was NOT going to be bested by a human. She rushed at Trinity like a raging bull, her nostrils flaring and her eyes were fiery and wild. Trinity notice the change in the elf, as did all others present, and decided to play on this. Every time Filda lashed out Trinity would dance nimbly away, humming under her breath causing Filda to become even more determined to destroy the girl. Finally after what seemed to be hours of this little dance Filda seemed to stop and close her eyes and take a deep breath, she was trying to calm herself but it was too late, Trinity struck and swept out Filda's legs out from underneath her. She fell heavily, her energy had been eaten up by her rage, as she tried to get up Trinity pushed her back down and held her down by the throat with her foot.

"Yield?" Trinity asked looking down at the elf beneath her. After a shaky breath Filda looked up at the now towering girl.

"Never" She hissed as Trinity put more pressure on her throat.

"Really" Trinity said as Elladan's voice ran across the field.

"This is finished, Trinity is the winner"

Trinity let go of Filda and bounced around, chanting 'I won', she even managed a few cartwheels here or there.

"The next round will begin in twenty minutes" Elladan announced as a ripple of chatter sounded throughout the crowd, an elf was bested by a human.

* * *

Twenty gobbles later and a pig named fred eating red peppers

* * *

"Of all the things it had to be" Trinity murmured as she watched the elf maiden swing her sword around. The next round was sword fighting, something Trinity was not good at, and she realised it, and now that the possessed elf maiden had regain her strength she knew this was gonna be a quick round.

"Ready?" Elrohir asked as they both nodded. "Alright, begin"

The two opponents sized each other up for the third time that day. The kept their eyes on each other's movements, Filda swinging her sword around trying to look cool…trying and Trinity holding her sword in the usual position as they did a complete circle. Filda gave a wicked smile.

"You know, you may have gotten the advantage in that last round…"

"Advantage my arse, I kicked your butt" Trinity said, amazed at the way the elf was looking at things.

"Say whatever you will, but by the end of this, I will have the power." She gave an evil chuckle.

"Fine Chucky, say whatever you want to make yourself feel good" Trinity said growing extremely bored with the elf's ego. "On guard…BITCH!"

Trinity knew she shouldn't have as soon as she did but she launched herself straight into the offensive mode. Unfortunately Filda was good, very good; she blocked every blow with perfect accuracy. As Trinity sliced left she was there, when she lunged right she would jump nimbly out of the way and knock the sword away. Trinity upped the pace, making her blows faster and faster in an attempt to get an advantage, but she sucked at wielding a sword. Jasmine had always been the better swordswomen, she had actually trained for it, Trinity traded the sword for her throwing knives and they were her strongest point. Trinity swung low in an attempt to hit Filda's side, but she blocked it again, but this time her arms were the wrong place and she was twisted around Trinity pushed down with more pressure and then slices at her head but Filda had ducked seconds before the blade slice cleanly through the air. Now that she was on the ground Filda lashed out at Trinity's legs, going into the offensive position, but Trinity has jumped cleanly over the top of Filda and was now standing behind the elf as she spun around and lashed out, clean and fast.

"I would so like to hurt you right now." Filda hissed as she sliced the front of Trinity's tunic, just above her belly button.

"As long as you smile." Trinity said with a beaming smile as she pushed Filda back and spinning around in a flurry of movements. Filda scowled and threw her own actions into the fight. They lashed out at each other forcing one another to defend, when Filda lashed out further and caught Trinity on the for head as she tried to get out of the way. Trinity stumbled back and felt the long gash above her left eye; it was going to start bleeding any moment.

"Oh you little BITCH TROLL FROM HELL." Trinity roared as she lashed out, not in fury as Filda would have liked, but in strategic movements and simple techniques all in one. Trinity could feel the blood on her head starting to trickle out of her wound, any moment now it would start to gush out as head wounds usually did. She tried to get at Filda but she was starting to now lose vision in her left eye due to the amount of blood, she tried to blink it away but there was too much. '_Great now I have a bind side'_ Trinity thought but Filda must have thought the same thing because that's the side she started to attack, and after less then a minute Filda has her sword digging into the side of Trinity's neck.

"ENOUGH!" Elrohir hollered causing Filda to back off as Trinity wiped at her eye in a vain attempt to see. "Filda is the winner"

Trinity sighed as Jasmine and someone else, who was on her blind side, led her away.

"I hate head wounds" Trinity said as Jasmine patted her back.

"Yeah and they seem to be your speciality don't they" she laughed. "Lets get this cleaned up, the next contest is targets"

"Targets?" Trinity asked as she was sat down in a seat and Elladan started to clean her head wound.

"Yep Beelzebub is using a Bow and Arrow, you my dear, can use your knives!" Jasmine said as Trinity let out a 'whoop' in joy only to be scolded by Elladan.

"Sit still or you will be unable to compete any more and I will declare Filda the over all winner" he said as he rubbed an ointment over the wound and places some temporary bandages across the wound.

"You wouldn't" Trinity said.

"Oh I would"

"You'd go to he…" Trinity started but was interrupted by Elrohir.

"The next round is about to begin"

"OHHH Yay, I can use my new knives" Trinity said as she bounced over to where Filda was standing.

"You are going to throw a knife fifty metres?" Filda sneered (does she do anything else…NO)

"Well your alive so anything's possible I guess" Trinity chimed as she awaited the signal.

"This shall be quick and simple. You get for shots, closest to the bullseye wins" Elladan said standing in front of the two. "Filda on Arrows, Trinity on knives. Since Filda won the last round she shall go first. You will fire four arrows at the target as fast as possible, and then Trinity will go and do the same. You may begin…now" He said once he had moved out of the way.

Trinity didn't even see her shoot, her elvan movements were fast and smooth although not quite accurate, and only two of the four hit the bullseye.

"Beat that, human" Filda snapped putting her bow down and watching the human who was judging the targets.

"OK" she said paying absolutely no attention to the huffing noises coming from her direction.

"Trinity…begin" Elladan said dropping his arm to signal the beginning.

Trinity didn't even look like she had knives on her but in a smooth movement she produced two knives from up her sleeves and threw them with great speed and precision that they landed directly in the bullseye. A gasp was heard from the crowd as she produced two more knives also from up her sleeves and threw them with pin point accuracy; these landed either side of the two already in the bullseye.

"Hmm it was alright, I could have done better." Trinity said as Legolas came jogging back from the bullseyes.

"Filda had two bullseyes, Trinity had four" He said as the crowd cheered and gasped in amazement.

"Trinity is the winner" Elladan announced. He waited till the crowd calmed down until he continued to finish speaking. "Due to the tie these two competitors are in, there will be a decider. Any weapon may be used and this will take place after lunch."

The field emptied out until the only one left was Filda who was fuming in anger. She stormed off towards down the woodland path so far that she was actually lost. She felt a peculiar presence and she realised she must have walked out of Rivendell completely. But she still couldn't shake the presence, she spun around looking for its source and upon finding nothing, she used her elvish senses to search it out. She travelled a little further and came across a little cave. She looked inside and saw a dull light, not a fire light but a white one. Suddenly a voice spoke to her.

"The human has humiliated you in your own home, hasn't she?" the calm comforting voice said.

"Who are you?" Filda asked as she stepped closer.

"I am a friend. I want to help you."

"How?" she asked stepping closer.

"Walk into the light and I will show you how I can make your life better" The voice said coaxing her into the light. Suddenly a blinding light flashed and the cave was empty. Filda no where to be seen.

* * *

A quite large crowd had gathered to see the decider between the two, but so far only one had shown up, and it had been over half an hour since they had called for the elvan maiden.

"Maybe she realise how great I am and decided to give up" Trinity said as she lay on the grass next to Jasmine.

"Maybe" she said watching as one of the twins walked over.

"Greetings B1 or B2" Trinity said as she looked up at him.

"It is Elladan"

"Ahh, that's nice." She said with a smile.

"It seems Filda has not arrived, nor is she anywhere else" he said squatting down next to them.

"And the problem is?" Jasmine asked as she tried to push him over, but he ended up pushing her over instead.

"The problem is one of the inhabitants of Rivendell is missing. Even Ada cannot feel her presence." He said looking worried.

"Can he feel an evil presence?" Trinity asked innocently as his head shot up.

"What?"

"An evil presence, that might be her and besides that it was a joke" Trinity said "Why?"

"Because Ada did feel an evil presence about two hours ago, just on the boarders of Rivendell"

"Ooohhhh" They said uninterested.

"Does that mean I win?" Trinity asked propping herself up on her elbows.

"If she doesn't show up in another hour, yes, but that also means a search party must be assembled. Do you want to be part of it?" he asked standing back up. The girls shook their heads but smiled.

"If we found her in a ditch…" Trinity started.

"We might just leave her there" Jasmine said as they started to laugh insanely scaring Elladan off.

Needless to say Filda didn't return and Trinity was declared winner, the search party found nothing except for her tracks leading to an old cave and nothing more. There was a funeral and all these mourning things for her, and her family had dinner with the king…or something like that to show that she would be missed. Trinity and Jasmine meanwhile had a little party of their own. The song that was sung that night…  
"Ding done the witch is GONE"

* * *

Look at THAT about 6,068 god damn words! 8 pages (or 12 which ever way you look at it) I hope that fixes the no update problem? Am I a good girl? 

"NO" A chorus sounds behind her…a DRUNKEN chorus.

I am so, you just keep drinking, and I have to tell my readers something that could be considered sad.

"What is it?"

"Are ye dying?"

"Or are you already dead?"

No none of the above…BUT I may not update for a long time…I'm talking long, and if I do update it might be short, but anyway this is because I have the biggest school exams of my life coming up and even though a little pressure has been relieved I'm still under major pressure to get a good UAI (University application doo-higgy) so anyway in conclusion. Very big exams + huge pressure less updates!

But this should be alright until then right! Anyway toodle-OO until our next meeting!

Namarie


	12. I LOVE YOU DEAN!

**Disclaimer – (**Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves and Jack and Drake also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movies) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**Butterflies taste with their feet. **

**(Something I always wanted to know.)**

**

* * *

**

**Real Identity Issues**

**

* * *

**

_Needless to say Filda didn't return and Trinity was declared winner, the search party found nothing except for her tracks leading to an old cave and nothing more. There was a funeral and all these mourning things for her, and her family had dinner with the king…or something like that to show that she would be missed. Trinity and Jasmine meanwhile had a little party of their own. The song that was sung that night…  
"Ding done the witch is GONE"_

_

* * *

_

"Shh quiet, do you wanna get caught?" a soft voice asked.

"No" another answered.

"Well shut up then" the first voice said as a (Thunk) was heard.

"Ow, hit me you did, why I wanna know"

"Cause you are a wanker"

As you've probably realised Trinity and Jasmine were hiding into the gardens…well you didn't know they were in the gardens did you...opps I forgot to mention it…well they are in the gardens! **_ANYWAY_** they weren't really hiding from anyone but then again they didn't really wanna be found.

"Look here it is" Jasmine said holding up a small furry thing in her hand.

"MmmMMMmmm" Trinity said (go on, try and make that noise and see how many weird looks you get!)

"Lets go" Jasmine said as she snuck out of the bush with Trinity hot on her heals. They snuck into the palace and bumped right into Elladan and Trydron.

"Opps" Jasmine said as she stepped back into Trinity.

"OI!" Trinity said giving Jasmine a push.

"Do I **_want_** to know what you're doing with that thing?" Elladan asked indicating to the quiet large furry caterpillar in Jasmine's hand.

"That you don't, confusion you'll have, go we must" Trinity said as she pulled on Jasmine's arm, moving past the confused elves.

"Did you understand a word she said?" Elladan asked turning to Trydron.

"No" He said with a smile as they headed towards the door, but Elladan stopped.

"I think they are up to something" he said but Trydron shook his head.

"They probably are but we were supposed to be at the training yard five minutes ago" Trydron said.

"Hmm you are right. But something **_is_ **going on" Elladan said taking one last look down the hallway before disappearing out the door.

* * *

"Close that was" Trinity sighed as she watched the two elves leave.

"I know…why the hell are you talking like that?" Jasmine asked as they continued down the hallway.

"Yoda day it is!" Trinity said with a smile.

"Right, ok you get this ready and I will distract them, ok?" Jasmine said handing the HUGE caterpillar to Trinity.

"OK" She chirped and moved off as Jasmine headed towards Lord Elrond and Gandalf.

"By the Valar! The mud puddle ate Glorfindel!" she said faking breathlessness.

"WHAT?" Elrond said standing up from his chair and walking over to her and taking her by the shoulders.

"No time, the mud…evil…turkeys…GLORFINDEL he was sucked by the mud…the turkeys led him there!" She said pulling him towards the door and out of his office chamber. Gandalf followed.

"Where? What?" Gandalf asked as they started moving towards the doors.

"Near the training fields, quick!" Jasmine said as she pushed them out the doors and watched them head towards the fields, looking around in confusion. She headed back to the office to find Trinity standing there.

"Done?" she asked. Trinity nodded and sighed.

"Sink elves don't, stupid you are!"

"Shut up, they left didn't they" She said as they headed outside.

"Stupid too, they are" Trinity laughed as she watched a confused Elrond and bamboozled Gandalf walk towards them.

"What happened to Glorfindel?" Elrond asked raising a suspicious eyebrow at Jasmine.

"I said he _eta__ seert elihw htiw eseehc ni eht tserof fo dnilb syeknom _(read the words backwards)" Jasmine said

"Sorry, broken she gets, fix I will" Trinity smiled as she hit Jasmine on the back of the head.

"…and that's what I told you" Jasmine said putting her head in her hands "Didn't you find him?"

"Ah no he wasn't around there, I'm quite sure I heard you say a mud puddle ate Glorfindel" Elrond said watching as the girls looked confused.

"No, why would I say that" Jasmine said with a laugh.

"Sink elves don't, crazy you must be!" Trinity said shaking her head and holding back a smile.

"Alright" Elrond said slowly as he started to walk away, but Gandalf looked at the girls sternly.

"I am not so easily convinced" he said regarding them with a final glare before walking away.

"Oh Zippy Giggle-Tush, you worry too much" Jasmine laughed.

"You are both up to something and i will find out what it is!" he said before the disappeared into the palace. The girls looked at each other worriedly.

"What do you think?" Jasmine said, wondering if they would get caught.

"Think I do, elf yoda is" Trinity said seriously as she watched a butterfly land nearby.

"What?" Jasmine asked confused by her friend's statement.

"Pointy ears, they both have. Speak crazily they do" Trinity said as she jumped up and started to chase the butterfly.

"You speak crazy" Jasmine said as she threw a stone at her friend.

"Smell you do" Trinity shot back as she stopped chasing the butterfly and stood with her hands on her hips.

"Ugly you are" Jasmine said standing up and leveling her eyes at Trinity.

"Die you will" Trinity said as she made for her friend, but she stopped inches from her. "Hungry I am food I must eat"

"OK" Jasmine said as they linked arms and skipped towards the kitchen to find much needed grub.

* * *

"Get it out!"

"Trying I am, but-" (grunt) "-stuck it is."

"What do you **_mean_** it's stuck!"

"I mean, unable to remove"

"Well try"

"What have I been doing?"

Glorfindel was walking past the stables when he had overheard some muttering inside and now he was investigating the strange noises.

"You put it in there, you get it out"

"Stop me you should have"

"I tried, remember?"

"No, I remember 'You take it' and 'Go on' remember that I do!"

Glorfindel walked in to find the girls standing at the back of the stables standing around a large pile of manure looking at something that was embedded deeply within it.

"What are you two up to?" he asked watching the girls spin around and plaster their faces with big fake smiles.

"Nothing" Trinity said as Jasmine nodded quickly.

"We were…ah…just…watching the…ummm" Jasmine said struggling with coming up with a story.

"Turkeys" Trinity said as Jasmine looked up and smiled again.

"Yes the turkeys, they were coming through here and had something…"

"Elladan or Elrohir's underpants" Trinity said again as Jasmine shot her a sideways glance.

"Yes, we don't know which ones because we couldn't get a close enough look at them, not that we know what their underpants look like anyway, the turkeys were running quite fast because they were being chased by…"

"Badgers with cheese wheels" Trinity piped with a smile like nothing was wrong.

"Stop helping" Jasmine said out the side of her mouth. "Yes well, they went quite fast and somehow their underpants ended up in the manure"

"Pushed with a stick deep down into it they did"

"Just stop!" Jasmine pleaded.

"Really?" Glorfindel asked raising a perfect eyebrow "Turkeys and badgers did that" he said indicating to the pile of manure covered in underpants.

"Yeah and they even set their boots in the middle of it. I'm afraid they are quite hard to remove. We were trying our best to clean it up." Jasmine said looking around for an escape route.

"Is that so, how are your going to explain this to them?" Glorfindel asked indicating to the doorway where the twins were entering, luckily they hadn't seen them yet.

"Hoping you'd help we were" Trinity said discreetly grabbing Jasmine's attention and pointing to the side door.

"Why are you talking like that?" he asked as Jasmine saw the twins getting closer, luckily they were distracted by an excited horse and had stopped moving in their general direction.

"Look, a badger!" Jasmine said pointing to a small black shape that turned out to be a saddle upon closer inspection.

"No this is an ancient saddle…that…where did they go?" Glorfindel said as he turned to find the girls gone and the twins approaching him with smiles plastered on their faces, he quickly grabbed what underpants he could and tried to hide them before the twins saw too much but it was too late.

"Glorfindel!" Elladan exclaimed as he approached the fidgeting elf lord. "What is wrong?"

"Are they our undergarments?" Elrohir asked pointing to the underpants in Glorfindel's hands.

"Umm it would seem so wouldn't it" Glorfindel said nervously.

"And why don you have them?" Elladan asked as Elrohir looked around him.

"And why is the manure pile covered in them and our boots?" he asked raising an unimpressed eyebrow at the blushing elven lord.

"I…err…it wasn't me!" Glorfindel protested weakly as the twins looked very unamused.

"I doesn't seem that way!" Elladan said as they both crossed their arms at the same time in a freaky-twin-like way.

"Glorfindel this is very unlike you. Just…get this to Celboril and we'll pretend this never happened" Elrohir said as he and Elladan turned and walked out of the stables leaving a confused and astounded Glorfindel behind.

"Well…I…ohh I am going to throttle those girls" Glorfindel said as he threw the undergarments on the ground and went to fetch Celboril. On his was to the kitchens he passed the sniggering girls in the hallway.

"I will deal with you later" he said giving them an evil glare.

"You can't prove anything" Jasmine said with a triumphant smile.

"Right she is; know it you do" Trinity smiled as the flustered elf lord.

"_But she caught me on the counter_" Jasmine sang.

_"It wasn't me"_ Trinity said in a deep voice echoing Jasmine as she sang.

_"Saw me on the sofa"_

_"It wasn't me"_

_"I even had her in the shower"_

_"It wasn't me"_

_"She even caught me on camera"_

"_It wasn't me_"

"Why…I…Grrr" he said as he threw his arms into the air and marched off.

"Got him we did, off the hook we are" Trinity said with a bright smile.

"Shall we cause more mischief?" Jasmine asked as Trinity nodded and they went of in search of something else to do before they left tomorrow morning.

* * *

"If one can only experience life through death, then does one only live to die?" Jasmine asked sincerely following a random elf.

"I don't know" he said before disappearing around a corner.

"Rude" Trinity yelled after him as they sought out another elf.

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" Jasmine asked again to another random elf.

"Umm, I do not know" She said as she too avoided the girls.

"Scaring them we are, fun this is" Trinity said as she spied Legolas and Aragorn standing by the fountain having a deep and meaningful conversation. "Ask them we shall!" she said grabbing Jasmine by the arm and dragging her over.

"Fluffy Bubble Sniffer" Trinity said saluting Aragorn, who looked startled at the appearance of the two girls.

"Chim-Chim Gizzard Sprinkles" Jasmine said bowing to Legolas who looked utterly confused by them.

"What?" he asked as the girls looked at each other and laughed.

"Know his name he doesn't" Trinity laughed confusing them even more by the way she was speaking.

"What?" Aragorn asked.

"What?" Trinity said tilting her head to the side.

"What?" Legolas asked.

"What?" Jasmine asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"STOP!" Aragorn hollered making Trinity jump but as she did so she slipped on a slimy stone (they are near the fountain remember) and she fell flat on her arse. Jasmine started laughing hysterically while Trinity inspected her butt.

"Ow" she said as she wiped a bit of slime of her leg.

"Are you alright?" Aragorn asked looking concerned. He shot Jasmine and Legolas a stern look as they were both sniggering.

"Fine I am" She said with a smile as Aragorn helped her up. "Cheesy mango" she said to the other two.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Don't start this again" Aragorn said in a warning tone.

"Start what?" Jasmine asked innocently as Aragorn narrowed his eyes at her.

"You know what" He said getting rather tired of this conversation. _I cannot believe they are travelling with us, I think I may go insane._ He thought.

"Children" Legolas muttered but he was heard by Trinity.

"Heard that I did" She snapped light heartedly.

"Oh yeah and what are you going to do about it?" Legolas asked smugly.

"Kick your arse I will" Trinity said narrowing her eyes at Legolas.

"I'd like to see you try" He shot back.

"Beat an elf before I have" she stated.

"You were winner by default. Had Filda shown up…"He said trailing off as she noticed her furious eyes.

"Aliens you are" Trinity said tossing her head in the air and raising her nose before stalking off.

"Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?" Legolas asked as she walked off.

"Ohh you're in her bad books" Jasmine taunted as she started off to catch up to Trinity.

"What did we do?" Legolas asked utterly confused.

"Nothing much, you're just breathing" Jasmine said over her shoulder as she started to jog after Trinity who had spied a hobbit and she was now stalking the small being, but wasn't overly successful as she managed to trip over a tree root and her own feet numerous times. She almost fell head first into a pile of animal poo but Jasmine managed to grab her before she hit it.

"What's wrong with you? Are you drunk or what?" Jasmine asked as she helped Trinity to her feet.

"No" she chirped as she looked around for the hobbit.

"Well try and be a bit more graceful or at least coordinated" Jasmine said turning her in the right direction which just happened to be face to face with a hobbit.

"Why are you following me?" Pippin asked.

"We were not following you, we just happened to be going in the same direction" Trinity defended.

"What, no more yoda speak?" Jasmine asked with a smile.

"Mate… it's bloody hard to do. Thinking before you speak and all, I'd rather act like a lava lamp" Trinity laughed as she tried in vain to act like a lava lamp.

"Very well" Pippin said watching as Trinity wiggled up and down. "So why were you following me?"

"Hmm" Jasmine thought for a second "We wanted to tell you a story"

"You did?" He asked curiously.

"Why yes, a friend back home told me this story. I do believe that it is true" Jasmine said putting her hand to her chin in an attempt to look thoughtful.

"Oh and what is it?" He asked, he started to smile as Jasmine looked up and started to stutter.

"Well…I…err…once…umm"

"Once upon a time there was a fish, and he like bananas, sadly he couldn't eat bananas because they were yellow which obviously meant that he couldn't eat them. So he went on a search for some other bananas that weren't yellow. Someone told him that there where green bananas, so he went searching for them. Sadly they were actually cucumbers and he couldn't eat them because the moon liked to sing opera. I didn't really understand this when I heard this story but according to the fish when a moon likes opera then it is against the law for fish to eat cucumbers which then made perfect sense to me, how could it not. So the fish was sad, he really wanted a banana. Then he had a brilliant idea, if he painted a yellow banana a different colour he could eat it. Overjoyed at that idea he went out and painted a banana purple, which was the obvious choice of a colour because otherwise apricots would turn somersaults. He painted the banana and happily ate it. Sadly the banana turned him into a pink starfish and he was doomed to eat cheese for the rest of his days. Now if you see a purple banana you JUST STAY AWAY!" Trinity yelled, pointing at the frightened hobbit.

"Yeah" Jasmine said slowly as she watched the hobbit look around startled by her outburst.

"Purple bananas?" He asked tentatively.

"YES, you stay away from them Doofus Bubblebutt or I shall come looking for you and doom you to dancing like a chipmunk!" Trinity growled in all seriousness watching the poor hobbit run away before falling down in hysterical snorting laughter, Jasmine by her side.

* * *

Trinity skipped through the halls heading towards Jasmine's room. They had just eaten their body weight in food and were now full of energy again. She reached her door and knocked briefly before entering but Jasmine was not inside. She looked around and scratched her head wondering where she might have gone. She turned and continued down the hallway only to bump into Raniean.

"Why hello Mr Biggs" Trinity said linking his arm through hers and pulling him down the hallway with him.

"Mr Biggs?" He asked following, involuntarily, down the hall.

"Why yes Mr Biggs, don't you know your name? That's a shame, say have you seen Jasmine?" She said slowing to a walk.

"No, I will help you look though, I was just on my way to find Trelan and Legolas" he said as they exited the palace.

"Now why would you want to find him?" she asked looking around for any signs of those missing.

"Who?" he asked doing the same.

"Why Lord boggle-butt of course, he is no fun. You know what I think that they may be…ahem…'enjoying each others company' if you know what I mean?" she said with a saucy wink.

"I think you may be right" he said with a laugh.

"Ah so you know all about it too then?" she said as she looked through some bushes to see if they were on the other side.

"Yes, I happened to catch them together one day" He said as a small tinge of red crept into his features. Trinity ran up to him and felt his forehead.

"You poor thing, you didn't see anything…frightening, for your eyes anyway, did you?" she said causing him Raniean to laugh.

"Nay, they were just kissing, though if it were anything more I'm not sure how I would react."

"Hmm you're lucky, I walked past Jasmine's room and heard them being evil" Trinity said with an evil grin. "C'mon we gotta find them. We were supposed to be packing"

"Packing already?" he asked as they walked down a small path that lead to the small no longer secret garden.

"We have lots of…things to pack" she whispered with a secretive grin as they crept up to a bush and peered through it. They spotted Jasmine and Trelan sitting on a bench, Jasmine with her eyes closed and Trelan singing softly to her. It took all of Trinity's strength not to laugh; she took Raniean's hand and pulled him back a safe distance.

"What do we do know?" he asked as Trinity thought of a perfect way to interrupt them.

"I feel…pyromaniacy" She said after a few minutes of silence.

"Pyromaniacy?" Raniean asked genuinely confused.

"Never mind, come! I need to find a cape" Trinity said as she pulled Raniean towards the palace.

* * *

"That was beautiful" Jasmine whispered as Trelan finished singing. "Will you be joining the fellowship, god knows everyone else is!"

"No, my companions and I shall be returning to Mirkwood to inform Lord Thranduil of Prince Legolas's decision" He said with a sigh as he ran his hand through her hair. Suddenly behind them a great disturbance erupted and exploding from a bush came two individuals dressed rather strangely. They wore red sheets about their shoulders (as capes) and had a head band with a cardboard star on it around their forehead, they also adorned some glasses. The taller one looked quite embarrassed and confused while the other looked confident and proud.

"What the…?" Jasmine started but was stopped as the confident raised their hand.

"STOP, I AM ROOTWOMAN AND THIS IS ROOTMAN, we heard you were in dire need of a…" She nudged Rootman and he gave a sigh "ROOT…you Mary-Sue in the making friend of mine and her adorable yet dashing companion" they said together, just liked they rehearsed, of course Trinity added the ending on herself.

"Trinity, Raniean?" Jasmine said looking past the glasses.

"NO, I am Rootwoman and this is Rootman!" She said looking the couple over.

"Yes what she says is true, Trinity and Raniean are no more" He said with his hands on his hips, he was starting to get into this character.

"Oh my god, you've corrupted him, haven't you?" Jasmine said shocked at what she was seeing.

"Oh no, he just realised who he really was" Trinity/Rootwoman said with a winning smile.

"Right" Jasmine said nudging Trelan ever so slightly. "We're just…going…to…GO!" Jasmine said as both she and Trelan rushed off.

"Oh no you don't!" Raniean shouted as he took chase. Trinity stood their and watched him leave, wiping an imaginary tear away.

"I'm so proud of him" She said watching as he came bursting back through and grabbed her arm.

"Are you coming?" He asked as he dragged her through the bush track.

"Looks like it" She said as they spotted Trelan and Jasmine disappear over a hill. "Hmm we're going to need some help" she said just before giving off a long loud whistle (that I'm actually learning to do, HUZZAH). Hoof beats sounded behind them and they turned to find a large palomino mare and Indy (a black and brown pinto the one from Chapt 11) gallop up to them. They too wore capes and headbands.

"Ahh my faithful companion, I need you again it would seem" Trinity said as she patted Indy's muzzle.

"Let us fly" Raniean said as he leaped gracefully up onto the mare's back. Trinity tried to do that too but she managed to jump clear over Indy and land on her arse instead.

"Ow, I'm doing that a lot " She said and tried it again, this time landing across the horse (feet and legs one side, head and arms on the other) "Its ok, I got it, I got it" She said pulling herself into a sitting position. Raniean sighed and held back laughter as they moved off. They followed the same route the others did and only managed to find a group of confused guards.

"Have you seen red haired human and a short blond elf go through here have you?" Trinity asked as they murmured among themselves. Finally an elf stepped forward and it just happened to be Mirathyl. "Yo Spifeman what's happening?" Trinity said.

"No much, why are you dressed…no never mind, yes they did pass us. They were in quiet a hurry too, they were heading back to the palace" Mirathyl said with a smile.

"Coolies, Thanks Much Oh and watch out for the PINK WARTHOGS" Trinity chirped as she and Raniean turned their horses and headed back to the palace.

"Strange girl" Mirathyl said heading back to his group.

Raniean and Trinity headed back at a full gallop and managed to arrive at the same time as Trelan and Jasmine. They watched each other for a moment before Trelan and Jasmine sprinted for the doors of the palace, they were fast but not fast enough as Raniean and Trinity managed to cut them off. They dismounted and walked slowly over to the couple, who looked frightened.

"MMWWAAHAHAHAHA" Trinity laughed as she watched them back up.

"Are you frightened?" Raniean asked tilting his head to the side "You should be"

"Ah he could be so evil" Trinity said in awe "I am so proud" wiping a fake tear away.

"What do you want?" Trelan asked starting to get fed up with this little hootenanny. (This is probably the wrong word but I don't care because I really wanted to use it…hehehe hootenanny).

"Just to give you a little friendly advice" Trinity said with an evil smile.

"Yes…advice" Raniean echoed.

"Never cross the road when you're wearing no clothes." Trinity said watching their faces grow even more confused.

"When you think it's safe to sing…" Raniean started but lost his train of thought at the look on his friend's face.

"Beware of the Pink Monkeys!" Trinity finished as she watched Raniean laugh helplessly. "That's not helping"

"Sorry…but…too…funny" He laughed. Trinity couldn't contain herself as she watched the laughing elf and she too fell into helpless laughter.

"You…May… /snort/ …go…now… /Snort/ …I just…snorted… /snort/ …look…again" Trinity laughed as she rolled around on the ground snorting to her hearts content. Jasmine just shook her head and stepped over her, following Trelan up the stairs. After a few more minutes of laughing, Trinity and Raniean sat up and looked around.

"That was good" Trinity said wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yes I haven't laughed like that for a while…I haven't acted like that for centuries either" Raniean laughed. They sat in silence for a few moments before Trinity turned to him and asked.

"Wanna scare an elf lord?"

"Sounds like a plan" He said as they headed into the palace.

* * *

Who knew elves could be immature too?

* * *

Trinity sat in her room fuming. Raniean had gotten off scotch free and she got blamed, it wasn't her fault that the bird smashed some 1,000,000 year old vase. Ok so she did bring the bird into Elrond's room to frighten him, but Raniean had put it in the vase, not her. It wasn't fair, oh well at least she got to finish packing and annoy Elrond. Apparently Glorfindel had also told Elrond about the underpants incident and she and Glorfindel had gotten into a squabble about it, seriously, elves could be so childish at times.

/BANG/

"What the…?" Trinity said as she stepped tentatively towards the door.

/BANG/

It sounded again. Trinity flung the door open to find Jasmine standing on the other side, her foot mid-kick.

"What are you doing?" Trinity asked "There are doorknobs for a reason"

"Hands turn doorknobs, legs break down doors!" Jasmine said walking past into Trinity's room.

"What's wrong with your hands?" Trinity said closing the door and walking back over to the bed.

"Nothing" Jasmine said as she held up her small backpack. "Look-ee, I finished packing"

"That's nice, I finished an hour ago." Trinity said.

"Then why are you in here?" Jasmine asked chucking her bag next to Trinity's.

"Lord Bingo banished me in here because I broke a vase…Raniean really did it" Trinity said.

"Oh…do you wanna teach the elves how to dance?" Jasmine asked as Trinity's face lit up.

"Yes, Yes I do" She smiled as she followed Jasmine out the door and towards the Hall of Fire where, conveniently, many of the elves/main characters where, isn't that convenient. I think all new characters should be given a GPRS device that tells you where each character is and when.

"GOOD PEOPLE OF MIDDLE EARTH" Jasmine announced causing all heads to turn towards the door where she and Trinity were.

"We have come to teach you a national dance from our homeland!" Trinity announced, avoiding Elrond's glare. "Now we want you all standing up…all of you!" she threatened. Once everyone was standing the girls smiled warmly at them.

"OK First you hold your hands like this." Jasmine said holding her hands out in front of her, bent at the elbow and her hands forming beaks.

"Next you open and close them four times" Trinity said showing them and giggling insanely inside as she watched everyone copy her. _I have complete power. _She thought evilly.

"Now, change your arms again and hold them like this" Jasmine said as she put her hands under her armpits.

"Now flap them four or five times" Trinity demonstrated this too.

"Now shake your bottom four times" Jasmine said turning around and showing them so.

"I don't see bottom wiggling!" Trinity said pointing at some reluctant elves.

"And then finally clap your hands four times!" Jasmine said as she clapped her hands.

"Now you put all of it together like this" Trinity said as they did the whole routine.

"Now you try" Jasmine said as she watched elves, a dwarf, hobbits and humans all dance.

"And don't forget to do it to this song…daaaa, na na na na na, na, na na na na na na, DA, DA, DA, DA, na, na, na, na" Trinity said sounding out the song, that if your haven't realise by now is the chicken dance. They watched the whole congregation dance and hum, trying in vain to not laugh and failing miserably of course. The whole congregation looked up at the two laughing girls with stern looks.

"I'm sorry, shall we teach you another?" Trinity asked as Lord Elrond stepped forward.

"I think that will be quite enough" He said as a few elves nodded.

"Oh no, _my lord,_ please allow us to teach you one final dance?" Jasmine said, she always had always been better at negotiations.

"I…err…very well, but this will not have us looking like chickens, will it?" He asked tentatively.

"Of course not" Trinity said with a smile that would frighten Sauron.

"We call this the Macarena" Jasmine said sharing a secret smile.

* * *

Now I'm not going to write how the Macca goes because it would be too long and if you don't know how THAT goes…where the hell have ya been?

* * *

The morning sun rose over the mountains, casting warm rays of light onto the stirring city of Rivendell. One room that was not stirring was the one which held the human Jasmine, though it was not to stay quite for long. Loud thumping sounded down the hallway, stopping outside of the door. Muffled voices were heard.

"Was it necessary for you to jump all the way down here and wake the whole of Middle Earth?"

"What? Like you've never farted? Be-gone elf of a thousand faces"

"What?"

"You know what I mean; I must awake my dearly departed friend"

"She's not dead though"

"Ahh that's what she WANTS you to think" The grumbling of the other faded away as the door opened.

"C'mon, Hefferlump, Its 5:30 rise and shine!" Trinity said jumping up onto the bed as the lump under the blankets tried in vain to sleep, with a sigh she looked up at her bouncing friend.

"5:30? You rise. You shine." Jasmine said as she tried to pull the blanket over her head.

"Nuh uh c'mon, time to awake!" Trinity said grabbing the blanket, trying to tear the blanket from her friend's fingers, but Jasmine wasn't going to give it up willingly. After a few moments of a tugging war, Jasmine let go of the blanket just as Trinity was pulling it as hard as she could. Jasmine watched Trinity's face morph into disbelief as she headed to the floor with a loud bang. The voice form earlier, Elladan, came running in but upon seeing Trinity lying laughing/dazed on the ground and Jasmine almost pissing herself in her bed, he merely shook his head and left the room.

"I don't think they like us anymore" Trinity said after she regained her composure.

"I think your right!" Jasmine agreed. "Alright, I'll be out in a second just gotta get dressed"

"Right-o" Trinity said as she bounded out the door, closing it as she went.

As Jasmine changed Trinity tried to look like a gargoyle by the door. She had her mouth open and was crouching on her haunches with one arm out straight and the other up like a claw. Various elves gave her a strange look as they pasted by.

"What are you doing?" Jasmine asked looking at her from the doorway.

"No much Mary-sue, lets go!" Trinity said dragging Jasmine down the hallway.

"Why do you keep calling me Mary-sue?" She asked as she tripped Trinity over.

"Why did you trip me?" She asked latching onto Jasmine's leg and pulling herself up of the ground.

"I asked you first" Jasmine said as they continued towards the front door.

"Fine" Trinity sighed as she looked at her friend sidewards. "Because that performance in the garden would be worthy of the Mary-sue title…"That was beautiful"" She mocked.

"You're just jealous" Jasmine said as the walked down the last few steps and headed towards the gathering.

"Of what? I've never been jealous of you!" Trinity scoffed.

"You're jealous of me being with Trelan, and you know it!" Jasmine snapped as Trinity pulled her back to where she had stopped dead.

"Thems a fighten words" She drawled almost growled, Jasmine just raised her eyebrows in an unamused way.

"Good" was all she said. Trinity got a certain sparkle in her eye.

"What's the bet?" she said as Jasmine smiled slyly and looked around, her eyes caught the sight of her prey. An evil smile spread across her lips as she uttered one word.

"Legolas" Trinity's jaw dropped.

"No" but Jasmine just smiled wider and nodded. "That's evil, truly evil. Why not Elladan or Elrohir or Pippin even? I'd even try Gandalf!" But Jasmine just shook her head and repeated.

"Legolas" Trinity narrowed her eyes.

"Fine but we do it on my time, my terms and my way"

"Alright" Now it was Trinity's turn to smile evilly as she named her terms.

"Fine" Jasmine growled as they stalked over. The group turned slightly and acknowledged that they were there before turning back to their hushed conversations. The girls started talking to the hobbits but that conversation started to dwindle as the rest of the fellowship joined up with them, they were now standing together facing a large collection of elves waiting for Lord Elrond to appear. He finally made an appearance five minutes later.

"Warning, Warning randomness approaching" Trinity said sounding remarkably like the robot out of 'Lost in space' as Lord Elrond approached the crowd.

"Would you just be normal for a moment" Legolas said as a vein in his forehead started to bulge.

"I don't like your tone Lord coo-coo face; shall I get Esmeralda and fetch the piggies?" Trinity offered as Legolas shook his head.

"Just stay quite for a few moments while the leaving ceremony is on…PLEASE" He said and then added in a hushed tone "Or else you will find this journey most unpleasant"

"What I find unpleasant is your breath…Shh I'm trying to listen" Trinity said as Lord Elrond started to talk. Legolas's face flushed, most probably he was restraining the urge to throttle the girl, but we will never know.

"Nice start" Jasmine hissed in her ear.

"My terms" Trinity hissed back.

"The Ringbearer is setting out on the Quest of Mount Doom. On you who travel with him, no oath nor bond is laid to go further than you will." Lord Elrond said looking extremely regal in his dark purple robes. Arwen and Aragorn shared a soft smile and Legolas put his hand on his heart and bowed his head in the traditional leaving pose. It would seem the only ones who noticed the dark furry creature crawling along Elrond's robe were Trinity and Jasmine, who were giggling insanely but managing to keep control enough to look slightly normal. Elrond continued. "Farewell. Hold to your purpose. May the blessings of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you." He signaled to the entrance with his long slender arm as the furry creature climbed further and further up towards his neck.

"The Fellowship awaits the Ring-bearer." Gandalf said as Frodo looked up scared of what was about to happen. He walked slowly towards the gateway, as he passed Jasmine and Trinity he heard them whisper loud enough for him to hear.

"Go the Fro!" he smiled softly at them as he approached the gates. He took some tentative steps outside the gate and looked left and right.

"Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or right?" he asked as Gandalf smiled softly at him and said in hushed whisper.

"Left" he said as he placed his hand reassuringly on Frodo's left shoulder. The group followed him out. First Gandalf then Gimli, Boromir, Pippin, Merry, Trinity, Jasmine, Legolas, Elladan and Elrohir and Sam who was leading Bill the pony and then finally Aragorn, who paused at the entrance and exchanged a last longing look with Arwen. Finally, he bowed his head and followed the rest of the Fellowship. As they travelled down the path, they heard the uunmistakable sound of a Elf lord hollering in the distance and sure enough the sounds of insane laughing could be heard in all the corners or Rivendell as the fellowship departed the elvan haven of Imladris.

* * *

* * *

* * *

THE JOURNEY HAS STARTED!

* * *

"Yay it's about time I hear you say…I agree! I was really hanging out to start the journey…so many ideas! I really have been bitten by gigantic orange plot bunnies; I have about three stories on the back burner at the moment! YAY but I feel really bad because I should be writing **ANF**, but I had to start this journey otherwise I would probably not have any arms left due to the rabid plot bunnies…LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"You know I'm starting to with I never gave them the wine… they have been acting very strange…except Legolas who is hounding me to study…5 DOWN 4 TO GO Yay almost finished! YAY OLYMPICS HAVE STARTED, they put the opening ceremony on at 7:30 am 7:30 in the damn morning! I'm sleeping then! But its ok…they are replaying it at 11, thank god."

Footsteps and muffled voices were heard. "Oh no" I quickly hide the story and pretend to study just as Legolas barges in followed by a drunk Jack.

"Hessh coming" Jack slurred.

"I can see that Jack" I said through gritted teeth.

"Are you studying?" Legolas asked with his hands on his hips.

"Yes"

"Really? Because I can tell when you're lying!"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can…you start to smile and then bite the inside of your cheek to try and stop yourself from smiling" Legolas said with a smile pointing to his cheek.

"Damn…do I?"

"You're doing it right now" he said pointing.

"No I'm not" stops biting my cheek. Elladan and Elrohir stumble into the room.

"Hesss commink" Elladan said tripping over Jack who was lying on the ground looking at the heater.

"Thanks guys but I really gotta memorise this Earth and Environmental stuff and then have to learn off a Chemistry, Physics and Earth prac"

"Alright…but no more stories!" they leave.

"I won't…hehehe"

"I heard that laugh!" Legolas's voice echoed up the stairs.

"Damn"


	13. hav ya noticed yet?

**Disclaimer **– **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop)** Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! **(Elves and Jack and Drake also in army outfits)**  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear!  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movies) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Do you dare bench press 500 kg let alone 5 kg?)

* * *

There you go peps! An update just cause I Luvs ya…not in a creepy way though. Hugs Boys Hope you all enjoy cause this may be the last one for a WHILE!

* * *

**Real Identity Issues**

"We must hold to this course, west from the Misty Mountains for 40 days. If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us. From there our road turns east to Mordor."

Gandalf walked in front of the party with Aragorn then came Merry, Pippin, Elladan, Gimli, Elrohir, Frodo, Jasmine, Boromir, Trinity, Sam, Bill and then finally Legolas who was the rear guard, and what a rear he had. The first part of their journey was hard and dreary, and Frodo remembered little of it save the wind…and the girls.

"It's cold"

"And Rainy"

"I need to pee"

"Are we there yet?"

"Can I stop I have a stone in my shoe"

"Jasmine's growing"

"Trinity's breathing"

"Boromir stabbed me in the eye"

"I did not"

"Ow he did it again"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO WE ARE NOT" Gandalf hollered turning to the line behind him, though he looked darkly at them all, though his focus was mainly the two smiling girls in the middle. "It will be a long and hard journey"

"That could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY" Jasmine said sitting down on a nearby rock.

"You knew fully well what you were in for when you joined this journey" Gandalf said with his hand on his hip and pointing his staff at the girls.

"I didn't, she did, she cares, I don't" Jasmine said as Trinity nodded with a smile.

"Very well now you know" Gandalf said as he turned and started to head back to the front of the group.

"Grandpa, Can I go pee?" Trinity whined.

"Yeah, me too?" Jasmine said as they stood up and watched Gandalf suppress an angry breath.

"Fine but there will be scarce little toilet breaks on this trip." He said giving Aragorn a tired glance.

"Once again, Things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!" Jasmine said as the girls headed off into the bush.

"How long will you be?" Aragorn asked looking around watching the dark undergrowth around them.

"If we're not back in five minutes... just wait longer." A voice from in the bush said. The fellowship sat around for a few minutes watching the amused faces of the elves as they listened to the girls' conversation from with in the bush.

"What's so funny?" Merry asked.

"Their conversation" Elrohir said.

"What are they saying?" Pippin asked as they moved closer to the elves.

"Well Trinity is trying to calm Jasmine down after a mouse crawled up her leg" Elladan said. "And now Jasmine is laughing at Trinity while she curses at something that just bite her rear"

"They are returning" Legolas said as everyone tried to act normal.

"Fear not, we are back" Jasmine said as she ran out of the bush and slid over the stones, sliding to a stop in front of Gandalf. Trinity tried to do the same but ended up sliding too far and tumbling over a nearby root and landing in a pile of Bill's perfectly placed manure. This set the journey back a good half an hour as they were too busy laughing hysterically at Trinity as she tried to wipe the manure of her tunic and face. Suddenly she got a sly and sneaky look upon her face as she sidled up to Gimli.

"Hello baby. Did you miss me?" She said in a low and husky voice. Gimli stopped laughing and looked up at her.

"What are you up to young missy?" He asked as she smiled at him.

"Nothing" She said and then she pounced on him, giving him a good dose of manure in the process. "There I feel better"

"Why did you do that" Gimli asked as he wiped the manure out of his beard.

"Had to do something, I was getting bored" She shrugged and sat next to Jasmine who was quaking with silent laughter.

"What do you normally do when you get bored?" Merry asked with a huge grin on his face as he watched Gimli curse in dwarvish.

"I watch the stock market channel - I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun... he can bullshit everybody else, but he ain't fooling me." Trinity said spraying herself with some perfume she had stolen from Imladris. Soon enough she smelled like a walking flower bed…complete with fertilizer!

"I think it would be best if we moved on" Aragorn said glancing into the surrounding forest, his edginess growing as the sun rose high in the sky.

"I agree. Lets go" Elladan said as they got everyone up.

"Yes, how selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do." Jasmine said as Elladan pulled her to her feet.

"OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, and no sniffing hineys." Trinity said as she skipped around a grumbling Gimli.

The troop continued their journey southwards with little incident, that is until the girls once again got bored with the current activities.

"I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam  
And I got a lotta muscle and I only gots one eye  
And I'll never hurt nobodys and I'll never tell a lie  
Top to me bottom and me bottom to me top  
That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I?  
I yam what I yam." Trinity sang off key as they walked through the dense bush.

"She's Popeye the Sailor Woman. She's Popeye the Sailor woman. She's strong to the finich cause she eats her spinach, she's Popeye the sailor woman." Jasmine sang, on key though.

"I'm one tough gazookas that hates all palookas that ain't on the up and square. I biffs 'em and buffs 'em and always out-roughs 'em and none of 'em gets nowhere. So keep good behaviour, it's your one lifesaver, with Popeye the Sailor Woman- TOOT-TOOT" Trinity sang.

"ENOUGH" Gimli hollered scaring the birds out of a nearby bush. "No more, just walk quietly. Do you want to bring upon us all the forces of Sauron, Saruman and Morgoth all at once?"

"That depends…are they hot?" Jasmine said staring down the small man who just huffed and walked on a head.

"Some people just aren't cut out for the road." Trinity said as she walked by her, Legolas followed leaving Jasmine with the Twins for company.

"He is right" He said and then added under his breath "Even if he is a dwarf…you should be more careful and act thoughtfully and not stupidly as you do"

"You know someday, you and I are going to have a serious disagreement." Trinity growled as he moved past her.

"I look forward to it" He snapped.

"You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive." Trinity chirped as he growled under his breath and moved off.

"What'd I do?" she asked softly as Elladan walked by.

"He's just grumpy" he said.

"Yeah and it seems all directed at me" She said walking next to him, he put his arm about her shoulders and smiled.

"Don't worry yourself. Legolas can go through moods, I've known him a very, VERY long time and he does have his moods" Trinity smiled up at the dark haired elf.

"Thanks much Ernie"

"Ernie?" He asked raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"Can I call you Ernie?" She asked with a sly smile as she stopped.

"Not if you expect me to answer, especially since I'm Elladan" He said as he walked on.

"Eddie it is then" she called after him, he just chuckled in response. She dropped back to walk with Jasmine and Elrohir.

"Howdy Say cheese" Trinity said as she took a mental picture of Jasmine and Elrohir. She held her hands up to her face and pretended to take a photo.

"CHHHEEESSSEEE" Jasmine said as she grabbed a confused Elrohir.

"What?" he asked as Trinity pretended to shake something.

"Oh this is going to turn out lovely. Look at that isn't it beautiful?" Trinity said showing Jasmine…well nothing.

"Oh wow, that's really good, except B2 here looks retarded" Jasmine said showing the "picture" to Elrohir who just looked strangely at them.

"Told you to say cheese but would you listen…noooo" Trinity said as Elrohir just shook his head and walked on.

"Come along, this is going to be a very long journey and we don't want you falling behind" He said as they caught up to him.

"A journey of a thousand miles must start with one small step" Jasmine said as Elrohir stopped and looked at her.

"What did you say?" he asked shocked at the wisdom of her words.

"I said "A Wise Monkey Never Monkies with another Monkey's Monkey!" She said with a smile.

"Ahh pure genius" Trinity said "Gotta love those monkeys"

"I'm NOT A MONKEY" Jasmine yelled causing those up front to jump at the suddenness of her outburst.

"Ah, the monkey's been shot. Poor little bugger." Trinity said patting her head softly.

"DAMN YOU SPACE MONKEYS" Jasmine yelled shaking her fist at the sky.

"Space…monkeys?" Merry asked looking genuinely confused as Trinity jogged up to him, her small pack rattling with goodies.

"Why yes young Monopoly, do you not know what a monkey is?" Trinity asked stooping down to the hobbits level.

"No I don't" He said watching as Trinity's face grew dark.

"They are a foul and vicious creature. They hide in the trees above unsuspecting creatures. Their fanged mouths foaming with the blood of their last victim, they dark fur darkened with dry blood. They sit up in the trees watching and waiting for a small creature to fall behind and then they gather around him in the tree tops" Trinity stopped a moment to add to the tension, she saw Merry's face grow paler as he swallowed hard. She also noticed that everyone was listening to her; she spared a glance at Jasmine and found her, though straight faced, quaking with silent laughter.

"What ever is wrong Yasmina my dear?" Trinity asked giving Jasmine a "Look".

"Just memories. Do you remember when…?" Jasmine looked up into the trees above and shuddered.

"Don't!" Trinity said, feigning concern. "Don't" Now the company watched the two with concern.

"You're right, it's in the past. I'm over it" Jasmine said forcing a smile. Trinity smiled and nodded and turned back to Merry.

"Now where was I?" she asked innocently as Merry swallowed hard again, sparing a glance into the trees above.

"They…" Merry squeaked and the cleared his throat "They were in the trees, watching their victim"

"Ah yes…so anyway, there they are, sitting amongst the branches. Watching; waiting for the exact moment to strike. Their claws grip the branches in anticipation. The branches start to shake as they start their war cries, ear piercing screeches that could make the dead wake and the flesh crawl. Their prey looks up into the trees sees yellow eyes surrounding him like a halo. SUDDENLY it drops from the tree, right in front of the little man; the monkey looks at him almost sweetly. Stupidity over coming him, the man stoops to pat the small creature. Suddenly they are all upon him, a flurry of brown and screaming. He tears at the creatures, their blood mixing with his own, and his screams echo into the night alerting his trusty companions. They rush back to find his bloody carcass lying in the dirt, blood flowing freely over the nearby rocks and dripping from the branches. They look up to find one of his arms hanging from a high branch and a pair of yellow eyes not far above that." Trinity looked away and "shuddered" also known as suppressing laughter. She lifted her head and looked at Jasmine who immediately produced some tears and a shuddering sob.

Pippin, who was now a surprising colour of yellow, looked between them. "What?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

"Well, it's just, we were…" Trinity started but was cut off by Jasmine.

"Shh" She said giving her a strained look.

"I was just going to…"

"Shh"

"But they can know…"

"Shh"

"It's no hassle..."

"Shh!"

"But..."

"Shh!"

"I'm..."

"Shh!"

"All I'm going to say..."

"Shh!"

"They're gonna get..."

"Shh!"

"I'm..."

"Shh!"

"I'm just..."

"Shh!"

"Would..."

"Shh!... Knock-knock."

"Who's there?"

"Shh!"

"But..."

"Let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh! Shh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "Shh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "Shh!" with your name on it." Trinity stomped her foot in defeat.

"I hate you" She said walking away from Jasmine who just yelled after her.

"No you don't"

* * *

A few hours later and a pig named fred who ate red peppers is now stuck in the toilet

* * *

The fellowship found a small clearing surrounded by bush and a large cliff face. When they came upon it they found little life had used the clearing in a while as it was very out of the way which made it ideal for them to rest in. They collapsed into the clearing and looked around.

"I hate cliffs" Aragorn mumbled causing Legolas to laugh.

"Yes well I hate caves but there are some things you can't avoid sometimes. I just hope we don't have to travel through Moria" The two close friends shared a secret laugh together as they went to check out the surroundings. Meanwhile two other close friends we're joking about their own little secret.

"You're going to Hell." Jasmine laughed.

"Save me a seat." Trinity said as they lay down on the ground their heads on their backpacks watching the hobbits look up into the trees as Legolas and Aragorn walked back into camp.

"It's time you two do-nothings DID something!" Legolas said looking down at the two lounging girls.

"Uh... I pulled the wings off a fly yesterday" Jasmine said looking at her nails.

"Uh, I fried a worm!" Trinity said chucking a pebble up and catching it again.

"I'm talking about something big, like H.E.L.P.I.N.G" Legolas said catching the rock midair.

"Hey" Trinity protested.

"I could fry two worms!" Jasmine said with a smile as Legolas shuddered and walked off.

"Hey Idiot." Trinity yelled causing Legolas to spin back around and glare at them.

"Heh. I said "idiot" and you turned around." She laughed causing Legolas to storm off muttering in elvish.

"You gotta learn to laugh. It's the way to true love" Jasmine said seriously. She turned her head slightly and caught Trinity's eye.

"Shibby" They said together and fell into hysterical laughter.

"Hey I know what we can do. Do you have any foil or something like that in your bag?" Jasmine asked.

"Yeah" Trinity said "I think so"

"Well if Leggy-buns wants us to do something big, I know what we can do" she said as she started to whisper into Trinity's ear.

"BRILLIANT!" Trinity said as they watched the camp around them stir with the final preparations for the night.

"Those two girls are going to drive me insane by the end of this." Legolas said as he walked up to the twins who slowly sharpened the edge of their daggers against a pair of whetstones. "That is if they survive"

"I don't think they are that bad, they are quite…interesting" Boromir said with as smile as he borrowed the stone off Elladan.

"You would" Legolas muttered as the man walked away, giving the girls a wide smile as he did, they responded with a high pitched "Hey Bozza" in a sing song voice.

"What's wrong with you Legolas?" Elladan asked putting down his daggers and re-sheathing them.

"Yes, you seemed to get on well with them back at Imladris?" Elrohir said as he continued his sharpening.

"I did, I'm not sure what happened; they just seem to twist some nerve in me" Legolas said pacing in front of them.

"Sit down and relax, this may be one of the only days where it may be possible for you to relax" Elrohir said as he finished up.

"Yes sit down you are making me nervous" Elladan said leaning up against the cliff wall.

"He's so anally retentive he wouldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the rocks" Trinity's voice said as it drifted over to them. The twins suppressed a chuckle as Legolas started to storm towards the girls, who leapt up and fled into the surrounding forest with a squeal.

"You think you can hide from a woodland elf in a forest?" Legolas yelled into the bush.

"Sure we can" Trinity's voice floated back.

"YOU FOOL" They yelled.

"Grr" He said as he threw himself next to the twins who were smiling broadly. "What are you laughing about?"

"Nothing" They said in unison.

"Watch out for the rocks" mumbled Elladan who copped a fair thump in the head soon after the comment sounded. "Hey!"

About an hour later the girls still hadn't returned but the fellowship wasn't worried as the elves could hear the faint cackles of laughter just beyond the border of the forest.

"Shouldn't we go find them?" Frodo asked approaching Aragorn and Gandalf who were watching the stars…as you do.

"No, they are fine, they are up a tree about twenty metres east of here" Elladan said giving the small hobbit a smile. "Besides, I pity the poor beast that tries to take them on. They would drive it insane before it got more than ten feet away."

"I see" Frodo said as he returned to the centre of the clearing where he and the other hobbits were sitting. Almost suddenly there was a shrill sound above them and a strange sound, almost like giggling, but with a slight raw to it. It stopped almost as suddenly as it began.

"What was that?" Merry asked Pippin in a hushed whisper.

"I…I'm not sure" he replied looking up into the trees above. Merry noticed that the twins and Boromir were on full alert, with their bows and swords by their sides looking out into the forest. What he failed to notice was the unamused look on Legolas's face and the fact that Aragorn, Gandalf and Gimli were not even acknowledging the noise.

"Oh my god, what is that?" Frodo said pointing to the trees where he could see many shining eyes in the night.

"May…maybe they are just…umm…some…squirrels or mice?" Sam stuttered.

"Where are our weapons?" Pippin asked clutching his side where his sword used to be.

"O…over there" Merry said pointing to their belongings next to a sleeping Bill.

"I to…told you to keep y…your weapons with you" Frodo said clutching Sting to his breast. "Go and get them quickly. The sons of Elrond and Boromir are prepared you should be fine, Hurry" He said pushing Merry and Pippin towards Bill. About half way towards Bill, a loud cry sounded.

"MONKEY NINJAS ATTACK"

And then in a flurry of movement two dark beings dropped from a tree above, landing on the two Hobbits who were now screaming, until the grunting and squealing beings covered their mouths. The hobbits faces were etched with fear and looked as though they were about to shit themselves.

"MONKEYS" Merry cried before the being covered his mouth.

"Hold still, I'm trying to crush you!" One of the beings said, trying to hold the squirming hobbit down. It was about this time that Merry and Pippin noticed almost the entire camp was laughing, save Legolas.

"Ladies, what are you doing?" Aragorn asked.

"What are you doing?" Jasmine asked back as he pulled the girls off the panting hobbits who now looked very confused.

"Well, I asked first." Aragorn said standing face to face with Jasmine

"Well, I asked second." Jasmine said stepping closer to Aragorn.

"I'm not going to play this game" He said shaking his head as he made his way back to his spot next to Gandalf.

"Well I asked forth!" Jasmine called after him.

"Ho, Ho, ho" Gandalf laughed.

"Santa?" Trinity said looking up at the sky.

"Girls, as amusing as that was; I would really appreciate it if you were a little less thunderous" He said beckoning the girls to sit.

"Huh?" They said as they helped the still bewildered hobbits up.

"He's saying quieten down a little so Mordor doesn't know that we are coming" Boromir said smoking his pipe.

"That's impossible" Trinity said trying to catch one of Boromir's smoke rings.

"Nothings impossible" Boromir said as he blew a cloud of smoke at Trinity, who sucked it in and blew it right back at him.

"Yyyooouuuu've never tried to slam a swing door have you?" Jasmine said "Smoking is bad for you, you'll die!"

"Nonsense, I have been smoking for thousands of years and I am perfectly healthy and I don't think I am going to die anytime soon" Gandalf laughed as the girls shared a look. "What?"

"Hey Jasmine what am I?" Trinity said imitating Gandalf fighting a balrog and then falling.

"Stupid?" Jasmine said sending the company into a fit of laughter, all those save Legolas, Merry and Pippin.

"Those eyes, they are still up there!" Merry said in a frightened voice as he looked up into the branches.

"Oh those, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum if you'd be so kind" Jasmine said pointing to the trees as the twins leapt up into the tree and then re-appeared a few seconds later holding some chocolate paper. (These are foily)

"What's that?" Pippin asked.

"They are food wrappers from our word. They keep the food fresh for a long time." Trinity said taking them from the twins and putting them back in her bag.

"Are you telling me you were all in on this...this thing?" Merry asked looking dumfounded.

"Yep" Elladan and Elrohir said with Boromir nodding in agreement.

"They were, we weren't." Legolas Grumbled as he took out an extra cloak.

"It's not our fault you're no fun" Trinity said. Legolas whirled around.

"I am fun, it just depends on the company" He snapped.

"Is that a challenge?" Trinity said in a loud deep western voice.

"Maybe it is" Legolas said as he sat down against the cliff wall.

"Careful of the rocks Legolips" Jasmine said causing him to jump back up.

"You to are really..." He started but Gandalf cut him off.

"Alright everyone, I think it's time we all got some rest. There is a long way to go yet" Aragorn said as Gandalf nodded in agreement.

"I will stand watch first, then Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, Elladan, Elrohir and Gimli." Gandalf said as they all settled down to sleep.

"Hey what about us?" Trinity asked.

"If we need anymore to watch after that we will wake you. Understood?" Aragorn asked looking at the smiling girl.

"Absolutely ffffaaaabulous dddaarrling" She said as she through herself between the twins. "Hiya"

"Are you quite right there?" Elladan asked.

"Yep, I get cold at night sometimes." She said pouting and giving them the puppy-eyes-from-hell-and-back-while-riding-in-a-haunted-train-full-of-puppy-dogs look.

"Alright" Elrohir said as they lay down together.

"Sssllllut" Jasmine's voice floated over in a sing song voice from across the small clearing.

"You're just jealous I'm getting some!" she said back.

"GIRLS" Gandalf scolded them. Soon after the camp fell into a relaxed and quietened state as the fellowship fell asleep under the stars.

* * *

Look at that, I updated for you guys. 

Sorry I haven't updated for a while but I have been studying RRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY had and since my final exams EVER are in three weeks I think I should study. So this may be the only update for a few more weeks sorry!

This chapter has been bugging me for a while now anyway and I had to get it out. Hope you guys like it!

2 days 2 days 2 days until my birthday I'm 18 18 18 18 AND LEGAL MMWWAAHAHAHAHA I am an "Adult"…HAH! Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd Oct 3rd

Scamper

"Did you hear that" Aus looks out into the darkened hallway.

"Yes" E and Jack said as they looked out into the hallway as well.

"It was probably just your imaginations" Legolas said. "You should be studying"

"Since when did you become my mother?" Aus asks turning around and glaring at him.

"When she told you to move out or get studying" Legolas said equalling the glare.

"I don't remember that" Aus said seeing the glare and raising it.

"You were listening to that GreenDay Cd and eating ice cream WHILE writing a story" Legolas said winning the glare contest as Aus looked down and smiled sheepishly.

"Opps"

Scarper, scamper, CRASH

"Holy shit" Aus said facing the slightly a jarred door.

"Swear Jar" Elladan said holding out a huge KB can (it's a beer) that was acting as the swear jar, since Jack broke the other one from over filling it and then using it all to buy a 10 gallon keg of rum.

"Oh come on, we're about to be eaten by giant woman and elf eating frogs and you want me to put money in the swear jar!" Aus said as they all glared at her.

"How do you expect to get a decent partner if you don't clean out your mouth" Legolas said as Aus put money in the can.

"I'll look after ye luv" Jack said with a saucy wink.

"Oh no you don't" Legolas said.

"Fine, now that I have given up my pixie stix money you can go and sort out that noise" Aus said pushing the elves out the door with their weapons and locking the door.

"What about Jack" Elrohir hissed through the key hole.

"I need a body guard" Aus giggled. "Jack needs to watch over my body"

"Open this door right now" Legolas hissed through the key hole.

"Nuh uh you go and find the noise maker and then I'll let you back in…Good luck boys" Aus said with a giggle.

"Touch her human and I'll beat you with a stick" Legolas snarled.

"Oh getting' protective elf? No worries I won't touch HER"

"Grrr"


	14. titles mean nothing!

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves and Jack and Aragorn also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear! (Hits palm of hand with crop)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movies) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine don't we?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU (Hits palm of hand with crop)  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!  
_I like PEANUTS_ (Hits Aragorn with riding crop)

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer  
than left-handed people.

If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?

* * *

**_I GOT A TATTOO! _**A real one too of the Southern Cross…it's on my left shoulder blade and looks SSSOOOO COOL!

* * *

**Real Identity Issues**

Aragorn stood silently at the edge of the camp, watching the woodland creatures scuttle around doing their daily rituals. The sun was high in the sky like a big pizza pie thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttat's a moooraaayyyy…sorry and with the sun this high the danger of being spotted was also just as high. Aragorn sighed and turned his attention from the surrounding woodland to the snoring figures.

Jasmine stirred uneasily in her sleep, having moved during the day to secretly sleep between both Boromir and Gimli, she felt a heavy sensation on the…err…lower back as it were. She stirred again and it still didn't move, finally she gave up and left it.

Trinity lay sprawled our over the twins, one arm on Elladan's head and her other leg over Elrohir's waist. No doubt his brothers were enjoying the attention but he still wondered why these two women were on this quest. Deep in his heart he knew that it should only himself, Gandalf, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Frodo, Gimli and Boromir, he knew that Lord Elrond also knew this yet here the other four were.

'No matter, what's done is done' He thought as he watched Legolas rise and make his way over. Just as he was passing the three sleeping figures, Trinity's leg lashed out and hit Legolas in the calf, causing him to startle at the sudden movement yet maintain his balance.

"Seems she has it in for me even when she is sleeping" He grumbled as he stood next to Aragorn. Aragorn sighed, he knew Legolas was moody but he had been quiet nasty to the girls, mainly Trinity, ever since they had left Imladris.

"Why are you so hard-hearted towards them? Surely they have done nothing to you? Yet you treat them with the same malice you would a dwarf wearing the skin of an elf" Aragorn asked quietly as he studied his friend's features.

"I do not know why I act that way towards them. It is just something they do that seems to twist a nerve in my mind and make me say things that I know I will eventually regret." Legolas sighed as he lent up upon the cliff face.

"Do you not like them?" Aragorn asked watching as Legolas shook his head causing his golden hair to roll forward over his shoulders and frame his smiling features.

"Nay, I find them quiet humorous actually though there is something that won't allow me to say that. Jasmine seems to be less of a nerve twister than Trinity. I mean I got on very well with them at Imladris, very well but during the last few days I started to feel different about them. Something I haven't felt before. Estel what is this, I do not know what this is?" Legolas said hanging his head. Aragorn smiled, he knew what was wrong with his friend but before he could say anything there was a loud outburst from the other side of the camp.

"GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ARSE YOU LITTLE BEAST" Jasmine roared pushing Gimli into the dirt.

"WHAT? Why would I touch your buttocks young missy? Do you know who I am?" Gimli shot back; standing up and looking at the furious young lady.

"A very diseased midget" Jasmine snarled raising her hand to slap Gimli before Aragorn intervened.

"Please, calm yourself. Surely it twas but an accident" Aragorn said as Jasmine look her blanket and moved over next to a startled Merry.

"Yeah well he'd better keep his stumpy hands away from me or I'll remove them!" She snapped before lying back down and falling almost instantly to sleep. Merry looked down at her and then at his hands.

"Best keep them to yourself young master Meridoc" Aragorn said with a smile as he returned to his post.

"Yes I think I'd better" he mumbled as he lay back down. Almost everyone in the camp was awake now, save Trinity and Jasmine who had fallen back to sleep. Aragorn looked down to find both his brothers wide awake but remaining still as Trinity slept on.

"How do you find your blanket brothers?" He laughed as the twins smiled smugly at him.

"We have no problem with having a woman lying all over us" Elladan said as Elrohir nodded in agreement.

"It would seem she was the only one not to wake from the sudden outburst" Elrohir said.

"Lucky her" Legolas said dryly. The twins shared a smile.

"Oh face it Legolas you are jealous" Elrohir chirped as Elladan laughed. Legolas looked shocked.

"Me? Jealous? I think not" Legolas scoffed as Trinity sat straight up like someone had stabbed her.

"I LIKE ICE CREAM" She hollered in a deep western drawl before falling back down and rolling over until she was almost completely covering Elrohir.

"That…was…odd" Aragorn said as he watched Elrohir's face turn slightly red and he moaned. "Elrohir?"

"Save it for the wedding brother" Elladan laughed as he noticed his brother's eyes start to tear up. "What's wrong?"

"She…hit…me…below…the…belt" he gasped trying to catch his breath. The three other men exchanged a glance before all falling about in hysterical fits of laughter.

"Thanks" Elrohir gasped shifting slightly, this only caused Trinity to bite his shoulder and mumble about the dry tasting ice cream. After the other men had completed their hysterical fits of laughter (HFL) Legolas rose and put his hand on Aragorn's shoulder.

"Go and sleep, It's my turn to keep watch. Rest while you can." He said steering Aragorn towards him bed roll.

"Thank you" Aragorn sighed as he lay down on the soft ground, falling asleep as soon as his head touched his rolled up blanket AKA his pillow.

* * *

"Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass." Trinity drawled into Jasmine's ear. It was late afternoon and everyone save Jasmine and Pippin were awake, preparing their meal and cleaning up camp.

"MMMrrmmmfffff" Jasmine mumbled turning over as to move away from Trinity.

"Would you like to hear a story?" Trinity asked softly as she sat next to her head, Jasmine nodded her head in reply.

"Ok…ahem… Once there was a girl named Mary Sue! She liked to ride her pretty pink tricycle down the road to the hottie's house! Well...one day...a bright green moose ran over her and the flesh eating snails ate her brains! THE END!" She shouted the last words right into Jasmine's ear.

"OOWWW" She yelled jumping up and facing a laughing Trinity. "My ears are very sensitive lately you little twerp"

"Hey, I'm taller than you!" Trinity said jumping up and facing Jasmine. The two started to have a stare off just as Gandalf walked over and stood between them.

"That'll be enough girls" he said looking down at them both. Jasmine smiled back and walked over to Sam muttering something about badgers and geese while Trinity smiled sweetly up at the old istari.

"Ah Master Gandalf, I'm glad you've come; I wanted to ask your permission to step on Pippin."

"What? NO" Pippin said jumping out of his blanket and looking at the smiling Trinity who was creeping closer and closer, soon she was right in his face. Pippin stood his ground and glared right back at her.

"Boo" She said and the lashed out and bit him on the tip of the nose.

"OW" He hollered as Trinity ran over and pretended to pack up her gear.

"What's wrong Pip?" Merry asked looking at the distraught Pippin who was clutching his nose.

"She bit my nose" He yelled in his wee Scottish accent.

"You can't prove that" Trinity said quickly, Pippin just looked at her with a raised eyebrow and lifted his hand revealing a bright red mark and teeth imprints. "Ooohhh wouldya look at that…seems I DID bite you master Platypus…here I shall FIX IT" She yelled as she dashed over to him.

"Don't you come near me" He said trying to back away but only managing to back into a tree. "STOP" But it was too late, Trinity planted a BIG sloppy kiss right on Pippin's nose. Confusion was written all over Pippin's face as she patted his head.

"That'll do hobbit that'll do" She said before moving off to finish cleaning up her bag that was strewn all over the ground in her feeble attempts to find something to put up Jasmine's nose while she was sleeping, needless to say she didn't find anything worth loosing. Merry watched her walk over before turning back to find Pippin blushing heavily.

"Pip?" Merry laughed but Pippin just walked away.

"Leave it Merry" He mumbled picking up his blanket.

"Ooohhh I see" He said sideling away with a sly look upon his face.

"See what?" Pippin asked watching Merry give him a crafty smile.

"Oh nuthin' Pip I'm juts gonna have a little chat with Miss Trinity" he said turning away.

"I HEARD MY NAME" Trinity yelled causing Aragorn, Legolas and Gandalf to all 'Shh' her.

"Don't you dare Merry Don't you say anything. I have enough stuff on you too remember that incident with the carrot…" Pippin started causing Merry's face to go bright red.

"Alright Pip I won't say nuthin' just cause you're my friend and all" Merry mumbled moving off to help Sam with the cooking.

"Steve the egg, Steve the egg, how'd he wear pants without no legs, Steve the egg, Steve the egg, woke up next to some sausages" Jasmine sang as she danced around Sam who's anger vein (the one in his forehead) was slowly getting larger and larger. As Merry came over he was soon scooped up by the dancing Jasmine and together they started to waltz around the campsite, even though Merry's feet never touched the ground.

"JASMINE" Trinity yelled her voice filled with what sounded like pain.

"What?" Jasmine asked dropping Merry onto a dozing Boromir and rushing to her friend's side.

"Oomph" Boromir grunted as Merry landed on his stomach, Merry quickly explained what happened and with an understanding nod from Boromir headed back over to Sam.

"What? What's wrong?" Jasmine asked kneeling next to her friend.

"Oh nothing, I was just wondering what mood I should be in today...err night." Trinity asked looking up at her friend. Jasmine touched her finger to the end of her nose, deep in thought.

"I dunno…" She said after a while "What about happy"

"Nuh did that yesterday" Trinity replied, the others now watched them with confused interest.

"Sad?" Jasmine offered.

"Nothing to be sad about…yet." She said sparing a glance at Gandalf and Boromir. Legolas now completely confused walked over to them.

"Are you two actually picking out your moods?" He asked as they looked up at him generally surprised to find him standing there.

"How else do you do it then?" Trinity asked cocking her head to one side like a cocker-spaniel.

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." Jasmine snapped.

"Ah I see you have chosen angry…well chosen my friend" Trinity said pressing her palms together and bowing her head.

"It's only because you yelled in my ear this morning"

"Well you should have gotten up!"

"I would have in a second"

"EXCUSE ME…I have emotions!"Legolas said shocked at their comments.

"Moody and broody don't count bub, now please, we are trying to work here…BZZZZ"Trinity said waving him off with the back of her hand.

"Did you just…" Legolas asked trying to ignore the sniggers coming from the twins behind him.

"BBZZZ**" **The girls both said waving at him as though he was an annoying bug. He stormed off as gracefully as one can when storming…so maybe it was more of a prance? Anyway he went off in a huff leaving the two girls discussing their emotions. After a long and strange discussion, they decided that Trinity's mood would be…average psychotic monkey with a hint of Billy Madison thrown in…aka scary. By the time this was sorted they were soon on the road again, tramping through the dense undergrowth and quietly avoiding the enemy…well sort of quietly.

"Shampoo is better." Trinity said quietly giving Jasmine a side on look as she crept up to Sam. "I go on first and clean the hair." She said in his ear making him jump.

"Conditioner is better." Jasmine said loudly into Sam's other ear. "I leave the hair silky and smooth." Trinity stopped and looked at Jasmine who also stopped and returned the look.

"Oh, really, fool?" Trinity said raising an eyebrow.

"Really." Jasmine said TRYING to raise one eyebrow but just managing to look completely constipated. With that they started to slap each other in a very girly way which I suppose is good as they ARE girls after all…I'll just shut up now. Aragorn and Legolas stopped and watched the proceedings as the others walked on.

"You deal with this" Aragorn said walking off, sighing at the site of the bickering girls.

"Why me?" Legolas whined but was ignored, with a roll of his eyes he turned back to the girls who looked up at the same time as he turned to look at them.

"Stop looking at me, swan."Trinity shouted.

"He looks like more or a manatee to me" Jas said patting Trinity's arm.

"Revetahw" Trinity said before running up and tackling Boromir, Boromir didn't actually fall as Trinity tackled him too high and just bounced off his arse.

"Stop talking backwards to me!" Jasmine shouted after her!

"What were you doing?" Boromir asked looking at Trinity who was sitting amongst a bush.

"Trying to contact the anal dwelling butt monkeys?" She said trusting a hand at him. He took it and helped her out of the bush.

"Pardon?" He said as she brushed herself off.

"Nothing…is their anything on my bum?" She said turning around and bending ever so slightly. Boromir laughed and blushed slightly at the girl's gregarious actions. How's THAT word, I feel smart.

"No…there is…um…nothing" he said as Trinity looked over her shoulder at him.

"Would you care to look harder?" she said in a husky voice. Boromir looked shockingly at the young woman in front of him but found himself staring at her laughing blue eyes. "Just joking Bozza, chill dude" She said skipping off and chatting idly to herself causing the other fellowship members to stare strangely at her.

Legolas watched these proceedings with a grim expression. Not liking how unguarded the young woman was being, he was now walking as the rear guard with a silent Jasmine beside him, but he hardly took notice as his temper was staring to rise as he watched Boromir staring at Trinity's bottom. Unknown to Legolas Jasmine was watching him with and amused expression on her face. Legolas finally noticed her staring at him and looked down at the young mortal who just gave him a cheeky smile.

"Hey big bro" She said lightly "I know"

"Know what?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her. Jasmine smiled back.

"I know ALL" she said waving her arms around to demonstrate her point. A smile crept over Legolas's face.

"Oh really?" He asked "Such as?"

"WEEEEELLLLL it takes 42 muscles to frown but it only takes 3 muscles to turn around and slap the person." She said before walking 'conveniently' in front of him.

"No it doesn't" He said, suddenly Jasmine turned around and slapped him clear across the face. Though it was lightly it still gave the elvan prince a shock.

"What did I just say?" She said before running up to the front of the TCOTLOTRP (Travelling Circus of The Lord of the Ring Peeps). Legolas stood stock still, shocked that she had slapped him and also frozen in fury. It took Aragorn to go and talk to him in rapid elvish to get him calm and movable again.

"YYYYYOOUUUURRR gonna go to hell my friend" Trinity said as Jasmine walked up next to her.

"And why is that?" Jasmine asked innocently, tilting her head to the side.

"You just hit a sexy man…you know that is a taboo my brei-cheese eating friend" Trinity tapped her lightly on the nose "Now…go and apologize" Jasmine sighed and nodded, stopping where she was and turning to wait for Legolas who just shot her a furious glare.

"Google-Puff?" Jasmine said in a small voice looking down at the ground as he stopped in front of her.

"My name is Legolas" He snapped staring at the girls bowed head.

"Google-puff?" She said again this time looking up with teary puppy-dog-of-doom-while-riding-the-train-to-mount-doom-eyes. "I'm so sorry for hitting you…I tend to do things before I think…I truly am sorry for all that I have caused"

Legolas looked down at her, his anger melting away. He sighed and looked at the night sky. "Fine, you are forgiven. Just don't do something like that again…ok"

"Yes sir" She said saluting him "What ever you say sir" she stayed like that for a while, standing at attention with Legolas looking down at her. In the background hysterical giggling was coming from Trinity who was rolling around on the ground with the twins, Boromir and the hobbits chuckling quietly.

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?" he asked regretting not just walking off.

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most" She said causing the laughing in the background only to heighten.

"Really?" He said raising an amused eyebrow "Anything else?"

"I am woman hear me roar...meow" She said making a scratching motion with her hand before skipping off leaving a confused Legolas standing there. The laughing meanwhile had transformed into snorting as Trinity struggled to breath. Jasmine bounded over to where Trinity was choking with laughter.

"What are you laughing about?" She asked while standing over Trinity and staring at her with her hands on her hips.

"That was Funnier than a penguin playing a banjo while farting on a didgeridoo" Trinity gasped extending a hand for Jasmine to help her up.

"Mmmbop my dear turtle" she said pulling Trinity to her feet.

"Hmmm I thought Hanson died?" Trinity said as they FINALLY resumed walking.

"Where the hell did that come from? Who told you that?" Jasmine said looking astonished.

"Nobody" Trinity said sweetly as she started to skip around Jasmine.

"Who's nobody?" Jasmine asked pushing Trinity so that she would stop prancing.

"I'm nobody and nobody's perfect so therefore I'm perfect." Trinity said with a bow and then skipped up between the twins holing their elbows so they were escorting her.

"You keep telling yourself that" Jasmine said after her.

"I will, you're just jealous the voices only talk to me" Trinity chirped from ahead.

"I'm glad they only talk to you!" Jasmine muttered as she trudged along behind them. This trip was getting longer and longer and not only that, her head was POUNDING and she was sure she had grown like an inch in the past night. She was now the exact hight of Trinity, which is something she wasn't usually. _'Maybe it was the whole falling though the earth' _she thought as she touched her right ear, it was also throbbing. _'This is ridiculous how much pain I seem to be in, why isn't she in any pain?'_ Jasmine wondered as she watched Trinity joke around with the twins.  
'_Something's wrong here…I can feel it'_

* * *

"So the fire haired one feels the change, I knew she would" Saurman said as he stared into the palantír, by his side, a dark woman dressed in a deep purple almost black silk gown. High in the neck and long sleaves, dark gloves covered her slender fingers and over head was a silk mesh held onto her head by a dark silver circlet holding an onyx stone in the centre.

"What change?" she asked in a sickly sweet voice as she watched the palantír fade. The old wizard turned to her with hard eyes and regarded his new accomplice. Although she was relatively knew to the world as evil he could sense in her that she had indeed been evil for many, many years before he found her.

"Hmm this young human is undergoing a strange metamorphosis that I have only ever seen once before…" Saurman said as he stood and walked to his balcony to look into his magnificent pits full of orcs working hard.

"So she is changing?" She asked again causing the old man to sigh.

"Yes" he said in a strained voice "I think we have established that she is changing. Both her body and mind are becoming a new being. What being that is still yet to be decided, even I do not know what she shall become" Saurman said turning to face the dark woman who was now standing in the middle of the room. "This transformation may even destroy her" he said with a smirk.

"Excellent my lord" She said, curtseying before sashaying out of the room. Saurman watched her leave before returning to his balcony, as he stood and watched his minions' work, a lonely crow, a Crebain from Duneland, landed near him. It made a sort of cooing noise as it hopped across the railing to the old istari, pecking softly at his arm until he softly stroked its head. As Saurman stroked the crow an idea came to him, his palantír could only see so far and he could only watch the progress of the two girls, sure he was interested in them but he also wanted to know the location and whereabouts of their companions.

Smiling a sly smile he beckoned the crow into his palace, it was time to chat with his animal companions.

* * *

That was A LOT of work! Ah the plot thickens! 

That little Mary-sue story was written by **RenegadeKitsune** THANKIES MUCH

OMG I just had the best week of my LIFE! I just finished schoolies (Sigh) so sad but it was the best time I ever had! For those who don't know, schoolies is the end of school celebrations that all the year 12s go on…basically it's getting drunk away from your parents! Oh and boy did I do that! I was drunk all week, seriously! And I spent a good deal of the time in the spa with 3 HOT Swiss guys! Mmmmm they were so cute, they, (ahem) liked my assets so much they nicknamed me "Big boobs" hehehehehe also because we were teaching them Aussie slang and "Boobs" was the first word we taught them! We also met heaps of other people, like the guys down the hall who lived in Melbourne and who we are going to visit in a month! YAY I managed to meet 63 people and 51 of them were guys! Ok so I MAY have met more but I'm telling you I was drunk most of the time and can't remember little details! AND I got to see Glenn again…stupid Dad and his stupid timing…grrr!

Umm err don't drink its bad for you…umm…yeah that's my helpful advice…also did you know every time you lie you kill a kitten…yep its true! And with that don't drink sentence I just killed one…I'M SORRY I'LL NEVER LIE AGAIN…OPPS SORRY AGAIN I DIDN'T MEAN IT…SORRY!

**

* * *

**

"Do you reckon they found out the source of the noise?" Aus asks from the lounge. Jack looks over and sits by her.

"No worries luv" he says slipping an arm around her shoulders and ruffling her hair. "The pansy elves and Aragorn will fix it, ye not worried are ye?"

"No, it's just I like my place and I don't want it trashed" Aus says laying her head on Jack's shoulder.

"FEEBLE-DEEP" a noise erupts from the other side of the door.

"What the…? Drake?" Aus opens the door, with Jack behind her conveniently holding onto her waist for "safety reasons" to find Legolas with a large scrape down his face holding a screeching leprechaun in one hand.

"DRAKIE" Aus squeals and grabs Drake who stops screeching and starts to purr. Legolas gives Jack, who is smiling slyly at Legolas as he brushed his tangled mane of hair out of his eyes causing it to jingle.

"You better have not…" Legolas starts but is stopped because Drake has jumped onto Jack's head and is trying to rip the beads out of his hair.

"Meep-mine-feedle" He squeals and Jack tries to fling him off.

"DRAKE" Aus yells pulling him off Jack who now has scratches on his face.

"DAMMIT" He yells holding his eye where Drake's little booted foot had tried to find a foot hold.

"Oh poor Jack" Aus says giving him a kiss on the cheek while holding Drake at an arms length. "Ok, where are the others?"

"Aragorn is bandaging Elladan's finger where that thing bit him and Elrohir is trying to remove the pin from his calf" Legolas sighs.

"Why is there a pin in his calf?"

"Well it seems he was armed" Legolas says pointing to Drake who is nuzzling Aus' neck.

"Hmm ok, you fix Jack's face…"

"That's gonna take a while" Legolas mumbles as Aus slaps him.

"I heard that be nice, I'm going to find Drake's…C.A.G.E" Aus spells out the last word as not to alarm the small beast.

"You may want a bigger one, he brought friends" Legolas says as they walk into the lounge room to find 3 gremlins (2 fuzzy kinds and 1 evil kind) and a fairy tied to the table legs.

"Uh oh"


	15. lets fly away!

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves and Jack and Aragorn also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear! (hits palm of hand with crop)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movies) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine don't we?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU (Hits palm of hand with crop)  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!  
_I like PEANUTS_ (Hits Aragorn with riding crop)

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. **

**OK, so that would be a good thing...**

* * *

**ENJOY!**

**MERRY X-MAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ALL OF US…as the troop continues to grow…(sigh)**

**Real Identity Issues

* * *

**

The nights were long and arduous as the company snuck through the tough terrain towards the ever closing Misty Mountains. There was little comfort from the elements as they battled wind and rain as they marched on. The general feel of the whole company was discomfort and that unnerving feeling of continually being watched, which they were. A pack of wolves had been following the company for a few days now and all but the hobbits knew, the girls had over heard Boromir and Gimli talking and were trying to keep the hobbits focused by playing some travelling games from their world.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with…ummm…T!" Jasmine said happily as they marched on. Gandalf and Aragorn smiled at one another, thankful of the girls' efforts to keep the hobbits' minds off their task at hand.

"Tree?" Sam said softly from next to Bill.

"Nope" Jasmine said proudly.

"Troop?" Pippin asked,

"Nope"

"Thranduil's Son?" Aragorn laughed from ahead.

"What the…?" Jasmine asked looking strangely at the ranger/king/smelly/dirty dude in front of her.

"Legolas" Frodo said softly with a smile.

"OOOHHH…NO!"

"Dean?" Trinity said hopefully.

"No…that doesn't start with T" Jasmine said.

"Power point?" Trinity tried again.

"No…"

"Watering can!"

"You could at least stick with the same letter!" Jasmine protested.

"Computer!"

"Are we even playing the same game anymore?" Jasmine asked as the others merely shrugged.

"Vibrating Easter bunny!"

"Ok…getting strange now"

"Punching bag, Eric Bana poster, Christmas decorations, Hire a hunk pamphlet, Havaianas. Jelly beans, lava lamp, empty fish tank, TV, DVD player, bag of things for Megan!" Trinity said as she waved her arms around in a vain attempt to get Jasmine to understand.

"Umm" Jasmine looked hard at her strange friend.

"Mobile…umm…autographs…shot glasses…jewellery…mirror"

"THINGS FOUND IN YOUR ROOM!" Jasmine shouted with glee as she figured out what her friend was finally playing.

"YES!" Trinity said as she bounded up and down on the balls of her feet.

"We weren't playing that game" Jasmine said patting Trinity on the shoulder as Trinity's head dropped.

"Oh"

"Nice try though!" Jasmine said trying to comfort her friend. "You're just a little slow"

"Are we still playing that game?" Merry asked "I think I may know!"

"Oh yes? And what may it be little food eating friend of the woodland poop" Jasmine said as Merry's brow knotted in attempt to understand what she just said.

"Umm…was it…thistle?"

"Nope…everyone give up? It was toe!" Jasmine said proudly.

The chatter died down and they continued in silence, listening to the night sounds around them. The hobbits whispered among themselves, they were no fools, they knew something was following them…speaking of fools.

"I'm not slow!" Trinity protested, grabbing Jasmine's arm and spinning her around to face Trinity.

"Really?" Jasmine asked with an amused expression as she shook her arm free and continued walking.

"Yeah, I get things…lots of things…don't make fun of me cause I'm blonde!" Trinity continued to protest as they walked.

"I'm blonde!" Legolas said from behind Trinity.

"Yeah see, Leggy's got the groove thing going on!" Trinity said as Legolas sighed.

"I wish you would stop calling me that, it makes me feel quite violated" Legolas said "My name is Legolas GreenleafSon of Thranduil King of Mirkwood."

"Is that what's on your birth certificate?" Jasmine asked throwing a casual glance over her shoulder at the confused Prince.

"Yeah, it seems like a mouthful" Trinity said as she jumped on a strategically placed boulder and jumped on Legolas's back. Think piggy back.

"Birth certificate?" He questioned, he was too confused to even acknowledge Trinity's presence on his back, he just automatically held on to her. "What's this 'Birth Certificate'?" he asked.

"It's a piece of paper to prove that you are really alive and who you say you are" Trinity said causing Legolas to frown.

"Why, that's preposterous. There were 3 priests and 6 healers at my birthing plus numerous others."

"Sound's like a grand old show…sorry we missed it" Jasmine mumbled as Legolas continued to rant.

"How can a piece of paper prove who you really are? Ridiculous! Of course I am who I say I am"

"Yes, yes WE'RE not saying you're not!" Trinity said still riding on Legolas's back.

"Then who is?"

"Well…numerous governments and such" Jasmine said, her eyes glazing over on the subject of the government.

"Government?" Legolas asked even more confused then before.

"SOOOO NOT going to start on that subject…it's too boring. Just trust us" Jasmine said as she continued to walk off.

"Trust you two…that's rich" He scoffed suddenly aware of the bundle he carried. "What are you doing?"

"Yehaw?" Trinity said as he dropped her suddenly. She landed with 'oomph'.

"Hey, careful…a stick almost went up my butt!" she shouted after him. Trinity glared that the prince as he walked off with a chuckle…at least he wasn't angry with her…that's a start. She dusted herself off and after giving the twins and Gimli (who was quite frightened) some air kisses, moved off to join the rest of the company.

* * *

The company had been moving at an agonizingly slow pace through the rough terrain of the wild. The wind was strong this particular night and it made everything around them move in a threatening manner. On a number of occasions Jasmine had stabbed a berry bush that she claimed had chucked its unripe red berries at her. 

"It did I tell ya!" She protested as the twins stared at her strangely.

"Nonsense" Elladan said. "It was merely the wind"

"Wind my arse" she muttered wiping the remaining berries off her tunic and jogging up to Trinity who was muttering to herself.

"What are you saying O' insane one?" Jasmine asked causing Trinity to jump.

"Shuddup light footed fool, I am singing" Trinity said poking the end of Jasmine's nose.

"Oh no, you suck at singing" Jasmine groaned, moving to the back of the line.

"Luckily for my kind of music you don't really need much of a tone!" Trinity hollered back.

"What song is it you are singing?" Frodo question walking up next to Trinity.

Smiling down at the small hobbit, Trinity ruffled his hair and chuckled "It's by a band called GreenDay, it's called J.A.R"

"Jar?" He asked looking confused.

"No not jar J.A.R. it's Jason Andrew Relva. See J.A.R"

"Oh I see" he said with a smile. "Would you sing some?"

"I don't sing young toadstool. But there is a part in this song that doesn't involve singing…and it just happens to be my favourite part" Trinity said with a sparkle coming into her eyes.

"Would you share it with me?" he asked, his big blue eyes looking up into Trinity's smiling face.

"Sure…ready, I love this part…" Trinity took a deep breath and launched into the final verse of J.A.R. unknown to her that the rest of the company were also listening as there was not much else to do. If you don't know what it sounds like then I shall tell you. It's basically saying the words really fast and it just sounds SOOOO COOOLLL!

"_Gotta make a plan  
gotta do what's right  
can't run around in circles  
if you wanna build a life  
But I don't wanna make a plan  
for a day far away  
While I'm young and while I'm able  
All I wanna do is…"_

Frodo looked at the young woman with a disbelieved look in his eyes.

"Cool isn't it?" She said patting his head as she skipped away.

"Umm…yes?" he said unsurely as he turned to Sam who was now along side him.

"Wasn't like any song I've ever heard of before" Sam said

"Yes I know they are strange" Frodo said as Jasmine walked past.

"Speak for your self!" she said walking past causing Frodo to blush in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" he said catching up to her.

"Don't be…it's true" she said pointing to Trinity who was rushing up to the front of the group. She stopped Gandalf and started singing to him.

"_Hey Mister, where you headed?__  
Are you in a hurry_?" she "asked" Gandalf was about to answer but she continued with her song.  
"_I need a lift to happy hour  
Say oh no  
Do you break for distilled spirits  
I need a break as well  
The well that inebriates the guilt  
1.2.1.2.3.4_" At this point she started to head bang in front of the old wizard…frightening him slightly before she continued.

"_Cold turkey's getting stale  
Tonight I'm eating crow  
Fermented Salmonella poison oak no  
There's a drought at the fountain of youth  
and now I'm dehydrating  
My tongue is swelling up  
as I say 1.2.1.2.3.4  
Troubled times you know I can not lie  
I'm off the wagon  
and I'm Hitchin' a ride.  
There's a drought at the fountain of youth  
and now I'm dehydrating  
my tongue is swelling up as I say…_" At this point she started jumping around madly as the rest, all save Jasmine who was joining in, looked at them strangely for they had never before seen moshing. A few seconds later Trinity, accompanied by Jasmine's in tune voice, started up again.

"_Troubled times you know I can not lie  
I'm off the wagon  
and I'm Hitchin' a ride_."

"ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY" Gimli roared, snapping everyone to attention.

"Hey, small, round and ugly, who said you could breathe?" Trinity snapped, her hair was wild and untamed from the continual bouncing around making her look quiet ferocious in the dark moonlight.

"Listen here you little…" But he was cut short as Legolas let an arrow fly into the surrounding woods, a yelp was heard instantly.

"They are here" Gandalf said as he unsheathed sword, the rest following in suit.

"Hobbits in the middle, girls you too" Aragorn said turning to find the hobbits gathered around Bill, staring into the deep undergrowth with their swords drawn…yet the girls were nowhere to be seen.

"Where are they?" He said looking around frantically for them. Unable to find them he called out to Legolas who was watching the undergrowth for any movement, his bow drawn tight and his muscles visible from underneath his taught tunic.

"Have you seen where those girls got too?" he asked softly, not making any sudden movements that might encourage the dark beasts to emerge.

"No…check with your brothers" He said his eyes darting around the dark wall in front of him. Aragorn looked swiftly around, finding Boromir and Gimli standing along side the hobbits and Gandalf in front of them. For some reason, the look of the company this way felt right but he knew that there were 4 of them missing.

'_Hopefully the Twins are with them'_ he thought as he scanned the dark woods around them. All was quiet for what felt like an eternity as they waited on the foul beasts to make their move. Not long after the stand off, 7 wolves emerged from in front of them causing the company to spring into action. Swords and arrows ripped through the air, the hobbits watched as their companions fought against the massive beasts, 6 wolves now lay dead on the ground but more arrived in their place. Suddenly arrows sang from the trees above their heads as the twin sons of Elrond dropped from the tree branches above. They had been scouting the area to see how many wolves were.

"Estel, there is a whole pack, about 15 to 20" Elladan yelled as he felled 2 more beasts with his arrows. It would seem all had forgotten about the poor hobbits, who were now standing around Bill, swords drawn, their eyes fixed on the brawl in front of them. Had they been paying attention to poor Bill who now stood whinnying in fear and scratching the ground they would have seen the 3 wolves behind them, moving stealthily up towards them. Sam, feeling the frighten animal's consistent jerking on the rope, tried to calm him and saw the wolves. With a startled cry he alerted the hobbits and also Boromir who was nearby yet unable to come to the hobbits' aid. The wolves crouched and sprang forward, they flew towards the hobbits in slow motion it seemed, Merry and Pippin who had been closest to the wolves instinctively closed their eyes and thrust their swords in front of them. They never saw the three daggers hit the wolves behind their heads, killing them instantly, but they felt the force of the now dead wolves fall onto their swords and knock them to the ground.

Trinity swung down from a low branch and Jasmine jumped down next to her, landing lightly. Trinity gathered up her daggers and quickly hid them back in their little sheaths. Turning to a smiling Jasmine she growled light heartedly, "You cheated" to which Jasmine replied "Loser" before they ran off into the fray to help the others destroy the remaining wolves.

Merry and Pippin, with the help of Frodo and Sam, rolled the dead wolves off and stood up as the remaining wolves ran off or were killed.

"Did we do that?" Merry asked, looking at the dead wolf in front of him.

"I dunno" Pippin said, also equally confused. Sam was about to speak up and tell them how the girls had killed them before they even finished their leap but Trinity beat him to it.

"OH MY GOD did you guys really do that?" She gushed looking at the dead wolves. "That is so cool! My little boys have become really warriors…I'm so proud" she said wiping imaginary tears from her eyes.

"Wow guys, you really know how to handle a sword!" Jasmine said giving them a warm smile. Merry and Pippin looked at each other and smiled.

"We must have Pip" Merry said with a wide smile, pride beaming from hit little face, Pippin too almost glowed. Trinity bent down and gave Merry a big hug and kiss on the cheek making him blush bright red and scuff his feet awkwardly as he muttered thanks. Trinity let off a loud laugh as she did the same for Pippin, except when she went to kiss him on the cheek, he moved slightly so that she caught him on the lips. It was completely unintentional as Merry had said something that Pippin only heard and he had gone to say something.

"Ohh lil' Popcorn's getting frisky" Trinity said as Pippin went 5 shades of red. Gandalf and Aragorn exchanged a smile and they also congratulated the hobbits.

Jasmine and Trinity stood back and allowed the company to congratulate the hobbits. Smiling as they watched them beam with great pride. Legolas and Boromir stood by the girls also and watched the hobbits.

"How are you doing?" Boromir asked.

"Sweating like a pig, actually and yourself?" Jasmine laughed causing Boromir to chuckle.

"That was a very noble thing you just did" Legolas said giving the smiling girls a sidewards glance and smile.

"You mean we're not going to get yelled at for some unknown reason?" Trinity asked with a sly smile that made Legolas chuckle.

"No, it twas a very nice thing you did allowing them to think they killed the wolves."

"Yeah well maybe now they won't close their eyes and hope for the best" Jasmine said as Trinity turned to her.

"How the hell did you know that?" She asked astonished that her friend saw that, cause up it the tree she had to get down on a lower branch to even see the wolves heads so she knew were to hit, Jasmine had remained up in the tree.

"I saw it" Jasmine said with a shrug.

"You see all kinds of shit" Trinity said walking off to tackle Gimli.

"You have no idea" Jasmine murmured as she walked off in deep though. Legolas exchanged a glance with Boromir, as they watched the two girls leave. Jasmine sat down and went through her pack where as Trinity was busy laughing at Gimli as he pulled a thorn out of his butt.

"Strange girls" Legolas said as he watched them

"Strange…but amusing" Boromir said with a smile. "It shall be interesting having them around!"

* * *

**SONG: Hitchin' a ride – GREENDAY  
J.A.R - GREENDAY

* * *

**

* * *

"So…you're telling me that I now have 3 elves, an insane ranger/king, a pirate, a leprechaun, an evil fairy and 4 gremlins…WHAT THE HELL?" Aus stalks the lounge room floor, all its occupants watching from their various places. 

"Maybe it's not a bad thing" Elladan says as Aus turns to him.

"Can you see anything good coming from this?"

"Umm...err…" Elladan stutters.

"I though so!"

"You need a vacation" Aragorn says as Aus stops and looks at him.

"What?"

"You need a vacation…you should take the flying mongoose and ride it to the hills of Wannahockaloogie so that you can watch the spring mating dance of the cheetah on the rooftops of the hutmen."

"That's a great idea"

"WHAT?" they all yell in squeaks and such.

"Not the insane part but the first part…I do…I need to go and get drunk with some hotties again!"

"What about us?" Legolas asks.

"Well…you are all up for auction!"

"WHAT!"

"That's right; these fine fellows are all up for temporary adoption until I return!" Aus paints a sign and hangs it on the door.

"All Elves, rangers, pirates, leprechauns, fairies and gremlins need a good home until I come back from my vacation. Unfortunately Legolas has already got a temp home over in England…sorry all but it has been planned for a while."

"Oh and when was I going to be told about this?" Legolas asks.

"You weren't! I was just gonna get Estel to drug you and then put you in a box with airholes and mail you to her!"

"Really?"

"really really!"


	16. a llllllllllllllllooooonnnnggggg time

**Disclaimer – **(Walks out in army attire including medals and riding crop) Alright troops. We don't own anything, UNDERSTOOD! (Elves and Jack and Aragorn also in army outfits)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_You will not take any and I mean ANY credit for the making of the film, do I make myself clear! (Hits palm of hand with crop)  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_And we did NOT write the book! A great man named Tolkien did, and we give total credit to him and only him (and possibly Peter Jackson for the movies) UNDERSTOOD.  
_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_We DO own Trinity and Jasmine don't we?  
_YES DRILL SERGENT!  
_I CAN'T HEAR YOU (Hits palm of hand with crop)  
**_YES DRILL SERGEANT!  
_**At Ease!  
_I like PEANUTS_ (Hits Aragorn with riding crop)

* * *

GUESS WHAT!

**Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.**

**I must go now………**

* * *

Hehehehe helllllloooooooooo long time no c…

* * *

**Real Identity Issues

* * *

**

"NOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed Trinity clutching Elladan's leg. "My pretty elves"

"Let go" Elladan said as he tried shaking Trinity off "You knew this was going to happen eventually"

"But its so soooooooooooooon" Cried Jasmine, hanging onto Elrohir's leg.

"Actually it's been almost a month since we left Rivendell. Now stand up and we'll give you a present" Elrohir said and almost instantly the girls were standing in front of the two elves with there hands out.

"Presents, presents, presents, presents…" They chanted as the rest of the crowd rolled their collective eyes. Having grown used to their constant escapades, the fellowship had given up trying to stop them and just rolled their eyes hoping that sooner or later they would give up. Then again they didn't understand the persistence of an EARTH girl.

"Here" the twins said in their creepy twin way as they handed the girls their presents.

"What is this….a center for ants??" Jasmine growled as she clutched her present in her fist.

"Nuh mate it's…ah…its….what is it?" Trinity said holding hers up to the light.

"It's actually an armband." Elrohir said taking Trinity's and slipping it over her wrist and up her arm. "See? It has an inscription, it says, _Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au_'…ahh fight errr strong and true"

Legolas made a choking sound behind Aragorn who elbowed him in the ribs telling him to "shut up" in more or less words.

"Coooooooolllll" Trinity said while twisting it around her arm.

"What does mine sayyyyyyy?" Jasmine wined, thrusting the object at Elladan.

"Your's says _Aa' menealle nauva calen ar' malta Lirimaer_… this means May your ways be green and golden" He said sliding it up her arm.

"AWWWWW CCCCCCOOOOOOLLLLL, AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE" the girls squealed, embracing the twins in a hug, a blush rose to the elves cheeks.

The twins also embraced the rest of the company, saying their goodbyes as they were heading off to meet up with their other traveling companions. They were all sad to see the twins go but their duty called them to another journey, yet no doubt they would meet again.

"_Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle_" Aragon smiled, clutching his foster brothers' arms in farewell. He lent forward a little and whispered ever so lightly "I know what you really said"

"Tell them at your own peril brother" laughed Elladan with a serious glint in his eye. Aragorn just laughed and gave him a push. As the fellowship gathered to farewell the Twins, Trinity bounded forward.

"I have something to say…" She declared.

"Why aren't we surprised?" Legolas said with a sly smile "This should be good"

"Shuddup…ummm ok ummm let me just think back to before ahhh '_Lle naa haran e' nausalle'_ ummm and uhhh '_Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina'_ " After saying this the twins blushed furiously as Gandalf, Aragorn and Legolas fell about laughing insanely. "What?" She asked innocently.

"You just told us that "You are king in your imagination" and "You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny"" Said a smiling Elladan, luckily taking it light heartedly.

"Opps ok how about this...Shake and bake!" She said shaking her butt at the two now confused twins.

"Insightful Trin" Jasmine said as she dragged Trinity back, away from the twins.

After a few more insightful goodbyes they disappeared into the foliage, almost like they were part of the forest.

"Well, let us not dawdle. We still have a ways to go before we reach the Misty Mountains." Gandalf said.

* * *

The fellowship trudged on, missing the presence of the two elven brothers. Notably even the girls seemed withdrawn, though not physically unhappy as they fingered their armbands. The armbands in themselves were beautifully made and very delicate looking yet strong. Intertwined vines of silver and bronze with small leaves here and there adorned their arms now, the inscriptions shining subtly in the daylight. The traveling companions no doubt loved the silence, yet at the same time it was unnerving. But as per usual…

"Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too? ...No, seriously, come on, do it. Do it." Trinity was now jogging around Gandalf much like a little puppy.

"What's that? What ever are you talking about Woman?" Gandalf gave her a bemused look.

"I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot." She said looking him in the eyes before screaming "SHAKE AND BAKE"

"PLEASE…must you alert every foe within the next 10mile radius?" Aragorn asked giving her a stern look. Trinity backed off with a frightened look.

"Umm ummm" she stuttered and then ran off, unfortunately into the surrounding forest.

"What? What did I say?" Aragorn asked looking around for an explanation.

"Don't worry about it…" Jasmine said as she walked up to him "Wait for it….wait for it….5…4…3…2…"

"AAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Trinity cried coming thundering though the bush clutching a twig in her hand.

"What are you doing?" Jasmine asked. Aragorn who was standing behind Jasmine now looked completely confused.

"Well you see… there was this ant and it was crawling and I decided that in order to get to that I needed to find my special place and in order to find that special place I needed to contact Bundo. So by invoking the wrath of Ratus and the medium sized ham I decided it was in the best interest of the group to acquire such an object as such…." Trinity said holding the twig high above her head.

"OHHHH I get it" Jasmine said with a laugh as the rest just looked on confused. Jasmine turned around and explained "Something bit her back and she needed a back scratcher"

"How did you….you know what, never mind" Gandalf said. He just turned around and continued to walk. Everyone else, Aragorn slightly shaken and I mean slightly, followed him while Jasmine and Trinity scratched each others backs. Though they soon grew tired of this and decided that breaking small bits off and throwing them at the hobbits was much more entertaining.

The fellowship had made camp at a small rocky outcrop. The hobbits had settled down to sleep and the men were discussing who was to be on guard first.

Trinity sat pouting in the corner or the camp, muttering to herself as Jasmine came over to sit beside her.

"What's your problem?" She asked

"Night is a very dark time for me with no elves to sleep by." Trinity said pouting.

"It's dark for everyone, idiot! Besides Legboy there is an elf…" Jasmine pointed to Legolas who was tending to the fire.

"Not for people who live in Alaska…Or people with night-vision goggles and besides Poxy is mean and smells like mushrooms." Trinity scowled.

"What's that? Have you got mushrooms?" Pippin asked shyly popping up in front of them.

"Damn, scared the….hey Pipseed wanna sleep next to me?" Trinity asked with puppy eyes "I need to cuddle something"

"Ahh" Pippin blushed furiously as Trinity grabbed him like a teddy bear.

"YAY" Trinity squealed. Jasmine shook her head and ran over to Sam and Frodo who quietly talking under their blankets. With no prior warning Jasmine nosedived in between the two and rolled herself in both their blankets.

"Ahh can we help you Miss Jasmine?" Frodo asked quietly as Jasmine poked her head out of their blankets.

"Is their something you're hiding from?" Sam asked.

Jasmine looked around with wide frightened eyes. "Trinity told me about the serial killer that's loose in our neighborhood killing anyone named Jasmine! THAT'S MY NAME! That's my name!" Sam and Frodo looked at her with wide eyes.

"Leave those hobbits alone" Aragorn said standing over the top of her.

"But TTRRIINNIITTYYY got to have a hobbit" Jasmine whined, pointing to where Trinity was clutching Pippin to her chest, much like a child with a toy. "And I'm better so I should have two"

"You are NOT better Mistress PoopyPants! I am almighty. I AM AN ALMIGHTY BADGER QUEEN" Trinity announced as she posed much like a super hero.

"No I am the almighty badger queen"

"No I am"

"No your not"

"Yes I am"

"Are not"

"Am too"

"Are not"

"Am too"

"Are not"

"Am too"

"Are not"

"Am too"

"ENOUGH!" Aragorn said as he separated the two girls. "Neither of you are the almighty badger queen"

"Hehehehe he said Badger queen" Jasmine giggled as Aragorn dragged the two of them to their packs.

"Now sleep" Aragorn said as he 'gently' threw them down. "Or else I will shave your heads"

"Oh please you can't even shave your face" Jasmine scoffed. Aragorn gave her a stern look "You wouldn't"

"Oh I would"

"He would you know" Legolas piped up from his spot by the fire.

"Who asked you Gooby" Trinity grumbled as she lay down clutching Pippin who was trying to look as he didn't enjoy it. Unfortunately Aragorn snatched him up.

"Off you go" he said as Trinity tried to protest but Aragorn's stare settled her down quick smart.

With a sigh, Aragorn walked back over and settled down next to Legolas. Gimli was on watch and Gandalf was smoking his pipe and talking with Boromir. Legolas gave his friend a small smile and a pat on the back.

"I under estimated your stares my friend. I hope you can execute more of them on this trip. They are useful." Legolas laughed. Unfortunately the peace didn't last long.

"_I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart"_

"_Where?"_

"_Down in my heart to stay. And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack"_

"_Ouch"_

"_Sit on a tack"_

"_Ouch_"

Aragon sighed "So much for that. I knew something would happen. I have come to a realization that they have to have the last word"

"HUZZAH" the girls said as they giggled themselves to sleep.

* * *

Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'-------------------------------- My heart shall weep until it sees thee again

Lle naa haran e' nausalle --------------------------------------------- You are king in your imagination

Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina ------------------------------------- You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny

Aa' menealle nauva calen ar' malta ------------------------------------ May your ways be green and golden

Lirimaer(ea) --------------------------------------------------------- Lovely one(s)

Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle --------------------- May thy paths be green and the breeze on thy back


End file.
